Of Domestical Duties · Volume II

Then & Now · Volume II · 14 of 18

A Husband’s Humble Gentleness to His Wife

A Husband’s Humble Gentleness to His Wife

§. 13. Of an husbands983 kinde acceptance of ſuch things as his wife doth.

§. 13. Of an husbands kind acceptance of such things as his wife doth.*

S. Peter giueth a generall rule for an husbands outward cariage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his cariage wiſely to his owne honour and his wiues good, that ſo ſhe may haue iuſt cauſe to bleſſe God that euer ſhe was ioyned to ſuch an huſband.

  1. 983. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved in the edition]

S. Peter giveth a general rule for an husbands outward carriage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his carriage wisely to his own honour and his wives good, that so she may have just cause to bless God that ever she was joined to such an husband.

  1. 983. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved here by the editor]

Out of this generall theſe two branches ſprout forth.

  • 1. That an husband giue no iuſt offence to his wife.
  • 2. That wiſely he order that offence which is giuen by her.

Out of this general these two branches sprout forth.

  1. That an husband give no just offence to his wife.
  2. That wisely he order that offence which is given by her.

To auoid giuing of offence he muſt haue reſpect,

  • 1. To that which ſhe doth as duty to him.
  • 2. To that which he doth as duty to her.

To avoid giving of offence he must have respect,

  1. To that which she doth as duty to him.
  2. To that which he doth as duty to her.

In regard of the former two things are requiſite:

  • p. 363 1. That he kindly accept what ſhe is willing and able to doe.
  • 2. That he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe doth well.

In regard of the former two things are requisite:

  1. That he kindly accept what she is willing and able to do.
  2. That he wisely commend and reward what she doth well.

Thus hauing for orders ſake laid downe theſe heads, I will diſtinctly handle the ſeuerall points.

Thus having for orders sake laid down these heads, I will distinctly handle the several points.

The firſt particular wherein an husband ſheweth himſelfe984 to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kinde and reſpectiue acceptation of euery good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in teſtimony of his good acceptance of Sarahs pains in nurſing her childe, made a great feaſt when the childe was weined: and Elkanah on a like reſpect gaue liberty985 to his wife to doe what ſeemed her beſt.

  1. 984. VI. Husbands muſt kindly accept euery good duty of his wife. Gen. 21. 8.
  2. 985. 1 Sam. 1. 23.

The first particular wherein an husband showeth himself984 to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kind and respective acceptation of every good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in testimony of his good acceptance of Sarah’s pains in nursing her child, made a great feast when the child was weaned: and Elkanah on a like respect gave liberty985 to his wife to do what seemed her best.

  1. 984. VI. Husbands must kindly accept every good duty of his wife. Gen‸ 21:‸8.
  2. 985. 1 Sam‸ 1:‸23.

A great incouragement muſt this needs be vnto wiues to be ſubiect vnto their husbands in all things, when they obſerue no part of their ſubiection to be careleſly neglected, but rather graciouſly accepted: it quickens the ſpirit of a wife to thinke that her care and pains in pleaſing her husband ſhall not be in vaine.

A great encouragement must this needs be unto wives to be subject unto their husbands in all things, when they observe no part of their subjection to be carelessly neglected, but rather graciously accepted: it quickens the spirit of a wife to think that her care and pains in pleasing her husband shall not be in vain.

§. 14. Of husbands ſleighting and reiecting their wiues goodneſſe.

§. 14. Of husbands slighting and rejecting their wives goodness.

Contrary is their practiſe who thinking all which a wife986 doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and ſleightly paſſe it ouer. This oftentimes maketh a wife euen repent the good ſhe hath done, as Dauid repented the ſeruice987 which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wiues ought rather to looke vnto God for his acceptation then vnto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they doe, yet for conſcience ſake, and for the Lords ſake to doe their duty: But yet notwithſtanding conſidering our weakneſſe and backwardneſſe vnto euery duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands ſleight regarding of his wiues goodneſſe is an occaſion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.

  1. 986. Contrary, 1. To take no notice of their wiues goodneſſe.
  2. 987. 2. Sleightly to paſſe it ouer. 1 Sam. 25. 21.

Contrary is their practise who thinking all which a wife986 doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and slightly pass it over. This oftentimes maketh a wife even repent the good she hath done, as David repented the service987 which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wives ought rather to look unto God for his acceptation then unto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they do, yet for conscience sake, and for the Lord’s sake to do their duty: But yet notwithstanding considering our weakness and backwardness unto every duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands slight regarding of his wives goodness is an occasion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.

  1. 986. Contrary, 1. To take no notice of their wives goodness.
  2. 987. 2. Slightly to pass it over. 1 Sam‸ 25:‸21.

