Of Domestical Duties · Volume II

Then & Now · Volume II · 11 of 18

A Wife’s Active Obedience to Her Husband

A Wife’s Active Obedience to Her Husband

§. 43. Of a wiues actiue Obedience.

§. 43. Of a wives active Obedience.

p. 315

It is a good proofe and triall of a wiues obedience, to abſtaine from doing ſuch things as otherwiſe ſhe would doe, if her huſbands contrarie will did not reſtraine her: but yet that is not ſufficient, there muſt be an actiue, as well as a paſſiue obedience yeelded. That old Law before mentioned (thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thine husband, and he ſhall rule ouer thee) implieth ſo much alſo. If ſhe refuſe to doe what he would haue her to doe, her deſire is not ſubiect to him, but to her ſelfe, neither doth he rule ouer her.

It is a good proof and trial of a wives obedience, to abstain from doing such things as otherwise she would do, if her husbands contrary will did not restrain her: but yet that is not sufficient, there must be an active, as well as a passive obedience yielded. That old Law before mentioned (thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee) implieth so much also. If she refuse to do what he would have her to do, her desire is not subject to him, but to her self, neither doth he rule over her.

This actiue part of her obedience hath reſpect

This active part of her obedience hath respect

1. To his commandements, readily to doe what he lawfully782 commands.

  1. 782. A wiues actiue obedience reſpecteth firſt her husbands commandement.

1. To his commandments, readily to do what he lawfully782 commands.

  1. 782. A wives active obedience respecteth first her husbands commandment.

2. To his reproofes, carefully to redreſſe what he iuſtly blameth.

2. To his reproofs, carefully to redress what he justly blameth.

For the firſt, ſo farre ought a wife to be from thinking ſcorne to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any meanes ſhe hath of her husbands minde and will, ought to haue the force of a ſtraight commandement with her. This readineſſe to obey is commended in the wiues of Iaakob, to whom when Iaakob had declared what motiues he had to depart from their fathers houſe, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would haue them to goe with him, yet before he particularly expreſſed his will, they readily anſwered, Whatſoeuer God783 hath ſaid vnto thee, doe: whereby they gaue him to vnderſtand that they were ready to yeeld vnto whatſoeuer he would haue done.

  1. 783. Gen. 31. 16.

For the first, so far ought a wife to be from thinking scorn to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any means she hath of her husbands mind and will, ‸ought to have the force of a straight commandment with her. This readiness to obey is commended in the wives of Jacob, to whom when Jacob had declared what motives he had to depart from their fathers house, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would have them to go with him, yet before he particularly expressed his will, they readily answered, Whatsoever God783 hath said unto thee, do: whereby they gave him to understand that they were ready to yield unto whatsoever he would have done.

  1. 783. Gen‸ 31:‸16.

§. 44. Of a wiues willingneſſe to784 dwell where her husband will.

§. 44. Of a wives willingness to dwell where her husband will.*

To make this part of a wiues obedience ſomewhat more cleare, I will exemplifie it by two or three particular inſtances, recorded and approued in Gods word.

  1. 784. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved in the edition]

To make this part of a wives obedience somewhat more clear, I will exemplify it by two or three particular instances, recorded and approved in God’s word.

  1. 784. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved here by the editor]

The firſt is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will haue her dwell.

The first is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will have her dwell.

The wiues of Abraham, Iſaak, and Iaakob, herein manifeſted their wiue-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their owne countrey, and from their fathers houſe, yet they refuſed not to goe with them, but dwelt in a ſtrange countrey, and that in tents.

The wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, herein manifested their wive-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their own country, and from their fathers house, yet they refused not to go with them, but dwelt in a strange country, and that in tents.

p. 316 Note in particular what Iaakobs wiues ſay to their husband in this caſe, Is there any portion or inheritance for vs in our fathers785 houſe? implying thereby, that ſeeing it was their husbands pleaſure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers houſe, to looke for any more portion or inheritance there.

  1. 785. Gen. 31. 14.

Note in particular what Jacob’s wives say to their husband in this case, Is there any portion or inheritance for us in our fathers785 house? implying thereby, that seeing it was their husbands pleasure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers house, to look for any more portion or inheritance there.

  1. 785. Gen‸ 31:‸14.

Theſe examples doe further ſhew that if an husband haue iuſt occaſion to remoue from one country to another, and in thoſe countries from place to place, his wife ought to yeeld to goe with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apoſtle ſaith, haue we not power to lead about a wife? That interrogation786 implieth a ſtrong aſſeueration. The husband then hauing power to lead about a wife from place to place, ſhe ought to ſubmit her ſelfe to that power. This clauſe (as well as other Apoſtles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) ſheweth, that this was not only a power which might be vſed, but which was vſed by huſbands, and yeelded vnto by wiues.

  1. 786. 1 Cor. 9. 5. [moved in the edition]

These examples do further show that if an husband have just occasion to remove from one country to another, and in those countries from place to place, his wife ought to yield to go with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apostle saith, have we not power to lead about a wife?786 That interrogation implieth a strong asseveration. The husband then having power to lead about a wife from place to place, she ought to submit her self to that power. This clause (as well as other Apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) showeth, that this was not only a power which might be used, but which was used by husbands, and yielded unto by wives.

  1. 786. 1 Cor‸ 9:‸5. [moved here by the editor]

Obiect. The forenamed examples are extraordinary, and that vpon extraordinary occaſions.

Object. The forenamed examples are extraordinary, and that upon extraordinary occasions.

