9. Of the Duties of Married Persons

THus farre haue we proceeded in the doctrine of marriage; and now we come to the duties which they who bee maried are to performe each to other.

These are principally two: Cohabitation, and Communion.

Cohabitation is their quiet and comfortable dwelling together in one place, for the better performance of mutuall duties. 1. Cor. 7. 10. And to the married command I, not I but the Lord, let not the wife separate her selfe from her husband: vers. 12. But to the remnant I say, not the Lord, If any brother haue an vnbeleeuing wife, and she be content to dwell with him, let him not forsake her: vers. 13. And the wife which hath an vnbeleeuing husband, which is content to dwell with her, let her not forsake him. 1. Pet. 3. 7. Likewise let the men dwell together, as becōmeth them that p. 99 haue knowledge; giuing honor to the woman as to the weaker vessell, euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not interrupted.

This dutie must bee kept especiallie the first yeare of mariage, Deut. 24. 5. When a man taketh a wife, hee shall not go on warfare, neither shall be charged with any busines, but shall bee free at home one yeare, & reioyce with his wife which he hath taken. And the ground of this commandement, no doubt, is, that they might learne to know one anothers cōditions, and that they might worke a setled affection one towards another, which afterward vpon no occasion might bee changed.

Yet they may bee absent each from other in two cases: First, vpon mutuall consent for a time, for the performing of some busines, that is requisite for the familie, Prou. 7. 19. For mine husband is not at home, he is gone a far iourney: at the appointed time he will returne againe. Secondly, the like absence is allowed, when some great and weightie affaires either in the Church or Common-wealth p. 98 p. 99 p. 100 are in hand, 2. Sam. 11. 9. 10. But Vriah slept at the doore of the Kings Palace, with all the seruants of his Lord, and went not downe to his house? v. II. Then Vriah answered Dauid; The Arke, and Israel, and Iudah dwell in tents, and my Lord Ioab, and all the seruants of my Lord abide in the open field; shall I then go into my house to eate, and drinke, and lie with my wife? by thy life, and by the life of my soule, I will not do this thing.

Hence ariseth a question: What if after mariage consummate, there grow vpon one of the parties a contagious disease that cannot be cured, but is so lothsome, that the other whole partie cannot endure cohabitation at all?

Answ. Both the mariage it selfe, and the dutie of dwelling together, ought to continue firme and sure notwithstanding: yet so as the sound partie neither may, nor ought in good conscience, to desire coniunction with the other, whereby he, or she may bring infection vpon themselues, and consequently hurt their children, and indanger the Common-wealth.

p. 101 But if either of the parties haue not the gift of continencie, nor cannot abstaine; they must sue for it vnto God in earnest prayer, who will giue it vnto them.

For there God hath called a man or woman to continencie, where they be necessarily hindred from the vse of the ordinarie and lawfull remedie of the contract.

The contrarie to Cohabitation is Desertion.

Desertion is, when one of the married folkes, vpon a wilfull, and obstinate mind of their owne head, departeth from the other, without a iust, and necessarie cause.

Touching this point, there bee sundrie Cases expounded.

I. Case. Suppose that an husband which is an vnbeleeuer, or an heretike in the foundation, of his owne accord, vpon detestation of true religion, quite forsakes the beleeuing wife, and denies any more to dwell with her; what is to be done?

Answ. All good meanes must bee p. 102 first vsed to bring the infected partie to repentance; and when none will succeed, but the case remaineth desperate, then mariage is dissolued on his part, and the beleeuing wife is free to marrie another. So saith the Apostle, 1. Cor. 7. 15. If the vnbeleeuing partie depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in subiection in such things; but God hath called vs vnto peace. In which words obserue a twofold reason: I. He that is at libertie may marrie another; now the beleeuing partie forsaken, is at libertie; because hee is not in subiection in such things: therefore he may marrie another. II. God hath called vs vnto peace, saith Paul, and this peace cannot be kept, if the beleeuing partie forsaken cannot containe, vnlesse he marrie. Ambrose vpon the place saith,⁵⁶ That mariage cannot stand firme, which is separated from the worship and seruice of God; and therefore it is no sinne in the partie that is for saken for Gods cause, to be married to another; and the vnbeleeuer departing, sinneth both against God, and against the law of wedlock, because he denies to remain in that p. 103 estate, in regard of religion. Therefore hee breakes the couenant of mariage, and the other is not bound in this case to keepe touch with him. Lombard,⁵⁷ the master of the sentences, saith, That the beleeuing partie in this case, is not bound to follow the vnbeleeuer when hee departeth, but while hee liues may marrie another.⁵⁸ Augustine affirmeth, that euen the wife which is ioyned to her husband in lawfull societie, if shee will not abide with her Christian husband, because he is a Christian, may be forsaken and left, without sin. And it is far better that the couenant should be dissolued, that man and wife haue made each with other, then that the Couenant which man hath made with God. The people of Israel being in affliction, were constrained to break the former made with strange women, that they might keepe the latter, Ezra 10. 11. 19.

1. 56. Ambros. in 1. Cor. 7. 15.
2. 57. Libr. 4. dist. 39. [moved in the edition]
3. 58. Lib. de Fide & operib. cap. 16. [moved in the edition]

It is alledged, that the vnbeleeuing partie may haply repent, and then to make a dissolution is in vaine. But I say, that it is as likely that he will neuer repent, and therefore there is cause that the knot should be dissolued.

p. 104 Againe, it is lawfull (say some) to make a diuorce out of the case of Adulterie. Answ. The belieuing partie which is forsaken, is not the cause of the diuorce, but is a patient of the separation, wrongfully made by the vnbeleeuer. And Christ where he mentioneth the Case of Adulterie, Matth. 19. speaketh of an equall mariage, whereas Paul speakes of an vnequall.

