A Husband’s Affectionate Authority over His Wife

EPHES. 5. 25, &c. Husbands loue your owne wiues, euen as Chriſt alſo loued the Church, &c.

AS the wife is to know her dutie, ſo the huſband⁹²² much more his, becauſe he is to be a guide, and good example to his wife, he is to dwell with her according to knowledge, (1 Pet. 3. 7.) the more eminent his place is, the more knowledge he ought to haue how to walke worthy thereof. Neglect of dutie in him is more diſhonourable vnto God, becauſe by vertue of his place he is⁹²³ the Imag eand glory of God, and more pernicious not to his wife only, but alſo to the whole family, becauſe of that power and authority he hath, which he may abuſe to the maintenance of his wickedneſſe, hauing in the houſe no ſuperiour power to reſtraine his fury: whereas the wife, though neuer ſo wicked, may by the power of her husband be kept vnder, and reſtrained from outrage.

1. 922. Husbands bound to dutie. Propterea debent mulieribus ſuis ad virtutis exemplum ſe praebere, quia viri ſunt. Aug. de adult. Coniug. l. 2. c. 8.
2. 923. 1 Cor. 11. 7. [moved in the edition]

Wherefore to goe on in order, in laying downe the husbands⁹²⁴ duties (as we haue the wiues) we are to conſider,

• 1. The Duties themſelues.
• 2. The reaſons to inforce them.

1. 924. Husbands particular duties.

In ſetting downe the duties we muſt note

• 1. The matter wherein they conſiſt.
• p. 350 2. The manner how they are to be performed.

The Apoſtle compriſeth the whole matter of them all vnder Loue, which is the ſumme and head of all.

This we will firſt handle: and then proceed to other particulars.

This head of all the reſt, Loue, is expreſly ſet downe, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is euident, that all other duties are compriſed vnder it.

1. 925. Treat. 3. §. 2. 1. Husbands muſt loue their wiues. [moved in the edition]

To omit other places, where this dutie is vrged in⁹²⁶ this place, Loue is foure times by name expreſſed, beſide that it is intimated vnder many other termes and phraſes.

1. 926. Eph. 5. 25, 28, 33.

Whoſoeuer therefore taketh a wife, muſt, in this reſpect that ſhe is his wife, loue her: as it is noted of Iſaak (the beſt patterne of husbands noted in the Scripture)⁹²⁷ he tooke Rebekah, ſhe was his wife ana he loued her.

1. 927. Gen. 24. 67. [moved in the edition]

Many good reaſons hereof may be rendred.⁹²⁸

1. 928. No dutie well performed without loue.

1. Becauſe no dutie on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be ſeaſoned with loue. The Apoſtle exhorteth all Chriſtians to doe all their things in loue: much more⁹²⁹ ought husbands: though in place they be aboue their wiues, yet loue may not be forgotten.

1. 929. 1 Cor. 16. 14. [moved in the edition]

2. Becauſe of all perſons on earth a wife is the moſt proper⁹³⁰ obiect of loue: nor friend, nor childe, nor parent ought ſo to be loued as a wife: ſhe is termed, the wife of his boſome, to ſhew that ſhe ought to be as his heart in his boſome.

1. 930. 2. A wife the moſt proper obiect of loue. Deut. 13. 6.

3. Becauſe his place of eminency, and power of authority⁹³¹ may ſoone puffe him vp, and make him inſult ouer his wife, and trample her vnder his feet, if a intire loue of her be not planted in his heart. To keepe him from abuſing his authority is loue ſo much preſſed vpon him.

1. 931. 3. Loue keepes a man from abuſing his authority.

4. Becauſe wiues through the weakneſſe of their ſex (for⁹³² they are the weaker veſſels) are much prone to prouoke their husbands. So as if there be not loue predominant in the huſband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. Loue couereth a multitude of imperfections.

1. 932. 4. Loue maketh him beare with her infirmities. 5. His loue draweth loue from her.

5. Becauſe as Chriſt by his loue firſt manifeſted prouoketh p. 351 the Church to loue him, ſo an husband by louing his wife ſhould prouoke her to loue him againe: ſhewing himſelfe like the Sunne which is the fountaine of light, and from which the Moone receiueth what light ſhe hath: ſo he ſhould be the fountaine of loue to his wife.

Obiect. Loue was before laid downe as a common dutie appertaining both to man and wife: how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar dutie of an husband?