Anſw. Yet they may be patternes for ordinary occaſions which are lawfull and warrantable. Was it not an extraordinary fact of Eliah to pray firſt that there might be no raine, and787 then againe that there might be raine? yet is this propounded as a generall patterne to moue vs to pray for things lawfull.

  1. 787. Iam. 5. 17. [moved in the edition]

Answ. Yet they may be patterns for ordinary occasions which are lawful and warrantable. Was it not an extraordinary fact of Elijah to pray first that there might be no rain,787 and then again that there might be rain? Yet is this propounded as a general pattern to move us to pray for things lawful.

  1. 787. Jas 5:‸17. [moved here by the editor]

Now in laying downe this dutie I added the clauſe and caueat of iuſt occaſion, to meet both with ſuch as vpon diſcontent, or ſuperſtition, leaue the land where the true Goſpell is maintained, and preached, and goe into idolatrous places: and alſo with ſuch wandring giddy heads as only to ſatisfie their owne humour, and to ſee faſhions, as we ſpeake, can neuer reſt in a place, but are continually remouing from countrey to countrey, and from place to place: I thinke (to vſe the words of the Apoſtle) a wife is not vnder bondage in ſuch caſeſ.788

  1. 788. 1 Cor. 7. 15.

Now in laying down this duty I added the clause and caveat of just occasion, to meet both with such as upon discontent, or superstition, leave the land where the true Gospel is maintained, and preached, and go into idolatrous places: and also with such wandering giddy heads as only to satisfy their own humour, and to see fashions, as we speak, can never rest in a place, but are continually removing from country to country, and from place to place: I think (to use the words of the Apostle) a wife is not under bondage in such cases.788

  1. 788. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸15.

But if a man be ſent of an ambaſſage by his Prince, or countrey: or if a Preacher or Profeſſor be called into another countrey, as Bucer and Peter Martyr were into England in King Edwards daies (which to this day is vſuall in other countries) or if a man be adiudged vnto long impriſonment, and p. 317 vpon theſe and other like occaſions ſhall require his wife to be with him, ſhe ought in dutie to yeeld vnto his demand.

But if a man be sent of an ambassage by his Prince, or country: or if a Preacher or Professor be called into another country, as Bucer and Peter Martyr were into England in King Edward’s days (which to this day is usual in other countries) or if a man be adjudged unto long imprisonment, and upon these and other like occasions shall require his wife to be with him, she ought in duty to yield unto his demand.

Contrary is the minde and practiſe of many wiues, who789 being affected and addicted to one place more then another, as to the place where they were bred and brought vp, where their greateſt, beſt, and moſt friends dwell, and where they haue good acquaintance, refuſe to goe and dwell where their husbands calling lieth, though he require, and deſire them neuer ſo much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great dammage for peace ſake to yeeld vnto their wiues, and ſo either to relinquiſh their calling, or to haue two houſes; whence it followeth, that ſometimes they muſt neglect their ſeruants and calling, and ſometimes be abſent from their wiues, if not from their children alſo. Some wiues pretend that they cannot endure the ſmoake of the citie, other that they cannot endure the aire of the countrie: whereas indeed their owne humour and conceit ſtuffes them more then either citie ſmoake or countrie aire. I cannot call ſuch the daughters of Sarah herein:790 they are not like thoſe forenamed holy women that truſted in God, and were ſubiect to their husbands, but rather like to that light houſewife of the Leuite, who would not dwell in her huſbands791 houſe at mount Ephraim, but at her fathers houſe in Beth-lehem Iudah. Such wiues as I ſpeake of, in matrimoniall chaſtitie may be more honeſt, but in wiuelike ſubiection are little more dutifull. Let this be taken for a fault, and it will be the ſooner amended.

  1. 789. Contrary, when a wife makes her huſband dwell where ſhe will.
  2. 790. 1 Pet. 3. 5, 6.
  3. 791. Iudg. 19. 2.

Contrary is the mind and practise of many wives, who789 being affected and addicted to one place more then another, as to the place where they were bred and brought up, where their greatest, best, and most friends dwell, and where they have good acquaintance, refuse to go and dwell where their husbands calling lieth, though he require, and desire them never so much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great damage for peace sake to yield unto their wives, and so either to relinquish their calling, or to have two houses; whence it followeth, that sometimes they must neglect their servants and calling, and sometimes be absent from their wives, if not from their children also. Some wives pretend that they cannot endure the smoke of the city, other that they cannot endure the air of the country: whereas indeed their own humour and conceit stuffs them more then either city smoke or country air. I cannot call such the daughters of Sarah herein:790 they are not like those forenamed holy women that trusted in God, and were subject to their husbands, but rather like to that light housewife of the Levite, who would not dwell in her husbands791 house at mount Ephraim, but at her fathers house in Beth-lehem Judah. Such wives as I speak of, in matrimonial chastity may be more honest, but in wivelike subjection are little more dutiful. Let this be taken for a fault, and it will be the sooner amended.

  1. 789. Contrary, when a wife makes her husband dwell where she will.
  2. 790. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸5, 6.
  3. 791. Judg‸ 19:‸2.

§. 45. Of a wiues792 readineſſe to come to her husband when he requires it.

§. 45. Of a wives readiness to come to her husband when he requires it.*

Another particular inſtance of a wiues readineſſe to yeeld vnto her husbands commandement is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or ſending for her. The forenamed793 wiues of Iaakob being ſent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuſe, but came preſently. So farre ought wiues herein to ſubiect their wills to their husbands, that though it may ſeeme to them ſome diſparagement to come, yet if their husbands will haue it ſo they muſt yeeld, otherwiſe they ſeeme euen to794 deſpiſe their husbands.