But what may we ſay of ſuch as ſcornfully reiect their wiues988 duty, yea like them the worſe for making conſcience thereof, p. 364 and ſo (cleane contrary to the rule of chriſtianitie) ouercome goodneſſe with euill? Surely they ſhew a very diabolicall ſpirit989 to be in them: and cannot but miniſter much griefe, and offence to their wiues, and make that which they doe to be very irkſome and tedious. Fathers ought not to prouoke their990 children, much leſſe husbands their wiues.

  1. 988. 3. Scornfully to reiect it.
  2. 989. Rom. 12. 21. [moved in the edition]
  3. 990. Epheſ. 6. 4.

But what may we say of such as scornfully reject their wives988 duty, yea like them the worse for making conscience thereof, and so (clean contrary to the rule of christianity) overcome goodness with evil?989 Surely they show a very diabolical spirit to be in them: and cannot but minister much grief, and offence to their wives, and make that which they do to be very irksome and tedious. Fathers ought not to provoke their990 children, much less husbands their wives.

  1. 988. 3. Scornfully to reject it.
  2. 989. Rom‸ 12:‸21. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 990. Eph 6:‸4.

§. 15. Of husbands991 courteous accepting their wiues reuerend cariage.

§. 15. Of husbands courteous accepting their wives reverend carriage.*

For the better conceiuing of this ſo needfull a point I will992 ſomewhat more particularly and diſtinctly applie the ſame to the ſeuerall duties of a wife: which were drawne to two heads

  1. 991. Treat. 3. §. 11. 55. [moved in the edition]
  2. 992. How a mans good acceptance of his wiues duty is manifeſted.

For the better conceiving of this so needful a point I will992 somewhat more particularly and distinctly apply the same to the several duties of a wife: which were drawn to two heads

  1. 991. Treat. 3. §. 11. 55. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 992. How a man’s good acceptance of his wives duty is manifested.

Reuerence.

Obedience.

Reverence.

Obedience.

For the firſt, if a wife manifeſt her dutifull reſpect of her993 husband by any reuerend behauiour, geſture, or ſpeech, he ought to meet her (as we ſay) in the middeſt of the way, and manifeſt his gratious acceptance thereof by ſome like courteous behauiour, geſture, and ſpeech, being ſeemely, not fooliſh.

  1. 993. 1. By anſwering reuerence with courteſie. Depone aſperitatem morum cum tibi ſedula vxor occurrit, &c. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.

For the first, if a wife manifest her dutiful respect of her993 husband by any reverend behaviour, gesture, or speech, he ought to meet her (as we say) in the midst of the way, and manifest his gracious acceptance thereof by some like courteous behaviour, gesture, and speech, being seemly, not foolish.

  1. 993. 1. By answering reverence with courtesy. Depone asperitatem morum cum tibi sedula vxor occurrit, etc‸. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.

Obiect. Thus ſhall an husband abaſe himſelfe, and diſgrace his place.

Object. Thus shall an husband abase himself, and disgrace his place.

Anſw. The courteſie which I ſpeake of as it commeth from a ſuperiour, being a meere voluntary matter and a token994 of kindneſſe and fauour, is no abaſement of himſelfe, but an aduancement of his inferiour: a great grace to her, no diſgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittits a Prince of995 God, yet in communing with them he bowed vnto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Eſau, that though at that time he was his brothers ſuperiour (at leaſt he tooke himſelfe ſo to be) yet obſeruing how Iaakob reuerenced him, bowing ſeuen times to the ground, he ranne to meet him, and embraced996 him, and fell on his necke. Moſt pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahaſhveroſh, who beholding Eſthers reuerend997 ſtanding before him, held out his Scepter vnto her, which in a King is great courteſie.

  1. 994. Courteſie may ſtand with ſuperiority.
  2. 995. Gen. 23. 6, 7.
  3. 996. Gen. 33. 3, 4.
  4. 997. Eſth. 5. 2.

Answ. The courtesy which I speak of as it cometh from a superior, being a mere voluntary matter and a token994 of kindness and favour, is no abasement of himself, but an advancement of his inferior: a great grace to her, no disgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittites a Prince of995 God, yet in communing with them he bowed unto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Esau, that though at that time he was his brothers superior (at least he took himself so to be) yet observing how Jacob reverenced him, bowing seven times to the ground, he ran to meet him, and embraced996 him, and fell on his neck. Most pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahasuerus, who beholding Esther’s reverend997 standing before him, held out his Scepter unto her, which in a King is great courtesy.

  1. 994. Courtesy may stand with superiority.
  2. 995. Gen‸ 23:‸6, 7.
  3. 996. Gen‸ 33:‸3, 4.
  4. 997. Esth‸ 5:‸2.

But to put the matter out of all queſtion, let the example of Chriſt noted in Salomons ſong be obſerued, and we ſhall finde his courteſie euery way anſwering the reuerence of his Spouſe.

But to put the matter out of all question, let the example of Christ noted in Solomon’s song be observed, and we shall find his courtesy every way answering the reverence of his Spouse.

