Then & Now · Volume III · 3 of 10
Children Obeying Parents’ Instruction and Correction
Children Obeying Parents’ Instruction and Correction
§. 27. Of childrens actiue obedience.
§. 27. Of children’s active obedience.
The affirmatiue and actiue part of a childs obedience, conſiſts in yeelding himſelfe pliable to his parents will; which muſt be added to the forenamed negatiue and paſſiue part of obedience in forbearing to doe things without conſent of parents, for manifeſtation of a true child-like affection and diſpoſition toward the parent. Paſſiue obedience may ariſe from meere fullenneſſe, and ſtoutneſſe of ſtomach. For there are many who will forbeare to doe this or that without conſent of parents, becauſe they are loth to aske their conſent: they had rather haue their owne wills croſt in the things they deſire, then be made ſubiect to their parents will. What doth this argue, but a ſtout ſtomach, and a diſdainfull heart? Beſides, to forbeare the doing of an vnlawfull thing, is but to abſtaine from euill. But it is required of Chriſtians194 to doe that which is good, as well as to abſtaine from that which is euill. This is it which is commended in Iaakob: he did not only forbeare to take ſuch a wife as would be a griefe to his parents (wherein his195 brother Eſau had offended) but alſo obeyed his parents in196 taking ſuch a wife as they willed him to take.
The affirmative and active part of a childs obedience, consists in yielding himself pliable to his parents will; which must be added to the forenamed negative and passive part of obedience in forbearing to do things without consent of parents, for manifestation of a true child-like affection and disposition toward the parent. Passive obedience may arise from mere sullenness, and stoutness of stomach. For there are many who will forbear to do this or that without consent of parents, because they are loth to ask their consent: they had rather have their own wills crost in the things they desire, then be made subject to their parents will. What doth this argue, but a stout stomach, and a disdainful heart? Besides, to forbear the doing of an unlawful thing, is but to abstain from evil. But it is required of Christians193 to do that which is good, as well as to abstain from that which is evil. This is it which is commended in Jacob: he did not only forbear to take such a wife as would be a grief to his parents (wherein his194 brother Esau had offended) but also obeyed his parents in195 taking such a wife as they willed him to take.
This generall point we will exemplifie in foure particular inſtances, namely, in a childs obedience to his parents commandements, inſtructions, reproofes, corrections.
This general point we will exemplify in four particular instances, namely, in a childs obedience to his parents commandments, instructions, reproofs, corrections.
§. 28. Of childrens obedience to their parents commandements.
§. 28. Of children’s obedience to their parents commandments.
p. 458 Parents, by vertue of their place, haue power and authoritie to command: Children therefore muſt obey, or elſe that power is to no purpoſe.
Parents, by virtue of their place, have power and authority to command: children therefore must obey, or else that power is to no purpose.
To demonſtrate this by ſome particulars:
To demonstrate this by some particulars:
1. If a parent call his childe, or ſend for him, he muſt readily198 come, yea though he know not the occaſion. Eli was in place of a parent to Samuel, whereupon the childe ſuppoſing that Eli called him,199 ranne to him once, and againe and againe.200 Dauid when he was ſent for by his father out of the field to be anointed King, knew not the occaſion, yet came.201 The twelue ſonnes of Iaakob, though men growne, yet called for by their father, aſſembled themſelues together before him.
1. If a parent call his child, or send for him, he must readily197 come, yea though he know not the occasion. Eli was in place of a parent to Samuel, whereupon the child supposing that Eli called him,198 ran to him once, and again and again. David199 when he was sent for by his father out of the field to be anointed King, knew not the occasion, yet came.200 The twelve sons of Jacob, though men grown, yet called for by their father, assembled themselves together before him.
2. If a parent be diſpoſed to ſend his childe any whither, or of202 any errand, though it be farre off, and may ſeeme ſomewhat troubleſome, yet he ought to goe, and doe it. The203 forenamed example of204 Iaakob, the example alſo of205 Ioſeph (being ſent to ſee whether it were well with his brethren) and of the206 tenne ſonnes of Iaakob (being ſent by their father into Egypt,) and of207 Dauid (ſent to viſit his brethren in the hoſte) are in this caſe commended by the holy Ghoſt. Of Dauid it is noted, that208 he aroſe vp early and went as Iſhai had commanded him: which ſetteth forth his ready obedience.
2. If a parent be disposed to send his child any whither, or of201 any errand, though it be far off, and may seem somewhat troublesome, yet he ought to go, and do it. The202 forenamed example of Jacob,203 the example also of Joseph204 (being sent to see whether it were well with his brethren) and of the ten sons of Jacob205 (being sent by their father into Egypt,) and of David206 (sent to visit his brethren in the host) are in this case commended by the Holy Ghost. Of David it is noted, that207 he arose up early and went as Jesse had commanded him: which setteth forth his ready obedience.