  1. 792. Treat. 4. §. 29. [moved in the edition]
  2. 793. Gen. 31. 4.
  3. 794. Eſth. 1. 17. [moved in the edition]

Another particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or sending for her. The forenamed793 wives of Jacob being sent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuse, but came presently. So far ought wives herein to subject their wills to their husbands, that though it may seem to them some disparagement to come, yet if their husbands will have it so they must yield, otherwise they seem even to despise their husbands.794

  1. 792. Treat. 4. §. 29. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 793. Gen‸ 31:‸4.
  3. 794. Esth‸ 1:‸17. [moved here by the editor]

p. 318 Contrary is Vaſhtie-like ſtoutneſſe, when wiues thinke and795 ſay, it is a ſeruants part to come when they are called or ſent for, and they will neuer yeeld to be their husbands ſeruants, to come at his command. By the ſame reaſon may all duties of ſubiection be reiected. But for this particular, let ſuch ſtout796 dames note the iſſue of Vaſhties ſtubbornneſſe. As many excuſes might be alleaged for her as I thinke for any: for Firſt, ſhe was797 royally deſcended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, ſhe was then among the honourable women of the kingdome. Thirdly, the King was in drinke when he ſent for her. Fourthly, he ſent for her to ſhew her beautie before multitudes of men, which was not ſeemely. But all theſe were not ſufficient to excuſe her fault, and free her from blame. Firſt, though ſhe were of royall parentage, yet ſhe was a wife, and her husband ſent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdome, ſhe ſhould the rather haue ſhewed her ſelfe a patterne of ſubiection in this kinde. Thirdly, though he were in drinke, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not ſuch but that ſhe might haue done it without ſinne. Fourthly, if ſhe thought the thing vnſeemely, ſhe ſhould firſt haue vſed all the faire meanes ſhe could to haue beene ſpared; but if by all ſhe could not haue preuailed, then (the thing being not ſimplie vnlawfull and a ſinne) ſhe ſhould haue yeelded.

  1. 795. Contrary, ſtoutneſſe in refuſing to come.
  2. 796. Eſth. 1. 16, &c.
  3. 797. Hebraei docent Vaſthiam natam fuiſſe ex Baltbaſare rege Chaldaeorum. Feuard. in Eſth. 1. Alij, ex Cyro. Merl. in Eſth.

Contrary is Vashti-like stoutness, when wives think and795 say, it is a servants part to come when they are called or sent for, and they will never yield to be their husbands servants, to come at his command. By the same reason may all duties of subjection be rejected. But for this particular, let such stout796 dames note the issue of Vashti’s stubbornness. As many excuses might be alleged for her as I think for any: for first, she was797 royally descended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, she was then among the honourable women of the kingdom. Thirdly, the King was in drink when he sent for her. Fourthly, he sent for her to show her beauty before multitudes of men, which was not seemly. But all these were not sufficient to excuse her fault, and free her from blame. First, though she were of royal parentage, yet she was a wife, and her husband sent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdom, she should the rather have showed her self a pattern of subjection in this kind. Thirdly, though he were in drink, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not such but that she might have done it without sin. Fourthly, if she thought the thing unseemly, she should first have used all the fair means she could to have been spared; but if by all she could not have prevailed, then (the thing being not simply unlawful and a sin) she should have yielded.

  1. 795. Contrary, stoutness in refusing to come.
  2. 796. Esth‸ 1:‸16, etc‸.
  3. 797. Hebraei docent Vasthiam natam fuisse ex Baltasare rege Chaldaeorum. Feuard. in Esth. 1. Alij, ex Cyro. Merl. in Esth.

Obiect. Her fault was not in that as a wife ſhe came not to her husband, but in that as a ſubiect ſhe came not to her Soueraigne.

Object. Her fault was not in that as a wife she came not to her husband, but in that as a subject she came not to her Sovereign.

Anſw. Her fault was in both: and in the iudgement paſſed againſt her, that former was moſt vrged, namely that by her798 example all women might learne to deſpiſe their husbands.

  1. 798. Esth. 1. 17.

Answ. Her fault was in both: and in the judgment passed against her, that former was most urged, namely that by her798 example all women might learn to despise their husbands.

  1. 798. Esth‸ 1:‸17.

2. Obiect. Her fact is ſo cenſured but by heathen men, that had no vnderſtanding of Gods word.

2. Object. Her fact is so censured but by heathen men, that had no understanding of God’s word.

Anſw. 1. The holy Scripture by the ſeuerall circumſtances ſo diſtinctly noted intimateth that her rebellious fact was a notorious fault: and accordingly both799 iudicious commenters, and alſo Preachers doe taxe her of ſinfull diſobedience to her husband.

  1. 799. Pellican. Lauater. Gualt. Strigel. Cuper. Merlin. Feuard. Bellator. Rupert. Iſiodor. Hiſp. Raban. alijꝗ Comment. in Eſth.

Answ. 1. The holy Scripture by the several circumstances so distinctly noted intimateth that her rebellious fact was a notorious fault: and accordingly both799 judicious commenters, and also Preachers do tax her of sinful disobedience to her husband.

  1. 799. Pellican. Lauater. Gualt. Strigel. Cuper. Merlin. Feuard. Bellator. Rupert. Isiodor. Hisp. Raban. alijque Comment. in Esth.

2. Though they were heathen, yet they ſhewed what ſubiection p. 319 is required of wiues to their husbands by the very light of nature, whereby this ſinne is aggrauated.