Anſw. In regard of the generall extent of loue it is indeed a common dutie belonging to the one as well as to the other, yea⁹³³ belonging to all Chriſtians, to all men: for it is the very nature of loue, and an eſpeciall property thereof, to ſeeke not her owne things, but the good of others, which all are bound to doe by vertue of the bond of nature; more then others, Chriſtians by vertue of the bond of the ſpirit: among Chriſtians, eſpecially wiues and husbands by vertue of the matrimoniall bond: of maried couples, moſt of all husbands by vertue of their place and charge. Their place is a place of authoritie, which without loue will ſoone turne into tyrannie. Their charge is eſpecially and aboue all, to ſeeke the good of their wiues: as wiues are the chiefeſt, and greateſt charge of husbands, ſo their chiefeſt and greateſt care muſt be for them: the parents and friends of wiues as they giue ouer all their authority to their husbands, ſo they caſt all care vpon them: wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wiues, and the better ſeeke their good, they ought after a peculiar manner to loue them. Husbands are moſt of all bound to loue: and bound to loue their wiues moſt of all.

1. 933. How loue is an husbands particular dutie. 1 Cor. 13. 5.

Thus this affection of loue is a diſtinct dutie in it ſelfe, peculiarly⁹³⁴ appertaining to an husband: and alſo a common condition which muſt be annexed to euery other dutie of an huſband, to ſeaſon and ſweeten the ſame. His looke, his ſpeech, his carriage, and all his actions, wherein he hath to doe with his wife, muſt be ſeaſoned with loue: loue muſt ſhew it ſelfe in his commandements, in his reproofes, in his inſtructions, in his admonitions, in his authoritie, in his familiaritie, when they are alone together, when they are in company before others, in ciuill affaires, in religious matters, at all times, in all p. 352 things: as ſalt muſt be firſt and laſt vpon the table, and eaten with euery bit of meate, ſo muſt loue be firſt in an husbands heart, and laſt out of it, and mixed with euery thing wherein he hath to doe with his wife.

1. 934. Loue a common condition to be annexed to euerie dutie.

Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is⁹³⁵ very odious and deteſtable in it ſelfe, ſo much more when the wife is made the obiect thereof. As loue prouoketh an huſband to doe his wife what good he can, ſo hatred, to doe her what miſchiefe he can. Moſes noteth a mans hatred of his⁹³⁶ wife to be a cauſe of much miſchiefe: for the neerer, and dearer any perſons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is faſtened on them.

1. 935. Contrary, 1. Hatred.
2. 936. Deut. 22. 13, &c.

Hence was it that a diuorce was ſuffered to be made betwixt⁹³⁷ a man and his wife, in caſe he hated her: which law queſtionleſſe was made for releefe of the wife, leſt the hatred which her husband conceiued againſt her ſhould worke her ſome miſchiefe, if he were forced to keepe her as his wife: which Chriſt ſeemeth to imply in theſe words, Moſes, becauſe of the⁹³⁸ hardneſſe of your hearts, ſuffered you to put away your wines. This therefore being ſo peſtilent a poiſon, let husbands take heed how they ſuffer it to ſoake into them.

1. 937. Deut. 24. 3.
2. 938. Mat. 19. 8.

Neither is it ſufficient for an husband not to hate his wife,⁹³⁹ for euen the want of loue, though it be only a priuation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary alſo to the forenamed dutie of loue. Where this want of loue is, there can be no duty wel performed, euen as when the great wheele of a clocke, the firſt mouer of all the reſt, is out of frame, neuer a wheele can be in good order. They that thinke lightly hereof, plainly diſcouer that there is little or no loue of God in them at all: for if the Apoſtles inference be good, taken from a mans neighbour or brother whom⁹⁴⁰ he hath ſeene, it will much more be good hauing relation to a wife: for how can he who loueth not his wife, (whom God hath giuen to him as a token of his fauour, and as an helpe meet for him, to be in his boſome, and euer in his ſight, yea to be no more two, but one fleſh) loue God whom he hath not ſeene? If any man ſaith, he loueth God, and hate his wife, he is a lier. Let p. 353 husbands therefore by louing their wiues giue euidence that they loue God.

1. 939. 2. Want of loue.
2. 940. 1 Ioh. 4. 20.

