Then & Now · Volume I · 13 of 13
The Parents’ Duty towards Their Children
The Parents’ Duty towards Their Children
§. 115. Of the connexion of Parents dutie with Childrens.
§. 115. Of the connection of Parents duty with Children’s.
EPHES. 6. 4. And ye fathers, prouoke not your children to wrath: but bring them vp in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Eph 6:‸4.
And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
THe Apoſtle hauing vrged children to performe their duties to their parents, he turneth his ſpeech to parents, ſaying, AND ye fathers, &c. That copulatiue particle AND, ioyning an exhortation to parents, for performing their duties to the forenamed exhortation made to children, giueth vs to vnderſtand, that
The Apostle having urged children to perform their duties to their parents, he turneth his speech to parents, saying, AND ye fathers, etc‸. That copulative particle AND, joining an exhortation to parents, for performing their duties to the forenamed exhortation made to children, giveth us to understand, that
Parents are as well bound to dutie as children. Their duties1034 indeed be different, yet (notwithſtanding their ſuperioritie and authoritie ouer their children) they are bound to dutie. All the directions and exhortations throughout the Scripture giuen vnto parents, concerning their dutie, and all the threatnings denounced, and iudgements executed on parents for neglect of their dutie, are pregnant proofes of this point.
- 1034. 1. Obſeru. Parents bound to duties.
Parents are as well bound to duty as children. Their duties1033 indeed be different, yet (notwithstanding their superiority and authority over their children) they are bound to duty. All the directions and exhortations throughout the Scripture given unto parents, concerning their duty, and all the threatenings denounced, and judgments executed on parents for neglect of their duty, are pregnant proofs of this point.
- 1033. 1. Obseru. Parents bound to duties.
Though parents be ouer their children, and by them cannot be commanded, yet they are vnder God: and he it is who hath enioyned them their dutie: ſo as they are bound thereunto, as they will anſwer it to their Father in heauen.
Though parents be over their children, and by them cannot be commanded, yet they are under God: and he it is who hath enjoined them their duty: so as they are bound thereunto, as they will answer it to their father in heaven.
The authoritie which parents haue, is not ſo much for their owne aduancement, as for the better gouerning of their children, which being ſo, their verie gouernment is a dutie.
The authority which parents have, is not so much for their own advancement, as for the better governing of their children, which being so, their very government is a duty.
Object. In the morall Law the dutie of children only is expreſſed.1035
Object. In the moral Law the duty of children only is expressed.1034
Anſw. Parents dutie (as many others duties) is by iuſt and neceſſarie conſequence implied, which is equiualent, and as p. 154 much bindeth, as if it were expreſſed. It is thus implied. They who haue honour, muſt carrie themſelues worthie of honour. Now the way to carrie themſelues worthie of honour, is to be carefull in doing dutie to them that honour them. This is ſo equall, as it needed not to be expreſt.
- 1035. How parents duties are implied in the 5. Commandement.
Answ. Parents duty (as many others duties) is by just and necessary consequence implied, which is equivalent, and as much bindeth, as if it were expressed. It is thus implied. They who have honour, must carry themselves worthy of honour. Now the way to carry themselves worthy of honour, is to be careful in doing duty to them that honour them. This is so equal, as it needed not to be expressed.
- 1034. How parents duties are implied in the 5. Commandment.
Wherefore let Miniſters follow this patterne of the Apoſtle,1036 and carrie an euen hand towards all of all ſorts: let them not be partiall in laying all the burden of dutie on childrens necks, and none on parents: holding in children verie ſtraitly, but leauing parents to their owne will. Parents are fleſh and bloud as well as children, and as prone to tranſgreſſe in their place, as children in theirs. Yea, Miniſters ought of the two to be more earneſt in vrging parents to performe their dutie, becauſe they are vnder no ſuch power and authoritie as children are. Feare of parents authoritie keepeth children much in awe. There is no ſuch thing to keepe parents in awe. They will be more readie therefore to take the greater libertie, if by feare of God, and by a good conſcience, they be not kept in compaſſe.