2. Though they were heathen, yet they showed what subjection is required of wives to their husbands by the very light of nature, whereby this sin is aggravated.

3. Abimelech was but a heathen man, yet his ſentence concerning a womans ſubiection in theſe words, he is to thee a800 couering of the eyes, is taken to be iudicious, and being approued by the holy Ghoſt, to be a good proofe. As for that particular of Uaſhtie, why is it ſo largely recorded in the Scripture but for inſtruction, and admonition vnto wiues?

  1. 800. Gen. 20. 16.

3. Abimelech was but a heathen man, yet his sentence concerning a woman’s subjection in these words, he is to thee a800 covering of the eyes, is taken to be judicious, and being approved by the Holy Ghost, to be a good proof. As for that particular of Vashti, why is it so largely recorded in the Scripture but for instruction, and admonition unto wives?

  1. 800. Gen‸ 20:‸16.

§. 46. Of a wiues readineſſe to801 doe what her husband requireth.

§. 46. Of a wives readiness to do what her husband requireth.*

A third particular inſtance of a wiues readineſſe to yeeld vnto her husbands commandement, is, to performe what buſineſſe he requireth of her. When of a ſudden there came three men to Abram, and he was deſirous to entertaine them, he bid his wife make readie quickly three meaſures of meale, &c. and ſhe802 did it accordingly. Ieroboam hauing a weightie occaſion to ſend to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to ſend by his803 wife, ſhe accordingly (though a Queene) went: ſhe did as her husband would haue her.

  1. 801. Treat. §. 29. [moved in the edition]
  2. 802. Gen. 18. 6. [moved in the edition]
  3. 803. 1 King. 14. 2, &c.

A third particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment, is, to perform what business he requireth of her. When of a sudden there came three men to Abram, and he was desirous to entertain them, he bid his wife make ready quickly three measures of meal, etc‸.802 And she did it accordingly. Jeroboam having a weighty occasion to send to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to send by his803 wife, she accordingly (though a Queen) went: she did as her husband would have her.

  1. 801. Treat. 4. §. 29. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 802. Gen‸ 18:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 803. 1 Kgs 14:‸2, etc‸.

Contrary is the humour of many wiues who will not doe804 any thing vpon command. If ſuch a wiues husband being deſirous to entertaine a friend on the ſudden, ſhall vſe Abrams phraſe, make readie quickly, &c. ſhe will ſay, let him come and doe it himſelfe, if he will haue it ſo quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, hauing a matter of moment and ſecrecie, he will his wife her ſelfe to doe it, ſhe will reply, I am none of your ſeruants; cannot you put it to one of them, or doe it your ſelfe? Yet will ſuch wiues be ready to command their husbands to doe euery toy, and if he doe it not, they can reply, is this ſuch a matter? and may not a wife ſpeake to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would caſt ſuch wiues into another mould.

  1. 804. Contrary, ſtubbornneſſe in refuſing to doe a thing vpon command.

Contrary is the humour of many wives who will not do804 any thing upon command. If such a wives husband being desirous to entertain a friend on the sudden, shall use Abram’s phrase, make ready quickly, etc‸. She will say, let him come and do it himself, if he will have it so quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, having a matter of moment and secrecy, he will his wife her self to do it, she will reply, I am none of your servants; cannot you put it to one of them, or do it your self? Yet will such wives be ready to command their husbands to do every toy, and if he do it not, they can reply, is this such a matter? And may not a wife speak to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would cast such wives into another mould.

  1. 804. Contrary, stubbornness in refusing to do a thing upon command.

Theſe few particulars may ſerue for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wiues actiue obedience, which reſpecteth the reproofes of her husband.

These few particulars may serve for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wives active obedience, which respecteth the reproofs of her husband.

§. 47. Of a wiues805 meeke taking a reproofe.

§. 47. Of a wives meek taking a reproof.*

The husband hauing authoritie ouer his wife, by vertue thereof he hath power, yea it is his dutie as there is needfull p. 320 cauſe to rebuke her: By iuſt conſequence therefore it followeth,806 that it is her dutie to yeeld obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done becauſe the chiefeſt triall of ſound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth ſo much againſt ones ſtomach as reproofe: ſhe that yeelds when ſhe is rebuked, will much more when ſhe is intreated. This point of obedience is manifeſted two waies.

  1. 805. Treat. 4. §. 34, 35. [moved in the edition]
  2. 806. A wiues actiue obedience to her husbands reproofe. The beſt triall of obedience.

The husband having authority over his wife, by virtue thereof he hath power, yea it is his duty as there is needful cause to rebuke her: By just consequence therefore it followeth,806 that it is her duty to yield obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done because the chiefest trial of sound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth so much against ones stomach as reproof: she that yields when she is rebuked, will much more when she is entreated. This point of obedience is manifested two ways.

  1. 805. Treat. 4. §. 34, 35. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 806. A wives active obedience to her husbands reproof. The best trial of obedience.

1. By meekneſſe in taking a reproofe.

1. By meekness in taking a reproof.

2. By endeuour to redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued. The very point of obedience eſpecially conſiſteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparatiue thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at leaſt not well done.

2. By endeavour to redress what is justly reproved. The very point of obedience especially consisteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparative thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at least not well done.

Meekneſſe in this caſe is one of the moſt principall fruits of807 that meeke and quiet ſpirit which S. Peter commendeth vnto wiues. Howſoeuer Rachel iuſtly deſerued blame for comming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that ſhe meekly tooke his ſharpe reproofe (for ſhe replied not againſt it, but meekly gaue a direction for the better accompliſhment of her deſire) her example is commendable: commendable I ſay, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproofe.