All the branches which grow out of this root of loue, as they haue reſpect to husbands duties, may be drawne to two heads:

• 1. A wiſe maintaining of his authoritie.
• 2. A right managing of the ſame.

1. 941. Treat. 3. §. 9. Branches of loue. [moved in the edition]

That theſe two are branches of an husbands loue, is euident by the place wherein God hath ſet him, which is a place of authoritie; for the beſt good that any can doe, and ſo the beſt fruits of loue which he can ſhew forth to any, are ſuch as are done in his owne proper place, and by vertue thereof. If then an husband relinquiſh his authoritie, he diſableth himſelfe from doing that good, and ſhewing thoſe fruits of loue which otherwiſe he might. If he abuſe his authoritie, he turneth the edge and point of his ſword amiſſe: in ſtead of holding it ouer his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her deſtruction, and ſo manifeſteth thereby more hatred then loue.

Now then to handle theſe two ſeuerally, and diſtinctly:

I. That an husband ought wiſely to maintaine his authoritie,⁹⁴² is implied vnder this Apoſtolicall precept, Husbands dwell with your wiues according to knowledge, that is, as ſuch as are well able to maintaine the honour of that place wherein God⁹⁴³ hath ſet you: not as ſots and fooles without vnderſtanding. The ſame is alſo implied vnder the titles of preheminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, Maſter,⁹⁴⁴ head, guide, image and glory of God, &c.

1. 942. II. Husbands muſt maintaine their authoritie.
2. 943. 1 Pet. 3. 7. κατὰ γνῶσιν.
3. 944. See Treat. 3. §. 3. Reaſons.

The honour and authoritie of God, and of his Sonne Chriſt⁹⁴⁵ Ieſus, is maintained in and by the honour and authoritie of an husband, as the Kings authoritie is maintained by the authoritie of his Priuy Councell and other Magiſtrates vnder him; yea, as an husbands authoritie is in the family maintained by the authoritie of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, ſo⁹⁴⁶ the woman is the glory of the man.)

1. 945. 1. Gods authoritie maintained by the husbands.
2. 946. 1 Cor. 11. 7.

The good of the wife her ſelfe is thus alſo much promoted,⁹⁴⁷ euen as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads p. 354 abiding in his place; ſhould the head be put vnder any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receiue much dammage thereby: euen ſo the wife and whole family would feele the dammage of the husbands loſſe of his authoritie.

1. 947. 2. The wiues good promoted thereby.

Anſw. Yea, in his more then in any others: for note the⁹⁴⁸ counſell of the Apoſtle to Timothie, (though in another caſe, yet very pertinent to this purpoſe) Let no man deſpiſe thy youth. It was therefore in Timothies power to maintaine his honour, and not to ſuffer it to be deſpiſed; and ſo is it in an husbands power.

1. 948. It is in the mans power to maintaine his authoritie. 1 Tim. 4. 12.

Anſw. That direction which the Apoſtle giueth to Timothie⁹⁴⁹ to maintaine his authoritie, may fitly be applied for this purpoſe vnto an husband; Be an enſample in conuerſation, in loue, in ſpirit, in faith, and in pureneſſe: as if he had ſaid, If thou walke before them worthy of thy place and calling, and worthy of that honour and reſpect which is due thereunto, ſhewing forth the fruits of loue, faith, and other like graces, aſſuredly they will reuerence thy youth; but if otherwiſe thou carrie thy ſelfe baſely, and not beſeeming a miniſter, thou giueſt them iuſt occaſion to deſpiſe thee. Euen thus may husbands beſt maintaine their authoritie by being an enſample in loue, grauitie, pietie, honeſty, &c. The fruits of theſe and other like graces ſhewed forth by husbands before their wiues and family, cannot but worke a reuerend and dutifull reſpect in their wiues and whole houſe towards them: for by this means they ſhall more cleerely diſcerne the image of God ſhine forth in their faces.

1. 949. How a mans authority may be well maintained. Ad viros pertinet virtute vincere, & exemplo regere foeminas. Aug. de Adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 8.

Obiect. Very goodneſſe and grace it ſelfe is hated of wicked and vngodly wiues: it was an act of pietie that made Michal deſpiſe Dauid.

Anſw. 1. Grant it to be ſo: yet this may be a good direction for ſuch husbands as haue not ſuch wicked wiues.