- 1036. 1. Vſe. Miniſters muſt prouoke parents to their dutie.
Wherefore let Ministers follow this pattern of the Apostle,1035 and carry an even hand towards all of all sorts: let them not be partial in laying all the burden of duty on children’s necks, and none on parents: holding in children very straitly, but leaving parents to their own will. Parents are flesh and blood as well as children, and as prone to transgress in their place, as children in theirs. Yea, Ministers ought of the two to be more earnest in urging parents to perform their duty, because they are under no such power and authority as children are. Fear of parents authority keepeth children much in awe. There is no such thing to keep parents in awe. They will be more ready therefore to take the greater liberty, if by fear of God, and by a good conscience, they be not kept in compass.
- 1035. 1. Use. Ministers must provoke parents to their duty.
Now ye (ô parents) as you looke for honour, carrie yourſelues1037 worthie of honour: as ye looke for dutie from your children, performe dutie to them. Know that another day, euen you ſhall be called to an account before the higheſt Iudge: your authoritie will then be no pretence to excuſe, but an euidence to aggrauate your fault. For you being elder in yeeres, and more eminent in place, of more experience, and hauing a charge ouer your children, ought to be a light to ſhew them the way, an example to allure them, that they ſeeing you carefull and conſcionable in performing your dutie, may be the more prouoked to performe theirs, or at leaſt made aſhamed of their neglect of dutie. But if you be careleſſe of your dutie, how can ye expect dutie at their hands? nay if by your ill example they haue beene made negligent, their bloud ſhall be required at your hands.
- 1037. 2. Uſe.
Now ye (ô parents) as you look for honour, carry your selves1036 worthy of honour: as ye look for duty from your children, perform duty to them. Know that another day, even you shall be called to an account before the highest Judge: your authority will then be no pretence to excuse, but an evidence to aggravate your fault. For you being elder in years, and more eminent in place, of more experience, and having a charge over your children, ought to be a light to show them the way, an example to allure them, that they seeing you careful and conscionable in performing your duty, may be the more provoked to perform theirs, or at least made ashamed of their neglect of duty. But if you be careless of your duty, how can ye expect duty at their hands? Nay if by your ill example they have been made negligent, their blood shall be required at your hands.
- 1036. 2. Use.
§. 116. Of the extent of theſe words, Fathers, Children.
§. 116. Of the extent of these words, Fathers, Children.
Though the word (Fathers) be here vſed, which properly1038 ſetteth forth naturall parents, and of naturall parents the male kinde, yet (as in many other places) it is to be taken in a larger extent: euen in as large as this word (children) was before, p. 155 that ſo there may be a iuſt and equall relation betwixt children1039 and parents: wherefore both ſexes of naturall parents are compriſed vnder it, euen mother as well as father, and they alſo who are in place of parents, whether by mariage as all ſorts of fathers and mothers in Law, or by appointment, as all they who of right haue the cuſtodie and charge of children, as Guardians, Tutors, and other like Gouernours: and ſo it is euerie way anſwerable to the word (parents) vſed in the firſt verſe: and the word (children) is alſo here to be taken in the ſame extent, as it was there.
Though the word (fathers) be here used, which properly1037 setteth forth natural parents, and of natural parents the male kind, yet (as in many other places) it is to be taken in a larger extent: even in as large as this word (children) was before, that so there may be a just and equal relation betwixt children1038 and parents: wherefore both sexes of natural parents are comprised under it, even mother as well as father, and they also who are in place of parents, whether by marriage as all sorts of fathers and mothers in Law, or by appointment, as all they who of right have the custody and charge of children, as Guardians, Tutors, and other like Governors: and so it is every way answerable to the word (parents) used in the first verse: and the word (children) is also here to be taken in the same extent, as it was there.
§. 117. Of parents prouoking children.
§. 117. Of parents provoking children.