  1. 807. 1. She muſt meekly take reproofe. 1 Pet. 3. 4. Gen. 30. 1.

Meekness in this case is one of the most principal fruits of807 that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter commendeth unto wives. Howsoever Rachel justly deserved blame for coming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that she meekly took his sharp reproof (for she replied not against it, but meekly gave a direction for the better accomplishment of her desire) her example is commendable: commendable I say, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproof.

  1. 807. 1. She must meekly take reproof. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸4. Gen‸ 30:‸1.

Much wiſdome may be learned hereby: for when any808 meekly take a reproofe, thereby they ſuppreſſe their paſſion, and keepe it from riſing as a cloud before their vnderſtanding and darkning it, and ſo may they better iudge of the matter reproued whether it be iuſt or no: and whether it need redreſſe or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproofe, and fret and fume againſt it, cannot ſo well iudge. The virgin Mary made good vſe of Chriſts reprouing her, and thereby809 learned and taught a good point of wiſdome, namely ſo to referre our affaires to Chriſt as we expect his pleaſure; and not preſcribe time, meanes, manner, or any other like circumſtances vnto him.

  1. 808. Wiſdome learned.
  2. 809. Joh. 2. 4, 5. [moved in the edition]

Much wisdom may be learned hereby: for when any808 meekly take a reproof, thereby they suppress their passion, and keep it from rising as a cloud before their understanding and darkening it, and so may they better judge of the matter reproved whether it be just or no: and whether it need redress or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproof, and fret and fume against it, cannot so well judge. The virgin Mary made good use of Christ’s reproving her,809 and thereby learned and taught a good point of wisdom, namely so to refer our affairs to Christ as we expect his pleasure; and not prescribe time, means, manner, or any other like circumstances unto him.

  1. 808. Wisdom learned.
  2. 809. John 2:‸4, 5. [moved here by the editor]

Queſt. What if the husbands reproofe be bitter?810

Quest. What if the husbands reproof be bitter?810

Anſw. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon ſhe muſt not forget her duty. If Iaakobs reproofe be well noted, we ſhall finde it very tart, for it is expreſly ſaid that his anger was kindled againſt her, (Gen. 30. 2.) ſo as he ſpake in anger: the manner p. 321 and forme of his words being with an interrogation, and the811 matter alſo, am I in Gods ſtead, &c. declare tartneſſe: yet (as was declared before) ſhe ſhewed meekneſe.

  1. 810. Suadeo mulieribus vt viros etiam aſperiores perſerant. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1. Cor. 11.
  2. 811. Excandeſcenti marito cede, & molli oratione iuva. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.

Answ. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon she must not forget her duty. If Jacob’s reproof be well noted, we shall find it very tart, for it is expressly said that his anger was kindled against her, (Gen‸ 30:‸2‸) so as he spake in anger: the manner and form of his words being with an interrogation, and the811 matter also, am I in God’s stead, etc‸. declare tartness: yet (as was declared before) she showed meekness.

  1. 810. Suadeo mulieribus vt viros etiam asperiores perferant. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1‸ Cor‸ 11.
  2. 811. Excandescenti marito cede, & molli oratione iuva. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.

Queſt. What if his reproofe be vniuſt?

Quest. What if his reproof be unjust?

2. Anſw. Yet may not meekneſſe be forgotten. In ſuch a caſe a wife may make a iuſt apologie to cleare her owne innocencie, and manifeſt her husbands error: but if he refuſe to heare her, or will not beleeue her, then (as S. Peter ſpeaketh in another812 caſe) ſhe muſt endure griefe for conſcience toward God.

  1. 812. 1 Pet. 2. 19, 20.

2. Answ. Yet may not meekness be forgotten. In such a case a wife may make a just apology to clear her own innocency, and manifest her husbands error: but if he refuse to hear her, or will not believe her, then (as S. Peter speaketh in another812 case) she must endure grief for conscience toward God.

  1. 812. 1 Pet‸ 2:‸19, 20.

The two reaſons which there he rendreth in that other caſe may not vnfitly be applied to this.

The two reasons which there he rendereth in that other case may not unfitly be applied to this.

1. In generall this is thank-worthy, it is a grace, a glory to813 her: a matter that deſerueth praiſe and commendation.

  1. 813. χάρις.

1. In general this is thank-worthy, it is a grace, a glory to813 her: a matter that deserveth praise and commendation.

  1. 813. χάρις.

2. In particular it is acceptable to God: howſoeuer their huſbands814 may deale roughly and vntowardly with them, yet God will graciouſly reſpect them, if they ſhall patiently in obedience to his ordinance beare their husbands vniuſt reproofes.

  1. 814. χάρις παρὰ Θεῷ.

2. In particular it is acceptable to God: howsoever their husbands814 may deal roughly and untowardly with them, yet God will graciously respect them, if they shall patiently in obedience to his ordinance bear their husbands unjust reproofs.

  1. 814. χάρις παρὰ Θεῷ.

3. I may adde this reaſon alſo, that thus they ſhall ſhew themſelues good Chriſtians indeed, in that they are not ouercome815 of euill.

  1. 815. Rom. 12. 21.

3. I may add this reason also, that thus they shall show themselves good Christians indeed, in that they are not overcome815 of evil.

  1. 815. Rom‸ 12:‸21.