3. If a parent require his childe to attend vpon him, he muſt209 alſo doe that. When Abram was going vp to the top of Moriah his will was that his ſeruants ſhould tarrie behinde, and that his ſonne Iſaak ſhould attend him, and carry the wood for the ſacrifice, and accordingly Iſaak obeyed.210
4. If a parent inioyne any taske, or commit any buſineſſe to211 his childe, he ought faithfully to performe it. This kinde of faithfull obedience is commended in212 Ioſeph, in the213 Rechabites, and in214 Dauid, with many others. Ioſeph, by reaſon of his great place, might not goe out of Egypt, yet to performe that which his father inioyned him, he asked leaue. The Rechabites were tempted to breake their fathers charge, yet they would not. Dauid when he was ſent by his father, from the ſheepe which were committed to his cuſtodie, was carefull to leaue them with a keeper:215 and againe, when a Beare at one time, and a Lion at another came216 to the flocke, he put his life in hazard to preſerue the flocke: all p. 459 theſe circumſtances are thus noted, to ſet forth the great care that theſe children had to diſcharge that charge which their parents had committed to them.
4. If a parent enjoin any task, or commit any business to210 his child, he ought faithfully to perform it. This kind of faithful obedience is commended in Joseph,211 in the Rechabites,212 and in David,213 with many others. Joseph, by reason of his great place, might not go out of Egypt, yet to perform that which his father enjoined him, he asked leave. The Rechabites were tempted to break their fathers charge, yet they would not. David when he was sent by his father, from the sheep which were committed to his custody, was careful to leave them with a keeper:214 and again, when a Bear at one time, and a Lion at another came215 to the flock, he put his life in hazard to preserve the flock: all these circumstances are thus noted, to set forth the great care that these children had to discharge that charge which their parents had committed to them.
§. 29. Of childrens diſobedience to their parents commandements.
§. 29. Of children’s disobedience to their parents commandments.
Contrary is a rebellious diſpoſition in children, manifeſted by theſe and ſuch like practiſes,
Contrary is a rebellious disposition in children, manifested by these and such like practises,
1. By refuſing to be at their parents call; or comming (as we ſpeake) at leiſure, and making their parents wait for them.
1. By refusing to be at their parents call; or coming (as we speak) at leisure, and making their parents wait for them.
2. By a lazie, ſluggiſh pretending of vaine and friuolous excuſes, when their parents would ſend them of an errand, like that ſluggard, who ſaith,217 A lion is without, I ſhall be ſlaine in the ſtreets. Such pretences are as218 vineger to the teeth, and ſmoke to the eyes.
3. By ſcorning to wait on their parents; and in that reſpect they will ſlinke out of doores, and abſent themſelues, when they imagine their parents will vſe their ſeruice in that kinde: they forſooth will not be their parents ſeruants: and impious conceit.
3. By scorning to wait on their parents; and in that respect they will slink out of doors, and absent themselves, when they imagine their parents will use their service in that kind: they forsooth will not be their parents servants: an impious conceit.
4. By refuſing to doe what their parents inioyne them to doe, and require at their hands, like219 the younger ſonne, that went not to worke in the vineyard at his fathers command. Such children for the moſt part offend herein, as through pride thinke the buſineſſe inioyned to them too meane, and baſe to doe. Had Dauid, or the daughters of Reguel beene of this minde, the one would220 not haue returned to his fathers ſheepe, after he was anointed to be King ouer Iſrael, and after he had beene called to the Court; and the other would not haue watered their fathers ſheepe, eſpecially221 among ſuch rude and bioſterous clownes, as without all reſpect to their place and ſex, would driue them away.
4. By refusing to do what their parents enjoin them to do, and require at their hands, like218 the younger son, that went not to work in the vineyard at his fathers command. Such children for the most part offend herein, as through pride think the business enjoined to them too mean, and base to do. Had David,219 or the daughters of Reguel220 been of this mind, the one would not have returned to his fathers sheep, after he was anointed to be King over Israel, and after he had been called to the Court; and the other would not have watered their fathers sheep, especially among such rude and boisterous clowns, as without all respect to their place and sex, would drive them away.
§. 30. Of childrens obedience to their parents inſtruction.
§. 30. Of children’s obedience to their parents instruction.
II. Such wholſome inſtructions as parents giue their children for the well ordering of their cariage, children ought conſcionably to obey: a point which222 Solomon much preſſeth: My ſonne, ſaith he, heare the inſtruction of thy father, and forſake not the law of thy another, &c. And to moue children the rather to doe ſo, he ſets before them223 his owne example, ſhewing that he required no more of them then himſelfe had performed.224 Moſes, though growne to yeeres, and a prince among his people, teſtified his obedience to his father in law hereby.