The next phraſe (prouoke to wrath) is the expoſition of one1040 Greeke word, which being a compound word, cannot by one Engliſh word be fully expreſſed: the beſt and neereſt that I can thinke of is (exaſperate.) The word ſignifieth an extremitie in the vſe of authoritie: euen too much auſteritie and ſeueritie, whereby children are prouoked to wrath: which becauſe it is a fault, it is here expreſly forbidden (prouoke not, &c.) In this word there is a trope: the effect is put for the cauſe: The Apoſtles meaning is, that parents ſhould take ſuch heed of their cariage toward their children, as they giue them no occaſion to be ſtirred vp to wrath. Vnder this word then are forbidden1041 all ſuch things, as may kindle wrath in children, as too much auſteritie in cariage, ſowreneſſe in countenance, threatning and reuiling in words, too hard handling, too ſeuere correction, too much reſtraint of libertie, too ſmall allowance of things needfull, with the like. Parents being fleſh and bloud are ſubiect in this kinde to abuſe their authoritie: yea, euen they who fall into the other extreme of too much indulgencie and cockering of their children, are verie prone to fall alſo into this extreme: as many who for the moſt part too much ſuffer their children without due reſtraint and correction to runne into all riot, will ſometimes on a ſudden, like Lions, flie vpon them, and after their owne pleaſure correct them, and ſo exceedingly prouoke1042 their children. Such as are moſt cockering, are moſt prone to prouoke to wrath: for, 1. Such leaſt know how to keepe a meane: one will ſooner leape out of one extreme into another, p. 156 then goe from an extreme to the meane. 2. The children of ſuch are ſooneſt prouoked.
The next phrase (provoke to wrath) is the exposition of one1039 Greek word, which being a compound word, cannot by one English word be fully expressed: the best and nearest that I can think of is (exasperate.) The word signifieth an extremity in the use of authority: even too much austerity and severity, whereby children are provoked to wrath: which because it is a fault, it is here expressly forbidden (provoke not, etc‸.) In this word there is a trope: the effect is put for the cause: The Apostles meaning is, that parents should take such heed of their carriage toward their children, as they give them no occasion to be stirred up to wrath. Under this word then are forbidden1040 all such things, as may kindle wrath in children, as too much austerity in carriage, sourness in countenance, threatening and reviling in words, too hard handling, too severe correction, too much restraint of liberty, too small allowance of things needful, with the like. Parents being flesh and blood are subject in this kind to abuse their authority: yea, even they who fall into the other extreme of too much indulgency and cockering of their children, are very prone to fall also into this extreme: as many who for the most part too much suffer their children without due restraint and correction to run into all riot, will sometimes on a sudden, like Lions, fly upon them, and after their own pleasure correct them, and so exceedingly provoke1041 their children. Such as are most cockering, are most prone to provoke to wrath: for, 1. Such least know how to keep a mean: one will sooner leap out of one extreme into another, then go from an extreme to the mean. 2. The children of such are soonest provoked.
Queſt. Is it a thing lawfull and iuſtifiable in children to be prouoked to wrath by their parents?
Quest. Is it a thing lawful and justifiable in children to be provoked to wrath by their parents?
Anſw.1043 No. This prohibition intendeth no ſuch thing: the Apoſtle hath here to doe with parents: and inſtructeth them how to preuent ſuch miſchiefes as their children through their weakneſſe may fall into. So as here only he ſheweth what is vnlawfull for parents, not what is lawfull for children. Hence then by the way I obſerue that
- 1043. See Treat. 5. §. 31, 41.
Answ.1042 No. This prohibition intendeth no such thing: the Apostle hath here to do with parents: and instructeth them how to prevent such mischiefs as their children through their weakness may fall into. So as here only he showeth what is unlawful for parents, not what is lawful for children. Hence then by the way I observe that
- 1042. See Treat. 5. §. 31, 41.