Contrary is their minde who by no meanes will brooke a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be iuſt or vniuſt: if their husbands reproue them, they ſhall be ſure to haue the reproofe rebounded backe againe vpon their faces, and that with greater violence then euer it came from them. There be ſome that ſeeme to be very good wiues till they be tried by the touch-ſtone of reproofe: but then though the reproofe be for matter moſt iuſt, for manner moſt milde, and that in priuate betwixt their husbands and themſelues, yet they grow ſo impatient, or rather mad, as they forbeare not to giue their husbands the moſt ſcornfull ſpeeches that they can inuent, vſing withall bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drowne or hang themſelues if they be croſſed of their wills. Yea further, if wiſe husbands ſhall forbeare them in their paſſion, and after it is allaied tell them how vnbeſeeming their places they carried themſelues, they will ſeeke to iuſtifie themſelues, and lay all the blame on their husbands for croſſing them in their will: or if they cannot but ſee their p. 322 fault, yet they will only ſay, it is my infirmitie: but yet euer continue in that infirmitie: and though they make ſhew of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the moſt part that contentions ariſe betwixt man and wife. If wiues would learne in this point to be ſubiect, many iarres, which from time to time ariſe betwixt them, would be allaied, if not preuented. Michal816 the wife of Dauid, and Iobs wife (though they gaue iuſt occaſion to be moſt ſharply reproued, yet) ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt theſe wiues, becauſe they were ſilent after they were reproued, and replied not. Salomon oft titles ſuch as cannot beare rebuke ſcorners: ſo as hereby wiues ſhew that817 they are very ſcornfull.

  1. 816. 2 Sam. 6. 20, &c. Iob 2. 10.
  2. 817. Prou 9. 7, 8. [moved in the edition]

Contrary is their mind who by no means will brook a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be just or unjust: if their husbands reprove them, they shall be sure to have the reproof rebounded back again upon their faces, and that with greater violence then ever it came from them. There be some that seem to be very good wives till they be tried by the touch-stone of reproof: but then though the reproof be for matter most just, for manner most mild, and that in private betwixt their husbands and themselves, yet they grow so impatient, or rather mad, as they forbear not to give their husbands the most scornful speeches that they can invent, using withal bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drown or hang themselves if they be crossed of their wills. Yea further, if wise husbands shall forbear them in their passion, and after it is allayed tell them how unbeseeming their places they carried themselves, they will seek to justify themselves, and lay all the blame on their husbands for crossing them in their will: or if they cannot but see their fault, yet they will only say, it is my infirmity: but yet ever continue in that infirmity: and though they make show of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the most part that contentions arise betwixt man and wife. If wives would learn in this point to be subject, many jars, which from time to time arise betwixt them, would be allayed, if not prevented. Michal816 the wife of David, and Job’s wife (though they gave just occasion to be most sharply reproved, yet) shall rise up in judgment against these wives, because they were silent after they were reproved, and replied not. Solomon oft titles such as cannot bear rebuke scorners:817 so as hereby wives show that they are very scornful.

  1. 816. 2 Sam‸ 6:‸20, etc‸. Job 2:‸10.
  2. 817. Prov 9:‸7, 8. [moved here by the editor]

§. 48. Of a wiues818 readineſſe to redreſſe what her husband iuſtly reproueth in her.

§. 48. Of a wives readiness to redress what her husband justly reproveth in her.*

A further degree of obedience in bearing reproofe is, that819 a wife readily redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued by her husband: I ſay iuſtly, becauſe where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needfull (as was before ſhewed) but no repentance of that which is not amiſſe. But where any thing is amiſſe, there muſt be a redreſſe. Rachel did amiſſe in820 bringing Idols into her husbands houſe: her husband in821 bidding her among others to put away their ſtrange gods, reproued them all. Whereupon ſhe with all the reſt gaue to him all their ſtrange gods. This was a good redreſſe.

  1. 818. Treat. 4. §. 35. [moved in the edition]
  2. 819. 2 She muſt redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued.
  3. 820. Gen. 31. 19.
  4. 821. & 35. 2, 4.

A further degree of obedience in bearing reproof is, that819 a wife readily redress what is justly reproved by her husband: I say justly, because where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needful (as was before showed) but no repentance of that which is not amiss. But where any thing is amiss, there must be a redress. Rachel did amiss in820 bringing Idols into her husbands house: her husband in821 bidding her among others to put away their strange gods, reproved them all. Whereupon she with all the rest gave to him all their strange gods. This was a good redress.

  1. 818. Treat. 4. §. 35. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 819. 2. She must redress what is justly reproved.
  3. 820. Gen‸ 31:‸19.
  4. 821. Gen 35:‸2, 4.

A reproofe may be iuſtly giuen either for a good dutie omitted; or for an euill thing committed: and accordingly muſt the redreſſe or amendment be. A dutie formerly omitted muſt after the reproofe be more carefully obſerued and performed, if it be a continuall dutie, and may be againe performed: otherwiſe the redreſſe is a teſtification of true ſorrow for that fault. When an euill is committed, if any meanes can be vſed to make vp the hurt, and redreſſe the miſchiefe that followed thereupon, it muſt be done: if not, ſorrow as before, muſt be teſtified, and care taken that the ſame, or the like be not committed againe.

A reproof may be justly given either for a good duty omitted; or for an evil thing committed: and accordingly must the redress or amendment be. A duty formerly omitted must after the reproof be more carefully observed and performed, if it be a continual duty, and may be again performed: otherwise the redress is a testification of true sorrow for that fault. When an evil is committed, if any means can be used to make up the hurt, and redress the mischief that followed thereupon, it must be done: if not, sorrow as before, must be testified, and care taken that the same, or the like be not committed again.