2. This doth not alwaies ſo fall our, no, nor yet for the moſt p. 355 part in thoſe that are wicked; true vertue and integritie doth oft cauſe admiration in ſuch as loue it not.

3. Though ſome be of ſo crooked and peruerſe a diſpoſition as to take occaſion of contempt, where none is giuen, yet ſhall that husband iuſtifie himſelfe before God and man, that carryeth himſelfe worthy of his place.

Contrary is their practiſe who by their profaneneſſe, riotouſneſſe,⁹⁵⁰ drunkenneſſe, lewdneſſe, lightneſſe, vnthriftineſſe, and other like baſe carriage, make themſelues contemptible, and ſo loſe their authoritie: though a wife ought not to take theſe occaſions to deſpiſe her husband, yet is it a iuſt iudgement on him to be deſpiſed, ſeeing he maketh himſelfe contemptible.

1. 950. Contrary, 1. baſe carriage

Contrary alſo to the forenamed directions is the ſterne,⁹⁵¹ rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny goe about to maintaine their authority. Force may indeed cauſe feare, but a ſlauiſh feate, ſuch a feare as breedeth more hatred then loue, more inward contempt, then outward reſpect.

1. 951. 2. Cruell dealing.

And contrary is their ſeruile diſpoſition, who againſt their⁹⁵² owne iudgement yeeld to the bent of their wiues minde in ſuch things as are vnlawfull: they will loſe their authority rather then giue diſcontent to their wiues: which is a fault expreſly forbidden by the⁹⁵³ law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked⁹⁵⁴ Ahab, but alſo wiſe Salomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grieuous a fall this was in Salomon, the fearefull iſſue thereof ſheweth. Like to him not in wiſdome, but in this point of egregious folly, are ſuch as vpon their wiues⁹⁵⁵ inſtigation, ſuffer Prieſts and Ieſuites, to lurke and celebrate Maſſes in their houſes, and yeeld to be preſent thereat themſelues. Like to Ahab are ſuch Magiſtrates as ſuffer their wiues to ouerſway them in courſe of Iuſtice: hence it commeth to paſſe that more petitions and ſuites are made to the wiues of Magiſtrates in the caſes of Iuſtice then to the Magiſtrates themſelues: and the fauour of their wiues is more eſteemed then their owne: ſo as the power of gouerning, and the maine ſtroke in determining matters, is from their wiues; they are but p. 356 the mouthes and inſtrument of their wiues, in ſo much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is giuen to their wiues. Some husbands ſuffer this by reaſon of their fearefull, and fooliſh diſpoſition, wanting courage and wiſdome to maintaine the honour of their places againſt the inſolency of their wiues: others vpon a ſubtil, couetous, wicked minde, that by the meanes of their wiues there may be more freedome for receiuing bribes. Among theſe I may reckon thoſe who againſt their owne minde, to ſatisfie their wiues minde, ſuffer both wiues and children to follow the faſhion, to attire themſelues vnbeſeeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and alſo thoſe who vpon their wiues importunitie are moued (as Sampſon was) to reueale ſuch ſecrets⁹⁵⁶ as are not meet to be knowne. Husbands may hearken to their wiues mouing good things, but they may not obey them in euill things: if they doe, their fault is double: 1. in doing euill: 2. in loſing their authoritie.

1. 952. 3. Yeelding in vnlawfull things.
2. 953. Dent. 13. 6, 7.
3. 954. 1 King. 21. 7, 9. [moved in the edition]
4. 955. 1 King. 11. 4. [moved in the edition]
5. 956. Maximè obſeruate vos atꝗ attendite anim bus veſtris ô viri ab vxoris concitationibus atque malis inſtigationibus, per hanc enim in vltimo ſupplantare Job viſus eſt diabolus, &c. per iſtas etiam nunc plurimos ſubuertit. Orig. in Ioh. lib. 2.

Let husbands therefore be very watchfull againſt their wiues euill inſtigations. Satan laboured to ſupplant Iob by his wife: and by this doth he ſubuert many in theſe daies.

As authority muſt be well maintained, ſo muſt it be well managed: for which purpoſe two things are needfull:

• 1. That an husband tenderly reſpect his wife.
• 2. That prouidently he care for her.

1. 957. Treat 3. §. 3. How a mans authority may be well managed. [moved in the edition]

An husbands tender reſpect of his wife is Inward.

Outward.