If they doe, they make their owne ſinne the more hainous, and alſo they pull downe vpon their owne pates a farre more heauie vengeance, euen the vengeance of their owne ſinne, and the vengeance of their childes ſinne. For euery parent is made a watchman ouer his childe. If a watchman doe not1045 what he can to hinder the ſinne of ſuch as are vnder his charge, he pulls their bloud on his owne necke. What doe they then that being watchmen, miniſter occaſion of ſinne to them that are vnder their charge?
- 1045. Ezec. 3. 18. [moved in the edition]
If they do, they make their own sin the more heinous, and also they pull down upon their own pates a far more heavy vengeance, even the vengeance of their own sin, and the vengeance of their childes sin. For every parent is made a watchman over his child. If a watchman1044 do not what he can to hinder the sin of such as are under his charge, he pulls their blood on his own neck. What do they then that being watchmen, minister occasion of sin to them that are under their charge?
- 1044. Ezek 3:‸18. [moved here by the editor]
§. 118. Of parents ſeeking the good of their children.
§. 118. Of parents seeking the good of their children.
It is not ſufficient for parents to preuent ſuch miſchiefes as1047 children may fall into, but they muſt alſo ſeeke their good. All the precepts in Scripture charging parents to ſeeke their childrens good, proue the point. Herein lieth a maine difference betwixt the affection which parents and ſtrangers ought to beare toward children, and the dutie which one and the other owe to them. Meere ſtrangers ought not to prouoke them: but parents ought moreouer euery way to ſeeke their good.
- 1047. 3. Obſer.
It is not sufficient for parents to prevent such mischiefs as1046 children may fall into, but they must also seek their good. All the precepts in Scripture charging parents to seek their children’s good, prove the point. Herein lieth a main difference betwixt the affection which parents and strangers ought to bear toward children, and the duty which one and the other owe to them. Mere strangers ought not to provoke them: but parents ought moreover every way to seek their good.
- 1046. 3. Obser.
The maine good which parents ought eſpecially to ſeeke after in the behalfe of their children, is noted out in theſe words: Bring them vp in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The main good which parents ought especially to seek after in the behalf of their children, is noted out in these words: Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The word tranſlated (bring vp) properly ſignifieth to feed1048 p. 157 or nouriſh with all needfull things; it is the ſame that is vſed before in the 5. chapter and 29. verſe, and there tranſlated nouriſheth. Not vnfitly might the proper ſignification of the1049 word be here kept, as the beſt Latine tranſlations, the French, and others haue kept.
The word translated (bring up) properly signifieth to feed1047 or nourish with all needful things; it is the same that is used before in the 5. Chapter and 29. Verse, and there translated nourisheth. Not unfitly might the proper signification of the1048 word be here kept, as the best Latin translations, the French, and others have kept.
This word ioyned with the others that follow, may ſeeme1050 at firſt ſight to be here placed only to make vp the ſenſe, as if he had thus ſaid, nurture your childe in the wayes of God. But if the ſcope of the Apoſtle, and ſignification of the word be well weighed, we ſhall finde that it further implieth a generall dutie, which nature it ſelfe teacheth parents, euen this, that
- 1050. Nourriſſez. Fr.
This word joined with the others that follow, may seem1049 at first sight to be here placed only to make up the sense, as if he had thus said, nurture your child in the ways of God. But if the scope of the Apostle, and signification of the word be well weighed, we shall find that it further implieth a general duty, which nature it self teacheth parents, even this, that
- 1049. Nourrissez. Fr.
Parents ought to prouide all needfull things for their children:1051 euen ſuch things as tend to the nouriſhing of their bodies, and preſeruing of their health and life: for this phraſe (to tranſlate it word for word) nouriſh them in diſcipline, or in inſtruction, is a conciſe ſpeech, implying as much as if he had ſaid, nouriſh and nurture them, or feed and inſtruct them. But the Apoſtle hath thus neerely and conciſely ioyned them together, to ſhew that Nurture and inſtruction is as needfull and profitable, as food and apparell.
- 1051. 4. Obſeru. Parents to prouide all needfull things for children. ἐκτρέφετε αὐτὰ ἐν παιδείᾳ. ἐκτρέφετε καὶ παιδεύετε αὐτά.