§. 15. Of husbands too great loftineſſe.

§. 15. Of husbands too great loftiness.

p. 365

Contrary is a loftie carriage of husbands to their wiues, who ouerlooke all reuerence ſhewed by wiues, no more reſpecting their wiues in this caſe, then children or ſeruants: or then Kings doe reſpect the reuerence of their ſubiects.

Contrary is a lofty carriage of husbands to their wives, who overlook all reverence showed by wives, no more respecting their wives in this case, then children or servants: or then Kings do respect the reverence of their subjects.

Oft haue I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiours, in which reſpect all euidences of reuerence ſhould much better be reſpected; yet we know that Kings and Queenes will put out their hands to be kiſſed by their ſubiects when they kneele before them, which is a token of courteſie: how much more ought husbands to ſhew courteſie? Vnworthy they are to be reuerenced of their wiues, who too Lord-like ouerlooke them.

Oft have I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiors, in which respect all evidences of reverence should much better be respected; yet we know that Kings and Queens will put out their hands to be kissed by their subjects when they kneel before them, which is a token of courtesy: how much more ought husbands to show courtesy? Unworthy they are to be reverenced of their wives, who too Lord-like overlook them.

§. 16. Of husbands998 ready yeelding to their wiues humble ſuits.

§. 16. Of husbands ready yielding to their wives humble suits.*

Againe, it being a token of reuerence in a wife humbly to999 make knowne her deſire to her husband, he ought to ſhew ſo much courteſie as readily to grant her deſire: this courteſie the forenamed1000 Ahaſhueroſh afforded to Eſther:1001 Dauid to Bathſheba:1002 Iſaak to Rebekah:1003 Abraham to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wiues.1004 Abraham ſhewed herein ſuch reſpect to his wife, that though the thing which ſhe deſired were grieuous to him, yet he yeelded to his wife.

  1. 998. Treat. 3. §. 15. [moved in the edition]
  2. 999. 2. By granting her humble requeſt.
  3. 1000. Eſt. 5. 3. [moved in the edition]
  4. 1001. 1 King. 1. 28. &c. [moved in the edition]
  5. 1002. Gen. 28. 1. [moved in the edition]
  6. 1003. & 16. 6. [moved in the edition]
  7. 1004. & 21. 10. 11. [moved in the edition]

Again, it being a token of reverence in a wife humbly to999 make known her desire to her husband, he ought to show so much courtesy as readily to grant her desire: this courtesy the forenamed Ahasuerus1000 afforded to Esther: David1001 to Bathsheba: Isaac1002 to Rebekah: Abraham1003 to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wives. Abraham1004 showed herein such respect to his wife, that though the thing which she desired were grievous to him, yet he yielded to his wife.

  1. 998. Treat. 3. §. 15. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 999. 2. By granting her humble request.
  3. 1000. Esth 5:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 1001. 1 Kgs 1:‸28. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
  5. 1002. Gen‸ 28:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
  6. 1003. Gen 16:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
  7. 1004. Gen 21:‸10, 11. [moved here by the editor]

Obiect. God firſt commanded him ſo to doe.

Object. God first commanded him so to do.

Anſw. This addeth the more force vnto the argument, ſhewing that it is Gods expreſſe will, that an husband ſhould ſhew this kinde of courteſie to his wife. Much more ought a man to doe at his wiues requeſt then at any others, whether friend, childe, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerefull ought he to ſhew himſelfe in granting his wiues requeſt then any others: prouided notwithſtanding that her deſire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yeeld in things vnlawfull is to loſe his authoritie, as was ſhewed1005 before.

  1. 1005. §. 5.

Answ. This addeth the more force unto the argument, showing that it is God’s express will, that an husband should show this kind of courtesy to his wife. Much more ought a man to do at his wives request then at any others, whether friend, child, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerful ought he to show himself in granting his wives request then any others: provided notwithstanding that her desire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yield in things unlawful is to lose his authority, as was showed1005 before.

  1. 1005. §. 5.

§. 17. Of husbands harſhneſſe to their wiues.

§. 17. Of husbands harshness to their wives.

Contrary is the harſhneſſe of their diſpoſition who yeeld to their wiues requeſt as an hard-milch-cow letteth downe her milke, not without much adoe: whereby the grace of all their p. 366 yeelding is taken away. There can be no courteſie in yeelding, when it is againſt their minde and will forced from them: their wiues muſt aske, and intreat againe and againe, yea be forced to vſe the mediation of others to perſwade their huſbands to yeeld to their requeſt before they will yeeld, if at all they yeeld. What is this but to proclaime to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wiues? If a wiues breath be ſtrange to her husband, aſſuredly his heart is firſt ſtrange to her: which is the readie way to make him ſet his heart on ſtrange women.