As a good conſcience requireth as much of all Chriſtians by whomſoeuer they be reproued, ſo the reſpect which a wife p. 323 oweth to an husband doth after an eſpeciall manner require it. Otherwiſe her fault is doubled, 1. by continuance in her ſin;

As a good conscience requireth as much of all Christians by whomsoever they be reproved, so the respect which a wife oweth to an husband doth after an especial manner require it. Otherwise her fault is doubled, 1. By continuance in her sin;

2. by diſobedience to her husband.

↩ runs on

2. By disobedience to her husband.

Contrary is their ſpirit who for reproofe waxe the worſe:822 being like thoſe ſcorners (of whom Salomon ſpeaketh) that hate thoſe that reproue them. It is the ſpeech of ſome wiues, that if their husbands would let them alone they would doe the better: but vpon rebuke they will neuer amend: the more their husbands finde fault, the more will they goe on, in doing what they doe. What other iudgement can be giuen of ſuch, then that which the wiſe man giueth, there is more hope823 of a foole then of them.

  1. 822. Contrary, to be worſe for reprouing. Prou. 9. 8.
  2. 823. Prou. 26. 12.

Contrary is their spirit who for reproof wax the worse:822 being like those scorners (of whom Solomon speaketh) that hate those that reprove them. It is the speech of some wives, that if their husbands would let them alone they would do the better: but upon rebuke they will never amend: the more their husbands find fault, the more will they go on, in doing what they do. What other judgment can be given of such, then that which the wise man giveth, there is more hope823 of a fool then of them. Of submission hitherto.

  1. 822. Contrary, to be worse for reproving. Prov‸ 9:‸8.
  2. 823. Prov‸ 26:‸12.

§. 49. Of a wiues824 contentment with her husbands preſent eſtate. Of ſubmiſſion hitherto.

§. 49. Of a wives contentment with her husbands present estate.* ‸

Contentment is alſo a part of obedience: it hath reſpect to a mans outward eſtate and abilitie, in and with which a wife muſt reſt ſatisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or meane, wealthy or needy, aboue, equall, or vnder that eſtate wherein ſhe was before mariage: yea though a man haue beene ſometimes great in eſtate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a meane eſtate, ſhe ought to reſt content. Thus much Iob implieth in his replie to his wife, ſaying, ſhall we receiue825 good at the hand of God, and not receiue euill? The euill he ſpeaketh of was the loſſe of his goods, ſeruants, and children, together with other miſeries that Satan through Gods permiſſion inflicted vpon him: the receiuing of euill which he ſpeaketh of was a reſting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Euill may be laid on any, and ſo they forced to beare it: but they only receiue it, who are content with it. Now in that he vſeth the plurall number (WE) and ſpeaking to his wife ſaith (ſhall not we receiue euill) he ſheweth that his wife ought as well as he to haue reſt contented in that poore and miſerable eſtate: For

  1. 824. Treat. 4. §. 50 [moved in the edition]
  2. 825. Job 2. 10. expounded.

Contentment is also a part of obedience: it hath respect to a man’s outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or mean, wealthy or needy, above, equal, or under that estate wherein she was before marriage: yea though a man have been sometimes great in estate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a mean estate, she ought to rest content. Thus much Job implieth in his reply to his wife, saying, shall we receive825 good at the hand of God, and not receive evil? The evil he speaketh of was the loss of his goods, servants, and children, together with other miseries that Satan through God’s permission inflicted upon him: the receiving of evil which he speaketh of was a resting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Evil may be laid on any, and so they forced to bear it: but they only receive it, who are content with it. Now in that he useth the plural number (WE) and speaking to his wife saith (shall not we receive evil) he showeth that his wife ought as well as he to have rest contented in that poor and miserable estate: For

  1. 824. Treat. 4. §. 50. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 825. Job 2:‸10‸ expounded.

1. Man and wife being one fleſh, by vertue of their matrimoniall vnion, both his aduancement, and alſo his abaſement is hers: as ſhe riſeth with him, ſo ſhe falleth with him. Wherefore as ſhe is willing to be aduanced with him, ſo ſhe muſt be content to be abaſed with him.

1. Man and wife being one flesh, by virtue of their matrimonial union, both his advancement, and also his abasement is hers: as she riseth with him, so she falleth with him. Wherefore as she is willing to be advanced with him, so she must be content to be abased with him.

2. If at the time of mariage her husband was of meaner eſtate p. 324 then ſhe, ſhe voluntarily put her ſelfe into that meane eſtate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer. And ſhall ſhe not be content with her own act? If after mariage his eſtate decay, and wax meaner then it was, ſhe is to be perſwaded that by God it was ſo ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon ſhe ought in her dutifull ſubmiſſion to Gods ouer-ruling prouidence to be patient and content: this Iob implieth vnder this phraſe, ſhall we not receiue euill at the hand of God? and vnder this, The Lord taketh away.

2. If at the time of marriage her husband was of meaner estate then she, she voluntarily put her self into that mean estate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worse, for richer for poorer. And shall she not be content with her own act? If after marriage his estate decay, and wax meaner then it was, she is to be persuaded that by God it was so ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon she ought in her dutiful submission to God’s over-ruling providence to be patient and content: this Job implieth under this phrase, shall we not receive evil at the hand of God? and under this, The Lord taketh away.

3. A wiues contentment is a great eaſe to her husband lying vnder a croſſe: and it maketh the burden ſeeme much lighter then otherwiſe it would, if at leaſt he be a kinde husband, and affected with his wiues paſſion, as he ought to be. For a louing husband in euery diſtreſſe is more perplexed for his wife, then for himſelfe.