II. Case. What if there fall out a desertion betweene two married folkes, which are both beleeuers?

Answ. The faultie person, who is the cause of this desertion, is to be forced by course of Ciuill, and Ecclesiasticall censure, to performe his, or her dutie. Vpon which proceeding, if he remaine obstinate and peruerse in will; the other must in patience, & earnest prayer vnto God, waite the time, vntill his mind may be changed, and he made to relent by the order of the Magistrate. But if the one of them, by iust occasion of feare, be compelled to depart from the other; and cannot returne againe without apparent danger of life; in this p. 105 case they are not bound to returne; but the delinquent partie is to remaine solitarie, till they be instructed and made willing to doe their duties: and in the meane while, the partie innocent must be resolued that God hath called him or her to single life.

Againe, be it that the one is resolutely vnwilling to dwell with the other, and thereupon flies away without any fault of the other; if the thing after a long space bee sufficiently knowne before-hand, and all possible meanes haue been vsed, to reclaime the guiltie person; yea being called, he doth not personally appeare before the Iudge, to yeeld a reason of the fact; after publike and solemne declaration made, the Minister vpon such desertion, may pronounce the mariage to be dissolued. For he that vpon malice flieth away from his mate, is to bee holden in the same termes with an vnbelieuer, who departs vpon detestation of religion, and the seruice of God, 1. Tim. 5. 8.

Howbeit, if the place whither he is fled, be vnknowne, and vpon his flight p. 106 there be found some fault in the Plaintiffe, she is not to be heard, or set at libertie by the Iudge in this case, though shee pretend want of the gift of continencie.

But suppose he that fled come againe vnlooked for, and requires his spouse; then in case the former course hath not bin taken, nor iudgement giuen against him, they may be reconciled and come together againe. If it hath, and matters be concluded, hee is not vpon his returne to bee heard, but rather seuerely punished.

Like vnto Desertion, is malicious and spitefull dealing of married folkes one with the other.

Malicious dealing is, when dwelling together, they require each of other intolerable conditions: and when the one doth not regard nor relieue the other, being in danger or extremity, as is meet. For this is as much as to betray one anothers estate and life to their vtter enemies.

Heere it may be demanded, what a belieuer should do, who is in certaine p. 107 and imminent danger, either of losse of life, or breach of conscience, if they both abide together?

Answ. I. This certaine danger hath his originall, either from one that is a stranger, or from one of the parties: If from a stranger, then the husband either takes vpon him the defence of his belieuing wife, or not; if he doth, then she ought to abide with him. If not, she may depart and prouide for her owne safetie. II. Againe, if the husband threatneth hurt, the belieuing wife may flie in this case; and it is all one, as if the vnbelieuing man should depart. For to depart from one, and driue one away by threats, are aequipollent.

Neither may this seeme strange vnto any, that the belieuer in such case is allowed to depart. For a husband that is a Christian is married two waies: First with Christ, and secondly with his wife. The former mariage is made in Baptisme, and is a more holy coniunction, then is the latter. Therfore when these two cannot stand together, but one of them must needs be dissolued; the latter p. 108 must rather be left then the former. Againe, if the belieuer should remaine with the vnbelieuer, she should haplie be vrged sometimes, in case of danger vpon infirmitie, to deny Christ, & make ship wracke of faith and good conscience; which may in no sort be done of either partie: and therefore separation is to be made rather in this society, then that the cōiunction with Christ should not stand firme, and continue.

It is alledged, that if this be so, then the belieuing wife forsakes the vnbelieuing husband, which she may not do.

Answ. She forsakes him not finally, but leaues him for a time. Againe, the desertion is not made by the person, which giueth place for the time, but by him in whom is the cause of the desertion; euen as he is not to be termed a Schismatike, which separateth himself, but hee in whom is the cause of the Schisme.

Againe, it is obiected, that he which flieth leaues his calling; and euery man must abide in his calling; according to the rule of the Apostle, 1. Cor. 7. 20.

p. 109 Answ. There is a double calling; The generall, standing in the worship of God; The particular, as the calling of mariage, or of single life. When these two callings cannot stand together, the latter must giue place to the former, Luk. 14. 26. If any man come to me, & hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters; yea and his owne life also, he cannot be my disciple.

III. Case. When the husband is perpetually absent from the wife, what is to be done?

Answ. If he be absent either because he is in captiuitie, or vpon malice, or feare, or any such like cause; the wife must rest in expectation of his returne, till she hath notice of his death, either by sufficient testimonie, or by apparant likelihoods. Now in the want of testimonies, and coniectures in this behalfe, if the partie forsaken cannot certainly determine, that the absence was made vpon an euill mind; some haue thought that it behoueth her to expect his comming again for the space of foure years; others of fiue; some of seuen, some of p. 110 ten yeares; after which time, she is free, and may marrie another man. And if the partie do haplie returne againe after some long space of time, who was probablie thought to haue been dead, the latter mariage vndertaken vpon necessarie ignorance of such an euent, may be dissolued; and it shall not be imputed to either partie, considering it fell out not by their fault, but only by accident.

Now if the question bee of wilfull and affected absence, the same is to be determined concerning that, which hath bin said before touching the point of Desertion.