Contrary is the harshness of their disposition who yield to their wives request as an hard-milch-cow letteth down her milk, not without much ado: whereby the grace of all their yielding is taken away. There can be no courtesy in yielding, when it is against their mind and will forced from them: their wives must ask, and entreat again and again, yea be forced to use the mediation of others to persuade their husbands to yield to their request before they will yield, if at all they yield. What is this but to proclaim to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wives? If a wives breath be strange to her husband, assuredly his heart is first strange to her: which is the ready way to make him set his heart on strange women.

§. 18. Of husbands1006 forbearing to exact all that they may.

§. 18. Of husbands forbearing to exact all that they may.*

As a wiues reuerence ſo alſo her obedience muſt be anſwered with her husbands courteſie. In teſtimony whereof, An huſband1007 muſt be ready to accept that wherein his wife ſheweth her ſelfe willing to obey him. He ought to be ſparing in exacting too much of her: in this caſe he ought ſo to frame his cariage towards her, as that obedience which ſhe performeth, may rather come from her owne voluntary diſpoſition, from a free conſcience to God-wards, euen becauſe God hath placed her in a place of ſubiection, and from a wiue-like loue, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.

  1. 1006. Treat. 3. § 38, 39, &c. & §. 43 44, &c. [moved in the edition]
  2. 1007. 3. By accepting what ſhe is willing to doe.

As a wives reverence so also her obedience must be answered with her husbands courtesy. In testimony whereof, An husband1007 must be ready to accept that wherein his wife showeth her self willing to obey him. He ought to be sparing in exacting too much of her: in this case he ought so to frame his carriage towards her, as that obedience which she performeth, may rather come from her own voluntary disposition, from a free conscience to God-wards, even because God hath placed her in a place of subjection, and from a wive-like love, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.

  1. 1006. Treat. 3. §. 38, 39, etc‸. & §. 43, 44, etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 1007. 3. By accepting what she is willing to do.

Husbands ought not to exact of their wiues, whatſoeuer1008 wiues ought to yeeld vnto if it be exacted. They muſt obſerue what is lawfull, needfull, conuenient, expedient, fit for their wiues to doe, yea and what they are moſt willing to doe before they be too peremptorie in exacting it. For example.

  1. 1008. 4. By forbearing to exact too much.

Husbands ought not to exact of their wives, whatsoever1008 wives ought to yield unto if it be exacted. They must observe what is lawful, needful, convenient, expedient, fit for their wives to do, yea and what they are most willing to do before they be too peremptory in exacting it. For example.

  1. 1008. 4. By forbearing to exact too much.

1. Though the wife ought to goe with her husband, and1009 dwell where he thinkes meet, yet ought not he (vnleſſe by vertue of ſome vrgent calling he be forced thereto) remoue her from place to place, and carrie her from that place where ſhe is well ſetled without her good liking.1010 Iaakob conſulted with his wiues, and made try all of their willingneſſe, before he carried them from their fathers houſe.

  1. 1009. 5. By ſuffering her to dwell where it is meeteſt for her.
  2. 1010. Gen. 31. 4, &c. [moved in the edition]

1. Though the wife ought to go with her husband, and1009 dwell where he thinks meet, yet ought not he (unless by virtue of some urgent calling he be forced thereto) remove her from place to place, and carry her from that place where she is well settled without her good liking. Jacob1010 consulted with his wives, and made trial of their willingness, before he carried them from their fathers house.

  1. 1009. 5. By suffering her to dwell where it is meetest for her.
  2. 1010. Gen‸ 31:‸4, etc‸. [moved here by the editor]

2. Though ſhe ought cheerefully to entertaine what gueſts1011 he bringeth into the houſe, yet ought not he to be grieuous and burdenſome therein vnto her: the greateſt care and pains for entertaining gueſts lyeth on the wife: ſhe ought therefore to be tendred therein.

  1. 1011. 6. By forbearing to tire her with gueſts.

2. Though she ought cheerfully to entertain what guests1011 he bringeth into the house, yet ought not he to be grievous and burdensome therein unto her: the greatest care and pains for entertaining guests lieth on the wife: she ought therefore to be tendered therein.

  1. 1011. 6. By forbearing to tire her with guests.

p. 367 If he obſerue her conſcionable and wiſe, well able to manage1012 and order matters about houſe, yet loth to doe any thing without his conſent, he ought to be ready and free in yeelding his conſent, and ſatisfying her deſire, as1013, Elkanah: and if ſhe be baſhfull and backward in asking conſent, he ought voluntarily of himſelfe to offer it: yea and to giue her a generall conſent to order and diſpoſe matters as in her wiſdome ſhe ſeeth meet, as the ſaid Elkanah did: (Doe (ſaith he to his wife) what ſeemeth thee good:) and1014 the husband of that good houſewife which Salomon deſcribeth.