Parents ought to provide all needful things for their children:1050 even such things as tend to the nourishing of their bodies, and preserving of their health and life: for this phrase (to translate it word for word) nourish them in discipline, or in instruction, is a concise speech, implying as much as if he had said, nourish and nurture them, or feed and instruct them. But the Apostle hath thus nearly and concisely joined them together, to show that Nurture and instruction is as needful and profitable, as food and apparel.
- 1050. 4. Obseru. Parents to provide all needful things for children. ἐκτρέφετε αὐτὰ ἐν παιδείᾳ. ἐκτρέφετε καὶ παιδεύετε αὐτά.
The word tranſlated nurture, ſignifieth as well correction as inſtruction: as Heb. 12. 7. If ye endure chaſtening: and 2 Tim. 3. 16. The Scripture is profitable for inſtruction in righteouſneſſe. Both ſenſes will here ſtand, and our Engliſh word (as well as the Greeke) will beare both: for to nurture children, is as well to correct them, as to inſtruct them. Verie fitly is this aduice in this large acceptation inferred vpon the former prohibition: for leſt parents ſhould thereupon take occaſion to lay the reines vpon their childrens necks, and let them run whither they liſt, the Apoſtle hereby teacheth, that
- 1052. 5. Obſeru. παιδεία. εἰ παιδείαν ὑπομένετε. πρὸς παιδείαν τὴν ἐν δικαιοσύνῃ.
The word translated nurture, signifieth as well correction as instruction: as Heb‸ 12:‸7. If ye endure chastening: and 2 Tim‸ 3:‸16. The Scripture is profitable for instruction in righteousness. Both senses will here stand, and our English word (as well as the Greek) will bear both: for to nurture children, is as well to correct them, as to instruct them. Very fitly is this advice in this large acceptation inferred upon the former prohibition: for lest parents should thereupon take occasion to lay the reins upon their children’s necks, and let them run whither they list, the Apostle hereby teacheth, that
- 1051. 5. Obseru. παιδεία. εἰ παιδείαν ὑπομένετε. πρὸς παιδείαν τὴν ἐν δικαιοσύνῃ.
Parents, as they may not be too auſtere, ſo neither too remiſſe.1053 They muſt not prouoke their children to wrath, yet they muſt keepe them vnder diſcipline. The word tranſlated nurture, according to the1054 Greeke notation thereof doth further ſet forth the meane betwixt the two forenamed extremes: for it noteth out ſuch a diſcipline as befitteth a lad, or a young childe: ſo as the thing it ſelfe, diſcipline, by inſtruction and correction keepeth p. 158 from one extreme of remiſneſſe: the kinde or manner of diſcipline being ſuch as befitteth a childe, keepeth from the other extreme of rigour and crueltie. Extremes on either ſide are dangerous and pernicious, and that to parent and childe. For remiſneſſe will make children careleſſe of all dutie to God and parent: rigour will make them deſperate. But vertue and ſafetie conſiſteth in the meane betwixt both.
Parents, as they may not be too austere, so neither too remiss.1052 They must not provoke their children to wrath, yet they must keep them under discipline. The word translated nurture, according to the1053 Greek notation thereof doth further set forth the mean betwixt the two forenamed extremes: for it noteth out such a discipline as befiteth a lad, or a young child: so as the thing it self, discipline, by instruction and correction keepeth from one extreme of remissness: the kind or manner of discipline being such as befiteth a child, keepeth from the other extreme of rigour and cruelty. Extremes on either side are dangerous and pernicious, and that to parent and child. For remissness will make children careless of all duty to God and parent: rigour will make them desperate. But virtue and safety consisteth in the mean betwixt both.
§. 120. Of parents fixing precepts in their childrens mindes.
§. 120. Of parents fixing precepts in their children’s minds.