3. A wives contentment is a great ease to her husband lying under a cross: and it maketh the burden seem much lighter then otherwise it would, if at least he be a kind husband, and affected with his wives passion, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife, then for himself.

§. 50. Of wiues diſcontent at their husbands eſtate.

§. 50. Of wives discontent at their husbands estate.

Contrary is the impatiencie, and diſcontent of wiues at826 the meanneſſe, and (as they thinke) baſeneſſe of their husbands eſtate: which is many waies manifeſted.

  1. 826. Diſcontent manifeſted.

Contrary is the impatiency, and discontent of wives at826 the meanness, and (as they think) baseness of their husbands estate: which is many ways manifested.

  1. 826. Discontent manifested.

1. Some when they are maried finding their husbands eſtate827 weaker then they imagined, repent their mariage, and ſticke not to tell their husbands, that if they had before knowne them to be no better men then they finde them to be, they ſhould haue beene no husbands for them. Wherein firſt they bewray their fooliſh indiſcretion by ſaying, when it is too late, if I had828 thought this; and withall they manifeſt their own raſhneſſe and vnaduiſedneſſe, in that they gaue their hands and plighted their troth to thoſe whom they knew not. If they ſay, they were deceiued by their friends whom they put in truſt, I anſwer that mariage is too weightie a matter to be wholly referred ouer to the truſt of friends: euery one that yeeldeth to be maried, ought wel to know the party vnto whom in this caſe they yeeld: and aboue all they ought to ſeeke direction, helpe, and bleſſing from God. If notwithſtanding all the meanes which poſſibly they could vſe, they be deceiued, they are to looke vnto God, and to behold his prouidence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord haue croſſed their deſire for their p. 325 humiliation, or for triall of their patience, wiſdome and other like graces, or elſe to weine them from ſome vaine and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.

  1. 827. 1. By repenting their mariage.
  2. 828. Non eſt ſapientis dicere non putâram. Cic. Offic. lib. 1.

1. Some when they are married finding their husbands estate827 weaker then they imagined, repent their marriage, and stick not to tell their husbands, that if they had before known them to be no better men then they find them to be, they should have been no husbands for them. Wherein first they bewray their foolish indiscretion by saying, when it is too late, if I had828 thought this; and withal they manifest their own rashness and unadvisedness, in that they gave their hands and plighted their troth to those whom they knew not. If they say, they were deceived by their friends whom they put in trust, I answer that marriage is too weighty a matter to be wholly referred over to the trust of friends: every one that yieldeth to be married, ought well to know the party unto whom in this case they yield: and above all they ought to seek direction, help, and blessing from God. If notwithstanding all the means which possibly they could use, they be deceived, they are to look unto God, and to behold his providence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord have crossed their desire for their humiliation, or for trial of their patience, wisdom and other like graces, or else to wean them from some vain and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.

  1. 827. 1. By repenting their marriage.
  2. 828. Non est sapientis dicere non putâram. Cic. Offic. lib. 1.

2. Others obſeruing their husbands eſtate to be decaied829 and waſted, neuer ſearch after the occaſion, but lay all the blame vpon their husbands, and with their diſcontented lookes, paſſionate words, and impatient cariage, ſo vex their hearts, as they make the croſſe much more heauy then otherwiſe it could be. Though the eſtate ſhould be ouerthrowne by the vnthriftineſſe of an husband, yet ought a wife to looke vnto Gods prouidence therein, as was noted before.

  1. 829. 2. By impatient cariage.

2. Others observing their husbands estate to be decayed829 and wasted, never search after the occasion, but lay all the blame upon their husbands, and with their discontented looks, passionate words, and impatient carriage, so vex their hearts, as they make the cross much more heavy then otherwise it could be. Though the estate should be overthrown by the unthriftiness of an husband, yet ought a wife to look unto God’s providence therein, as was noted before.

  1. 829. 2. By impatient carriage.

3. Others ſcorning to ſtoope, and to come downe to their830 husbands preſent condition, through their pride and vaineglory are a great means to make his eſtate much the worſe: for they, ſo long as by any meanes they can get it, will not abate any thing of their braue apparell, dainty cheere, rich furniture, and other like things, which are cauſes of great expence to their husbands: hereby alſo it commeth oft to paſſe that huſbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and ſo greater taxations and charges then they can beare are laid vpon them for King, Countrey, Church, Poore, and the like.

  1. 830. 3. By refuſing to ſtoope.

3. Others scorning to stoop, and to come down to their830 husbands present condition, through their pride and vainglory are a great means to make his estate much the worse: for they, so long as by any means they can get it, will not abate any thing of their brave apparel, dainty cheer, rich furniture, and other like things, which are causes of great expense to their husbands: hereby also it cometh oft to pass that husbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and so greater taxations and charges then they can bear are laid upon them for King, Country, Church, Poor, and the like.

  1. 830. 3. By refusing to stoop.

4. Others, through diſcontent lie long lazing in their beds,831 or idly ſit ſtill when they are vp, and will not take any whit the more paines to raiſe vp and increaſe their husbands eſtate: whereby God is prouoked more and more to weaken their eſtates, that ſo he may the more puniſh ſuch pride and lazineſſe in wiues.

  1. 831. 4. By refuſing to helpe.

4. Others, through discontent lie long lazing in their beds,831 or idly sit still when they are up, and will not take any whit the more pains to raise up and increase their husbands estate: whereby God is provoked more and more to weaken their estates, that so he may the more punish such pride and laziness in wives.

  1. 831. 4. By refusing to help.