  1. 1012. 7. By ſuffering her to manage the affaires of the houſe.
  2. 1013. 1 Sam. 1. 23. [moved in the edition]
  3. 1014. Pro. 31. 11.

If he observe her conscionable and wise, well able to manage1012 and order matters about house, yet loth to do any thing without his consent, he ought to be ready and free in yielding his consent, and satisfying her desire, as ‸ Elkanah:1013 and if she be bashful and backward in asking consent, he ought voluntarily of himself to offer it: yea and to give her a general consent to order and dispose matters as in her wisdom she seeth meet, as the said Elkanah did: (Do (saith he to his wife) what seemeth thee good:) and1014 the husband of that good housewife which Solomon describeth.

  1. 1012. 7. By suffering her to manage the affairs of the house.
  2. 1013. 1 Sam‸ 1:‸23. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 1014. Prov 31:‸11.

A generall conſent is eſpecially requiſite for ordering of houſhold affaires: for it is a charge laid vpon wiues to1015 guide the houſe: whereby it appeareth that the buſineſſes of the houſe appertaine, and are moſt proper to the wife: in which reſpect ſhe is called the1016 houſ-wife: ſo as therein husbands ought to referre matters to their ordering, and not reſtraine them in euery particular matter from doing any thing without a ſpeciall licence and direction. To exemplifie this in1017 ſome particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,

  • 1. To1018 order the decking and trimming of the houſe.
  • 2. To1019 diſpoſe the ordinary prouiſion for the family.
  • 3. To1020 rule and gouerne maid ſeruants.
  • 4. To1021 bring vp children while they are young, with the like.

Theſe therefore ought he with a generall conſent to referre to her diſcretion: with limitation only of theſe two1022 cautions.

  1. 1015. 1 Tim. 5. 14. οἰκοδεσποτεῖν.
  2. 1016. Materfamilias.
  3. 1017. What things are to be put to the wiues diſpoſing.
  4. 1018. Pro. 31. 21, 22.
  5. 1019. Uerſ. 15.
  6. 1020. Gen. 16. 6.
  7. 1021. 1 Tim. 5. 10. Tit 2 4.
  8. 1022. 2 King. 4. 19.

A general consent is especially requisite for ordering of household affairs: for it is a charge laid upon wives to1015 guide the house: whereby it appeareth that the businesses of the house appertain, and are most proper to the wife: in which respect she is called the1016 housewife: so as therein husbands ought to refer matters to their ordering, and not restrain them in every particular matter from doing any thing without a special licence and direction. To exemplify this in1017 some particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,

  1. To1018 order the decking and trimming of the house.
  2. To1019 dispose the ordinary provision for the family.
  3. To1020 rule and govern maid servants.
  4. To1021 bring up children while they are young, with the like.

These therefore ought he with a general consent to refer to her discretion: with limitation only of these two1022 cautions.

  1. 1015. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸14‸ οἰκοδεσποτεῖν.
  2. 1016. Materfamilias.
  3. 1017. What things are to be put to the wives disposing.
  4. 1018. Prov 31:‸21, 22.
  5. 1019. Vers. 15.
  6. 1020. Gen‸ 16:‸6.
  7. 1021. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸10. Titus 2:‸4.
  8. 1022. 2 Kgs 4:‸19.

1. That ſhe haue in ſome meaſure ſufficient diſcretion,1023 wit, and wiſdome, and be not too ignorant, fooliſh, ſimple, lauiſh, &c.

  1. 1023. Cautions about referring matters of the houſe to the wiues ordering.

1. That she have in some measure sufficient discretion,1023 wit, and wisdom, and be not too ignorant, foolish, simple, lavish, etc‸.

  1. 1023. Cautions about referring matters of the house to the wives ordering.

2. That he haue a generall ouerſight in all, and ſo interpoſe his authority as he ſuffer nothing that is vnlawfull or vnſeemly to be done by his wife about houſe, children, ſeruants, or other things: for

  • 1. The generall charge of all lieth principally vpon him.
  • 2. He ſhall giue an account vnto God for all things that are amiſſe in his houſe.

3. The blame of all will alſo before men lie vpon him.

2. That he have a general oversight in all, and so interpose his authority as he suffer nothing that is unlawful or unseemly to be done by his wife about house, children, servants, or other things: for

  1. The general charge of all lieth principally upon him.
  2. He shall give an account unto God for all things that are amiss in his house.
  3. The blame of all will also before men lie upon him.

But thoſe two cautions prouided, he ought together with p. 368 his generall conſent1024 put truſt in his wife, (as1025 Potiphar did in Ioſeph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of yeeres, friends, or ſeruants whom he imployeth in his affaires. Them in euery particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a ſtrait account of them for expences laid out, or other things done: becauſe what they doe is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a ioynt parent of his children, and gouernour of his houſe, to whoſe good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that reſpect doth for her ſelfe that which ſhe doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence muſt be giuen.