Inward in regard of his Opinion of her.

Affection to her.

Outward in regard of his cariage towards her.

For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed, Her place,

Her perſon.

1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and ſubiection, yet the neereſt to equality that may be: a place of common⁹⁵⁸ equity in many reſpects, wherein man and wife are after a ſort euen fellowes, and partners: Hence then it followeth that

1. 958. Husbands muſt account their wiues yoke-fellowes. 1 Pet. 3. 7.

The husband muſt account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giuing honour to the wife: and it is implied p. 357 vnder that phraſe wherby the end of making a wife is noted,⁹⁵⁹ which in our Engliſh is tranſlated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himſelfe, one in whom he might⁹⁶⁰ ſee himſelfe, or euen (to vſe our Apoſtles word) himſelfe. Theſe phraſes imply a kinde of fellowſhip: as alſo the many prerogatiues that are common to both, which haue beene noted⁹⁶¹ before.

1. 959. Gen. 2. 18. כנגדו
2. 960. Eph. 5. 28. ἑαυτόν.
3. 961. Treat. 3. §. 4.

As a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority is the ground-worke of all her duties, ſo an husbands acknowledgement of that fellowſhip which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himſelfe much more amiably, familiarly, louingly, and euery way as beſeemeth a good husband towards her.

Anſw. They are of very meane capacity that cannot ſee how theſe may ſtand together. Is there not a fellowſhip betwixt ſuperiour and inferiour magiſtrates in relation to their ſubiects? yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowſhip betwixt Chriſt the head and other Saints in relation to the glory⁹⁶² whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth vs ioynt heires with Chriſt:) and in relation to Gods people a fellowſhip betwixt God and his miniſters (for it termeth them labourers together⁹⁶³ with God) yet none can denie the Saints, and miniſters to be inferiour and in ſubiection to Chriſt, and God. But diſtinctly to anſwer the obiection.

1. 962. Rom. 8. 17. συγκληρονόμοι Χριστοῦ.
2. 963. 1 Cor. 3. 9. Θεοῦ συνεργοί.

1. There may not only be a fellowſhip, but alſo an equality in ſome things betwixt thoſe that in other things are one of them inferiour and ſubiect: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one another bodies: for the wife (as well as the huſband)⁹⁶⁴ is therein both a ſeruant, and a miſtreſſe, a ſeruant to yeeld her body, a miſtreſſe to haue the power of his.

1. 964. Vxor & ſerua & domina eſt viri, Chryſoſt. in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.

2. There may be fellowſhip in the very ſame things wherein is inferiority: for fellowſhip hath reſpect to the thing it ſelfe, inferiority to the meaſure, and manner: as in giuing light the Sunne and Moone haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure and p. 358 manner the Moone is inferiour: the Moone hath not ſo much light as the Sunne, and that which it hath it hath from the Sunne: and as in gouerning, the king and other magiſtrates haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure, and manner of gouernment they are inferiour to him: Euen ſo is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowſhip, the wife is notwithſtanding inferiour: ſo as inferiority may ſtand with fellowſhip.

3. There are no vnequals betwixt which there is ſo neere a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowſhip betwixt any that are ſuperiour, and inferiour one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.

⁹⁶⁵ As the ſoule therefore ruleth ouer the body, by a mutuall and louing conſent and agreement, ſo muſt a man ouer his wife.

1. 965. Debet in vxorem vir dominari, vt animus in corpus, cōſentiens ei, & conſpirans beneuolentia. Plut. praec. connub. [moved in the edition]

Contrary is the conceit of many who thinke there is no⁹⁶⁶ difference betwixt a wife and ſeruant but in familiarity: and that wiues were made to be ſeruants to their husbands, becauſe ſubiection, feare and obedience are required of them: whence it commeth to paſſe that wiues are oft vſed little better then ſeruants. A conceit and practiſe ſauouring too much of heatheniſh, and ſottiſh arrogancy. Did God at firſt take the wife out of mans ſide, that man ſhould tread her vnder his feet? or rather that he ſhould ſet her at his ſide next to him aboue all children, ſeruants, or any other in the family, how neere, or deare vnto him ſoeuer? for none can be neerer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.

1. 966. Non es dominus ſed maritus: non ancillam ſortitus es, ſed vxorem: gubernatorem te Deus voluit eſſe ſexus inferioris, non praepotentem. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.