This word (admonition) according to the1055 notation thereof, hath a particular relation to the minde, and pointeth out an informing and inſtructing of it. It is taken either for the action of admoniſhing, (as Tit. 3. 10. reiect an hereticke1056 after the firſt and ſecond admonition) or for the1057 thing admoniſhed, in which latter ſenſe moſt doe here take it: yet would I not haue the former cleane excluded, for according to the full meaning of the word, I take thus much to be intended.
This word (admonition) according to the1054 notation thereof, hath a particular relation to the mind, and pointeth out an informing and instructing of it. It is taken either for the action of admonishing, (as Titus 3:‸10. reject an heretic1055 after the first and second admonition) or for the1056 thing admonished, in which latter sense most do here take it: yet would I not have the former clean excluded, for according to the full meaning of the word, I take thus much to be intended.
As parents deliuer good precepts and principles to their children,1058 ſo they muſt be carefull, by forcible and frequent admonitions, to fix and ſettle them in the minde of their children.1059 The Law expreſſeth as much by another metaphor which it vſeth, in a direction which it giueth to parents, ſaying, thou ſhalt whet or ſharpen Gods Lawes vpon thy children, that is,1060 thou ſhalt teach them diligently vnto them.
As parents deliver good precepts and principles to their children,1057 so they must be careful, by forcible and frequent admonitions, to fix and settle them in the mind of their children.1058 The Law expresseth as much by another metaphor which it useth, in a direction which it giveth to parents, saying, thou shalt whet or sharpen God’s Laws upon thy children, that is,1059 thou shalt teach them diligently unto them.
The more paines is taken in this kinde, the leſſe labour will be loſt. That which at firſt is little heeded, by much vrging and preſsing will for euer be held, as a naile that at one blow ſcarſe entreth, with many blowes is knockt vp to the head.
The more pains is taken in this kind, the less labour will be lost. That which at first is little heeded, by much urging and pressing will for ever be held, as a nail that at one blow scarce entereth, with many blows is knockt up to the head.
§ 121. Of adding information to diſcipline.
§. 121. Of adding information to discipline.
The addition of this word admonition vnto nurture, is not (as ſome take it) a meere explication of the ſame point, but alſo a declaration of a further dutie, which is this:
The addition of this word admonition unto nurture, is not (as some take it) a mere explication of the same point, but also a declaration of a further duty, which is this:
As parents by diſcipline keepe their children vnder, ſo by information1061 they muſt direct them in the right way. Salomon doth both deliuer the point, and alſo adde a good reaſon to inforce it: for ſaith he, Traine vp a childe in the way that he ſhould goe; there is the dutie: and when he is old, he will not depart from it; there1062 is the reaſon. Keeping a childe vnder by good diſcipline, may make him dutifull while the father is ouer him: but well informing p. 159 his vnderſtanding and iudgement, is a meanes to vphold him in the right way ſo long as he liueth.
As parents by discipline keep their children under, so by information1060 they must direct them in the right way. Solomon doth both deliver the point, and also add a good reason to enforce it: for saith he, Train up a child in the way that he should go; there is the duty: and when he is old, he will not depart from it;1061 there is the reason. Keeping a child under by good discipline, may make him dutiful while the father is over him: but well informing his understanding and judgment, is a means to uphold him in the right way so long as he liveth.
§. 122. Of parents teaching their children the feare of God.
§. 122. Of parents teaching their children the fear of God.
The laſt word (of the Lord) intimateth the beſt dutie that1063 a parent can doe for his childe. Admonition of the Lord, declareth ſuch principles as a parent hath receiued from the Lord, and learned out of Gods word: ſuch as may teach a childe to feare the Lord, ſuch as tend to true pietie and religion: whence further I obſerue, that
- 1063. Κυρίου.
The last word (of the Lord) intimateth the best duty that1062 a parent can do for his child. Admonition of the Lord, declareth such principles as a parent hath received from the Lord, and learned out of God’s word: such as may teach a child to fear the Lord, such as tend to true piety and religion: whence further I observe, that
- 1062. Κυρίου.