  1. 1024. Pro. 31. 11. [moved in the edition]
  2. 1025. Gen. 39. 6. Difference betwixt the truſt put in a wife, and in others. [moved in the edition]

But those two cautions provided, he ought together with his general consent put trust1024 in his wife, (as Potiphar1025 did in Joseph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of years, friends, or servants whom he employeth in his affairs. Them in every particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a strait account of them for expenses laid out, or other things done: because what they do is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a joint parent of his children, and governor of his house, to whose good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that respect doth for her self that which she doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence must be given.

  1. 1024. Prov 31:‸11. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 1025. Gen‸ 39:‸6. Difference betwixt the trust put in a wife, and in others. [moved here by the editor]

§. 19. Of husbands too much ſtrictneſſe towards their wiues.

§. 19. Of husbands too much strictness towards their wives.

Contrary is the rigour and auſteritie of many husbands, who ſtand vpon the vttermoſt ſtep of their authoritie, and yeeld no more to a wife then to any other inferiour. Such are they

Contrary is the rigour and austerity of many husbands, who stand upon the uttermost step of their authority, and yield no more to a wife then to any other inferior. Such are they

1. Who are neuer contented or ſatisfied with any dutie the1026 wife performeth, but euer are exacting more and more.

  1. 1026. In what things an husband manifeſteth too much ſtrictneſſe.

1. Who are never contented or satisfied with any duty the1026 wife performeth, but ever are exacting more and more.

  1. 1026. In what things an husband manifesteth too much strictness.

2. Who care not how grieuous and burdenſome they are to their wiues: grieuous by bringing ſuch gueſts into the houſe as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdenſome by tu frequent, and vnſeaſonable inuiting of gueſts, or impoſing other like extraordinary buſineſſes, ouer and aboue the ordinary affaires of the houſe. Too frequent impoſing of ſuch things, cannot but breed much weariſomneſſe. Vnſeaſonable (as when the wife is weake by ſickneſſe, childe-bearing, giuing ſucke or other like meanes, and ſo not able to giue that contentment which otherwiſe ſhe would) cannot but much diſquiet her, and giue her great offence.

2. Who care not how grievous and burdensome they are to their wives: grievous by bringing such guests into the house as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdensome by too frequent, and unseasonable inviting of guests, or imposing other like extraordinary businesses, over and above the ordinary affairs of the house. Too frequent imposing of such things, cannot but breed much wearisomeness. Unseasonable (as when the wife is weak by sickness, child-bearing, giving suck or other like means, and so not able to give that contentment which otherwise she would) cannot but much disquiet her, and give her great offence.

3. Who hold their wiues vnder as if they were children or ſeruants, reſtraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular expreſſe conſent.

3. Who hold their wives under as if they were children or servants, restraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular express consent.

4. Who are ouer buſie in prying into euery buſineſſe of the houſe, and will haue their hand in all. Beſides that ſuch huſbands afford no opportunity to their wiues of giuing proofe of that vnderſtanding, wit, wiſdome, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withall, they take away that maine end for which a wife was giuen a man, namely, to be an p. 369 helpe. Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty1027 matters, which more properly belong vnto them. For obſerue it and you ſhall finde, that ſuch husbands as are moſt buſie about the priuate affaires of the houſe appertaining to their wiues, are moſt negligent of ſuch affaires as appertaine vnto themſelues: they thinke they walke in integrity, but yet are they not iuſt nor wiſe therein: for the iuſt man walketh in HIS integrity,1028 and the wiſdome of the prudent is to vnderſtand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his owne peculiar place; and his owne way: but euery foole will be medling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.1029

  1. 1027. Gen. 2. 18. [moved in the edition]
  2. 1028. Pro. 20. 7. & 14. 8.
  3. 1029. & 20. 3.

4. Who are over busy in prying into every business of the house, and will have their hand in all. Besides that such husbands afford no opportunity to their wives of giving proof of that understanding, wit, wisdom, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withal, they take away that main end for which a wife was given a man, namely, to be an help.1027 Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty matters, which more properly belong unto them. For observe it and you shall find, that such husbands as are most busy about the private affairs of the house appertaining to their wives, are most negligent of such affairs as appertain unto themselves: they think they walk in integrity, but yet are they not just nor wise therein: for the just man walketh in HIS integrity,1028 and the wisdom of the prudent is to understand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his own peculiar place; and his own way: but every fool will be meddling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.1029

  1. 1027. Gen‸ 2:‸18. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 1028. Prov 20:‸7‸; 14:‸8.
  3. 1029. Prov 20:‸3.