2. For the perſon of a wife, An husband ought to eſteeme that particular perſon to whom by Gods prouidence he is ioyned in mariage, to be the fitteſt, and beſt for him. This is implied vnder that particle of reſtraint (OWNE) noted by the Apoſtle where he ſaith⁹⁶⁸ husbands loue your OWNE wiues, and againe preſſeth it vnder a compariſon of the body (as⁹⁶⁹ your OWNE bodies) Euery one thinketh his owne body beſt and fitteſt for him. A man might happily wiſh ſome defects or enormities in his owne body to be amended, and deſire that his were like an p. 359 others, more ſtrait, ſtrong, and comely then his owne, yet would he not haue his head to be vpon that other mans body: the ſame opinion ought a man (that would loue his wife) to haue of her.

1. 967. Treat 3. §. 5. IIII. Huſbands muſt account their owne wiues beſt for them. [moved in the edition]
2. 968. Eph. 5. 25. [moved in the edition]
3. 969. Veſ. 28. [moved in the edition]

Good reaſon there is for him ſo to doe: for true is the prouerbe,⁹⁷⁰ if it be rightly taken, mariages are firſt made in heauen, that is, God hath an ouer-ruling hand in ordering them: which⁹⁷¹ Salomon implieth by that oppoſition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which reſpect he ſaith,⁹⁷² he which findeth a wife receiueth fauour of the Lord. If therefore thou art loued of God, and loueſt him, he will make thy wife proue a good thing to thee.

1. 970. Reaſon. Euery ones wife is prouided by God.
2. 971. Pro. 19. 14. [moved in the edition]
3. 972. & 18. 22. [moved in the edition]

Anſw. 1. It may be ſhe was good enough when firſt ſhe was brought to thee, but thou by thine euill example, or negligent gouernment, or hard vſage, haſt made her ſo bad as ſhe is. Which if it be ſo, then is ſhe to be conſidered not as thou haſt marr’d her, but as thou diddeſt marie her.

2. Though ſhe be not in relation to other wiues the beſt in condition, yet in relation to thee ſhe may be the beſt in euent: if not for thine eaſe and quiet, yet for triall of thy wiſdome and patience: and ſo as⁹⁷³ a ſchoole of vertue ſhe may be vnto thee. As⁹⁷⁴ a skilfull pilots ſufficiency is tried and knowne by tempeſtuous ſeas, ſo a mans wiſdome by a troubleſome wife. Yea ſhe may be giuen thee as a puniſhment of ſome former ſinnes, as ſeeking after a beautifull, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honeſt one: or ſeeking her without any direction or helpe firſt ſought of God, or otherwiſe then thou haſt warrant from God, as by ſtealth, and without parents conſent; or ſome other ſinnes in another kinde, to bring thee to repentance: or as a meanes to reſtraine and weane thee from ſome future ſinnes whereunto thou are ſubiect, and ſo proue a bleſſed croſſe to keepe thee from a fearefull curſe.

1. 973. Socrates interrogatus qua gratia vxoris mores toleraret, reſpondit, vt gymnaſium & palaeſtram philoſophiae domi habeam. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.
2. 974. Ars tua Tiphy iacet ſi non ſit in aequore fluctus Ouid. de Triſt. l. 4. eleg. 3.

Contrary is a corrupt and peruerſe opinion which many haue of their owne wiues, thinking them of all other the worſt p. 360 and vnfitteſt; yea though they be ſuch as euery way both in gifts and qualities of minde, and alſo in grace and comelineſſe of body deſerue all good reſpect and eſteeme. Whereas others (which looke with a ſingle eye) commend their good parts, they Miſinterpret and miſiudge all: if their wiues be religious, they thinke them hypocrites: if graue, ſober and modeſt, melancholicke: if cheerefull, wanton: if they keepe at home, idle drones: if they take occaſion (though neuer ſo iuſt) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wiues is a cauſe that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne, and ſet vpon ſtrange fleſh: whereby the deuill gaineth what he deſireth, that is, to put aſunder ſuch as God hath ioyned together, and to ioyne thoſe whom God hath put aſunder.

An husbands affection to his wife muſt be anſwerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife intirely, that is, ſo to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this reſpect the Prophets wife is called the⁹⁷⁶ deſire, or delight, or pleaſure of his eyes: that wherein he moſt of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety ſo called.