II. Such wholesome instructions as parents give their children for the well ordering of their carriage, children ought conscionably to obey: a point which Solomon221 much presseth: My son, saith ‸he, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother, etc‸. And to move children the rather to do so, he sets before them222 his own example, showing that he required no more of them then himself had performed. Moses,223 though grown to years, and a prince among his people, testified his obedience to his father in law hereby.
p. 460 1. Parents haue an expreſſe commandement to inſtruct their225 children (as we ſhall226 after ſhew.) Great reaſon therefore that their children heare and obey them therein. The good inſtructions of any one are to be regarded, much more of parents.
2. Great wiſdome may be attained thereby: for the deſire that227 parents haue of their childrens good, maketh them giue the beſt228 directions they can vnto them, euen what themſelues haue learned of others, or obſerued by their owne experience: in this reſpect, Solomon ſtileth him229 a wiſe ſonne that obeyeth the inſtruction of his father: and reſembleth the fruit and benefit thereof, to230 acomely ornament, to chaines, and bracelets, and to a crowne of glory.
2. Great wisdom may be attained thereby: for the desire that parents have of their children’s good, maketh them give the best226 directions they can unto them, even what themselves have learned of others, or observed by their own experience: in this respect, Solomon styleth him a wise son that obeyeth the instruction of his father:227 and resembleth the fruit and benefit thereof, to a comely ornament, to chains, and bracelets, and to a crown of glory.228
3. Much ioy and comfort is brought to parents by ſeeing231 their children obſerue their inſtruction: for232 a wiſe ſonne maketh a glad father. Now this is a thing which children ought to aime at,233 to reioyce their parents heart. Eſau is taxed for234 grieuing his parents.
Contrary is their proud and fooliſh humour, who thinke they need no inſtruction, their parents are too iealous of them, they are wiſe enough of themſelues; if their parents would but let them alone, they ſhould doe better: thus they ſhew themſelues impious againſt God, rebellious againſt their parents, and iniurious to themſelues. Such were235 Elies, and236 Lots ſonnes. Now note the vengeance that fell vpon them.
Contrary is their proud and foolish humour, who think they need no instruction, their parents are too jealous of them, they are wise enough of themselves; if their parents would but let them alone, they should do better: thus they show themselves impious against God, rebellious against their parents, and injurious to themselves. Such were Eli’s,233 and Lot’s234 sons. Now note the vengeance that fell upon them.
§. 31. Of childrens patience to their parents reproofe.
§. 31. Of children’s patience to their parents reproof.
III. The obedience of children muſt further237238 extend it ſelf to their parents reproofe: and that by patient bearing all manner of reproofes, and by amending what is iuſtly reproued. That ſhame, whereof the Lord ſpeaketh, which ſhould be in a childe,239 when her father hath ſpet in her face, that is, by ſome outward ſigne manifeſted his anger, implieth a childs patient bearing of a parents reproofe. This patience in a childe muſt be manifeſted p. 461 to his parent, whether his reproofe be milde or bitter, iuſt or vniuſt. In this reſpect a childe muſt more conſider the perſon who reproueth, then the matter or manner of the reproofe. Iaakobs reproofe of Ioſeph, for his dreames which came of God, was vniuſt:240 the manner of vttering it, with many ſhort pauſes, and that interrogatiuely, implieth ſome tartneſſe: yet ſuch was his patience, as we read not of one diſcontented word that he gaue. But moſt memorable is the patience of Ionathan in this kinde. His father Sauls241 reproofe of him was directly vniuſt, and out of meaſure bitter: yet with what patience did he beare it? all that he replied was to make ſome little apologie for Dauid: he replied nothing againſt his fathers opprobrious ſpeeches.
- 237. Treat. 3. §. 47, &c.
- 238. The reaſons alledged, and the directions giuen concerning a wiues ſubiection to her husbands reproofe, may fitly be applied to this part of childrens obedience. Here therefore the ſame order is obſerued, and the ſeuerall points confirmed by proofes pertinent to children.
- 239. Num. 12. 14.
- 240. Gen. 37. 10.
- 241. 1 Sam. 20. 30, &c.