5. Who are ouer ſuſpicious of their wiues, and thereupon ouer ſtrickt in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth ſurmizes1030 euill, and that not without iuſt cauſe: for euill they are in their nature, and euill in their effects, being occaſions of many miſchiefes: but in none ſo euill as in husbands ouer their wiues. If a wiues fidelity (to whoſe good the welfare of the family, and increaſe of the ſtocke redoundeth as well as to the huſbands) be without iuſt cauſe ſuſpected, who ſhall be truſted? It is the ouerthrow of many families, that ſeruants are truſted, and not wiues.

  1. 1030. 1 Tim. 6. 4.

5. Who are over suspicious of their wives, and thereupon over strict in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth surmises1030 evil, and that not without just cause: for evil they are in their nature, and evil in their effects, being occasions of many mischiefs: but in none so evil as in husbands over their wives. If a wives fidelity (to whose good the welfare of the family, and increase of the stock redoundeth as well as to the husbands) be without just cause suspected, who shall be trusted? It is the overthrow of many families, that servants are trusted, and not wives.

  1. 1030. 1 Tim‸ 6:‸4.

Thus farre of an husbands kinde acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to doe.

Thus far of an husbands kind acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to do.

§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wiues in good things.

§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wives in good things.

The loue which an husband oweth to his wife, further requireth1031 that he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe hath well done. That which the Apoſtle faith of the Magiſtrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Doe that which is good, and thou ſhalt haue praiſe of the ſame. It is expreſly noted in the deſcription of a good husband,1032 that he praiſeth his wife: and in that he ſaith,1033 Giue her of the1034 fruit of her hands, it is implied alſo that he rewardeth her.

  1. 1031. Husbands muſt commend and reward good things in their wiues.
  2. 1032. a Rom. 13. 3. [moved in the edition]
  3. 1033. Verſ. 31. [moved in the edition]
  4. 1034. b Prou. 31. 28, 29. [moved in the edition]

The love which an husband oweth to his wife, further requireth1031 that he wisely commend and reward what she hath well done. That which the Apostle saith of the Magistrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same.1032 It is expressly noted in the description of a good husband, that he praiseth his wife:1033 and in that he saith, Give her of the1034 fruit of her hands, it is implied also that he rewardeth her.

  1. 1031. Husbands must commend and reward good things in their wives.
  2. 1032. ‸ Rom‸ 13:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 1033. ‸ Prov‸ 31:‸28, 29. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 1034. Vers. 31. [moved here by the editor]

This is an vndoubted euidence of his good acceptance of her duty, and a further incouragement to ſtir her vp to goe on and continue in well doing. Yea this is alſo an euidence of his by and delight both in her perſon, and alſo in her well doing. If there be no delight in ones perſon, well doing will rather p. 370 ſtir vp enuy then ioy: and they that enuy a mans well doing, will neuer commend, or reward him for it.

This is an undoubted evidence of his good acceptance of her duty, and a further encouragement to stir her up to go on and continue in well doing. Yea this is also an evidence of his joy and delight both in her person, and also in her well doing. If there be no delight in ones person, well doing will rather stir up envy then joy: and they that envy a man’s well doing, will never commend, or reward him for it.

In an husbands commending of his wife this caueat muſt be put: that he ſo order his commendation as it ſauour not of flattery, or dotage: nor yet1035 ſtir vp luſt or enuy in others.

  1. 1035. Lege apud T. Liv. Dec. 1. l. 1. quid inde evenit, quòd regij iuuenes ſuam quisꝗ vxorem miris modis laudare.

In an husbands commending of his wife this caveat must be put: that he so order his commendation as it savour not of flattery, or dotage: nor yet1035 stir up lust or envy in others.

  1. 1035. Lege apud T. Liv. Dec. 1. l. 1. quid inde evenit, quòd regij iuuenes suam quisque vxorem miris modis laudare.

§. 21. Of husbands vngratefull diſcouraging their wiues.

§. 21. Of husbands ungrateful discouraging their wives.

Contrary is an vngratefull, if not enuious diſpoſition of ſuch1036 husbands, as paſſing by many good things ordinarily and vſually euery day done by their wiues without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to diſpraiſe the leaſt ſlip, or neglect in them; and that in ſuch generall termes as if they neuer did any thing well, ſo as their wiues may well complaine and ſay as it is in the prouerbe,

  1. 1036. Quisque ſuam laudot, ſtudijs certamina creſcunt. Ouid. Faſt. lib. 2.

Contrary is an ungrateful, if not envious disposition of such1036 husbands, as passing by many good things ordinarily and usually every day done by their wives without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to dispraise the least slip, or neglect in them; and that in such general terms as if they never did any thing well, so as their wives may well complain and say as it is in the proverb,

  1. 1036. Quisque suam laudat, studijs certamina crescunt. Ouid. Fast. lib. 2.

Oft did I well, and that heare I neuer:

Oft did I well, and that hear I never:

Once did I ill, and that heare I euer.

Once did I ill, and that hear I ever.