1. 975. Treat. 3. §. 7. V. Husbands muſt intirely delight in their wiues. [moved in the edition]
2. 976. Ezec. 24. 16. מחמד עיניך

Such delight did Iſaak take in his wife as it droue out a contrary ſtrong paſſion, namely the griefe which he tooke for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that he⁹⁷⁷ loued her, and was comforted after his mothers death.

1. 977. Gen. 24. 67. [moved in the edition]

This kinde of affection the wiſe-man doth elegantly ſet forth in theſe words, Reioyce with the wife of thy youth: Let her⁹⁷⁸ be as the louing Hinde, and pleaſant Roe, and be thou rauiſht alwaies with her loue. Here note both the metaphors, and alſo the hyperbole which are vſed to ſet forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors againe note both the creatures whereunto a wife is reſembled, and alſo the attributes giuen to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Bucke: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Bucke, that of all other beaſts they are moſt inamored (as I may ſo ſpeake) with their mates, and euen mad againe in their heat and deſire after them.

1. 978. Pro. 5. 18, 19. expounded.

Theſe metaphors hath Salomon vſed to ſet forth that vnfained p. 361 and earneſt, intire and ardent affection which an husband ought to beare vnto his wife: which being taken in a good ſenſe, and rightly applied, ſo as they exceed not the bonds of chriſtian modeſty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpoſe: if we ſtretch them beyond modeſty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghoſt that directed him, and propound a pernicious patterne vnto husbands.

The attributes giuen to the forenamed creatures much amplifie the point: the former is termed a louing Hind, the latter⁹⁷⁹ a pleaſant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loues, a Roe of fauour, that is, exceedingly loued and fauoured: (for to ſet forth the extent of Gods loue vnto his Sonne, Chriſt is called the ſonne of his loue:)

1. 979. אילת אהבים יעלת חן Col. 1. 13. υἱὸς τῆς ἀγάπης αὐτοῦ.

Theſe compariſons applied to a wife, doe liuely ſet forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole vſed in this phraſe, be thou rauiſht with her loue, word for word erre thou in her loue,⁹⁸⁰ by which no ſinfull error, or dotage is meant, but a lawfull earneſt affection: implying two things eſpecially: Firſt ſo far to exceed, as to make a man ouerſee ſome ſuch blemiſhes in his wife, as others would ſoone eſpie and miſlike: or elſe to count them no blemiſhes, delighting in her neuer a whit the leſſe for them. For example, if a man haue a wife, not very beautifull, or proper, but hauing ſome deformity in her body, ſome imperfection in her ſpeech, ſight, geſture, or any part of her body, yet ſo to affect her, and delight in her, as if ſhe were the faireſt, and euery way moſt compleat woman in the world. Secondly, ſo highly to eſteeme, ſo ardently to affect, ſo tenderly to reſpect her, as others may thinke him euen to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honeſty, ſobriety and comelineſſe. The wiues affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet becauſe of the husbands place of authority, he muſt eſpecially take all occaſions to manifeſt this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you ſhall obſerue ſuch affection manifeſted by Chriſt to his Spouſe, as would make one thinke he did (with reuerence in an holy manner to vſe the phraſe) euen erre in his loue and doat on her. A good patterne and p. 362 preſident for husbands. For nothing is more louely them a⁹⁸¹ good wife.

1. 980. תשׁגה
2. 981. Nihil viro vxore bona amabilius. Hier. in Ezec. 24.

Contrary is the diſpoſition of ſuch husbands as haue no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoick-like delight no more in their owne wiues then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A diſpoſition no way warranted by the word. The faithfull Saints of God before mentioned, as alſo many other like to them, were no Stoicks, without all affection: nor did they thinke it a matter vnbeſeeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wiues (witneſſe Iſaacks ſporting with his wife) for this is a priuiledge which appertaineth⁹⁸² to the eſtate of mariage. But that I be not miſtaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I ſpeake is not a carnall, ſenſuall, beaſtly affection, but ſuch an one as may ſtand with Chriſtian grauitie and ſo briety: hauing relation to the ſoule of a mans wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the neere coniunction of mariage, and alſo on the inward qualities of his wife.

1. 982. Gen. 26. 8. [moved in the edition]

Thus farre of an husbands inward reſpect of his wife. It followeth to ſpeake of his outward cariage towards her.