Yet ſuch will be ready to praiſe other mens wiues, and vp braid their owne wiues with the examples of thoſe other, when their owne doe farre excell them in all kinde of goodneſſe. What doth this ſhew but that either they take no notice of their own wiues goodneſſe, or elſe by reaſon of the commonneſſe thereof little regard it? If their wiues haue not the more grace in them, this diſpoſition is enough not only to diſcourage them from doing any good duty, but alſo to breed iealouſie in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.

Yet such will be ready to praise other men’s wives, and upbraid their own wives with the examples of those other, when their own do far excel them in all kind of goodness. What doth this show but that either they take no notice of their own wives goodness, or else by reason of the commonness thereof little regard it? If their wives have not the more grace in them, this disposition is enough not only to discourage them from doing any good duty, but also to breed jealousy in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.

§. 22. Of an husbands1037 mildneſſe.

§. 22. Of an husbands mildness.*

Hitherto of that reſpect which an husband is to haue of that duty which his wife performeth to him.

  1. 1037. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved in the edition]

Hitherto of that respect which an husband is to have of that duty which his wife performeth to him.

  1. 1037. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved here by the editor]

For auoiding iuſt offence, an husband muſt further haue good reſpect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he muſt accept duty at his wiues hands, ſo mildly he muſt performe that1038 duty which he oweth to her.

  1. 1038. Oportet virum praecſſe vxori oblectando, & indulgendo. Plut. praec. Connub.

For avoiding just offence, an husband must further have good respect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he must accept duty at his wives hands, so mildly he must perform that1038 duty which he oweth to her.

  1. 1038. Oportet virum praeesse vxori oblectando, & indulgendo. Plut. praec. Connub.

This mildneſſe is an eſpeciall fruit, and euidence of loue, and a notable meanes to take away all offence that otherwiſe might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Hony are not more pleaſant to the tongue, then mildneſſe to the heart; it cauſeth ſuch things as otherwiſe are irkſome and grieuous to the ſoule, to be well taken and applied, euen as bitter pils dipt in ſweet ſyrrop, or rolled vp in the ſoft pap of p. 371 an apple, are ſoone ſwallowed downe and well digeſted. If an husband deſire to be accounted a ſeruant of the Lord he muſt learne this leſſon: For the ſeruant of the Lord muſt be gentle to all men. If any other ſeruant of the Lord, much more huſbands:1039 if to all men, moſt of all to their wiues: and that in many reſpects.

  • 1. Becauſe of the neere vnion betwixt man and wife.
  • 2. Becauſe of the ioynt authority ſhe hath with him ouer others: that herein he may be a preſident and example to her.
  • 3. Becauſe of her weakneſſe: glaſſes are tenderly handled: a ſmall knocke ſoone breakes them.
  1. 1039. 2 Tim. 2. 24. [moved in the edition]

This mildness is an especial fruit, and evidence of love, and a notable means to take away all offence that otherwise might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Honey are not more pleasant to the tongue, then mildness to the heart; it causeth such things as otherwise are irksome and grievous to the soul, to be well taken and applied, even as bitter pills dipped in sweet syrup, or rolled up in the soft pap of an apple, are soon swallowed down and well digested. If an husband desire to be accounted a servant of the Lord he must learn this lesson: For the servant of the Lord must be gentle to all men.1039 If any other servant of the Lord, much more husbands: if to all men, most of all to their wives: and that in many respects.

  1. Because of the near union betwixt man and wife.
  2. Because of the joint authority she hath with him over others: that herein he may be a precedent and example to her.
  3. Because of her weakness: glasses are tenderly handled: a small knock soon breaks them.
  1. 1039. 2 Tim‸ 2:‸24. [moved here by the editor]

§. 23. Of husbands bitterneſſe.

§. 23. Of husbands bitterness.

Contrary is bitterneſſe, a vice expreſly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot ſtand with an huſband-like loue: whereupon the Apoſtle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, Loue (ſaith he) and be not bitter. Nothing1040 more turneth the edge of his authority, peruerteth the vſe of his gouernment, prouoketh the ſtomacke of his wife, maketh his words and deeds leſſe regarded, then bitterneſſe. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with ſweet and wholeſome meats, which cauſeth that they cannot be well digeſted, but with violence are ſpit out againe ſo ſoone as euer they be taſted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be ſo much the more watchfull againſt it, loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them.

  1. 1040. Col. 3 19. [moved in the edition]

Contrary is bitterness, a vice expressly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot stand with an husband-like love: whereupon the Apostle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, love (saith he) and be not bitter.1040 Nothing more turneth the edge of his authority, perverteth the use of his government, provoketh the stomach of his wife, maketh his words and deeds less regarded, then bitterness. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with sweet and wholesome meats, which causeth that they cannot be well digested, but with violence are spit out again so soon as ever they be tasted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be so much the more watchful against it, love your wives and be not bitter unto them.

  1. 1040. Col‸ 3:‸19. [moved here by the editor]