III. The obedience of children must further235236 extend it self to their parents reproof: and that by patient bearing all manner of reproofs, and by amending what is justly reproved. That shame, whereof the Lord speaketh, which should be in a child,237 when her father hath spet in her face, that is, by some outward sign manifested his anger, implieth a childs patient bearing of a parents reproof. This patience in a child must be manifested to his parent, whether his reproof be mild or bitter, just or unjust. In this respect a child must more consider the person who reproveth, then the matter or manner of the reproof. Jacob’s reproof of Joseph, for his dreams which came of God, was unjust:238 the manner of uttering it, with many short pauses, and that interrogatively, implieth some tartness: yet such was his patience, as we read not of one discontented word that he gave. But most memorable is the patience of Jonathan in this kind. His father Saul’s239 reproof of him was directly unjust, and out of measure bitter: yet with what patience did he bear it? All that he replied was to make some little apology for David: he replied nothing against his fathers opprobrious speeches.
- 235. Treat. 3. §. 47, etc‸.
- 236. The reasons alleged, and the directions given concerning a wives subjection to her husbands reproof, may fitly be applied to this part of children’s obedience. Here therefore the same order is observed, and the several points confirmed by proofs pertinent to children.
- 237. Num‸ 12:‸14.
- 238. Gen‸ 37:‸10.
- 239. 1 Sam‸ 20:‸30, etc‸.
Great wiſdome may be learned by this patience: for ſo may a242 childe better iudge of his parents reproofe, whether it be iuſt or no. Though it be vniuſt, yet thereby may he obſerue what is diſpleaſing to his parents: at leaſt he may obſerue his parents infirmitie, and ſo know the better how to carry himſelfe towards them.
- 242. Reaſon. Wiſdome learned.
Great wisdom may be learned by this patience: for so may a240 child better judge of his parents reproof, whether it be just or no. Though it be unjust, yet thereby may he observe what is displeasing to his parents: at least he may observe his parents infirmity, and so know the better how to carry himself towards them.
- 240. Reason. Wisdom learned.
Contrary is the practiſe of ſuch children, as vpon euery reproofe of their parents are ready to * anſwer againe. Our parents243 are wayward, ſay they, who can beare them? If none elſe could beare them, yet ſhould children: for parents ordinarily beare ſuch waywardneſſe, and vntowardneſſe at their childrens hands, eſpecially while they are young, as none elſe would or could.
- 243. See. §. 6.
Contrary is the practise of such children, as upon every reproof of their parents are ready to ‸ answer again. Our parents241 are wayward, say they, who can bear them? If none else could bear them, yet should children: for parents ordinarily bear such waywardness, and untowardness at their children’s hands, especially while they are young, as none else would or could.
- 241. See‸ §. 6.
Queſt. If a parent be miſtaken in a matter, and vniuſtly reproue his childe, may the childe make no anſwer?
Quest. If a parent be mistaken in a matter, and unjustly reprove his child, may the child make no answer?
Anſw. Yes, he may, ſo he doe it mildly, reuerendly, and ſeaſonably: not too peremptorily croſſing or thwarting his parent.
Answ. Yes, he may, so he do it mildly, reverendly, and seasonably: not too peremptorily crossing or thwarting his parent.
Obiect. Chriſt tooke vp his mother very roundly for reprouing244 him vniuſtly.
Object. Christ took up his mother very roundly for reproving242 him unjustly.
Anſw. Chriſt as God-man was greater then his mother, and in that reſpect with authoritie blamed her for her vniuſt reproofe. The Virgin Marie was not ignorant thereof, and therefore was ſilent.
- 244. Luk. 2. 49.
Answ. Christ as God-man was greater then his mother, and in that respect with authority blamed her for her unjust reproof. The Virgin Mary was not ignorant thereof, and therefore was silent.
- 242. Luke 2:‸49.
§. 32. Of childrens readineſſe to amend what is iuſtly reproued by their parents.
§. 32. Of children’s readiness to amend what is justly reproved by their parents.
If a childe be iuſtly for his fault reproued by his parents,245 p. 462 both conſcience toward God, and obedience to his parent, requireth that he readily redreſſe that which is amiſſe. Vnleſſe amendment of the thing iuſtly reproued be added to patient bearing of reproofe, that patience can be no better accounted of, then diſſimulation, and plaine mockage. When the father246 in law of Moſes told him, that what he did was not well, he forthwith amended it.
If a child be justly for his fault reproved by his parents,243 both conscience toward God, and obedience to his parent, requireth that he readily redress that which is amiss. Unless amendment of the thing justly reproved be added to patient bearing of reproof, that patience can be no better accounted of, then dissimulation, and plain mockage. When the father244 in law of Moses told him, that what he did was not well, he forthwith amended it.
But contrarily many lewd and vngracious children continue to goe on in their wicked courſes, though their parents againe, and againe rebuke them for it. Iuſt was Elies reproofe of his children, but yet no amendment followed. Now note the inference made thereupon by the holy Ghoſt, They obeyed247 not the voice of their father, becauſe the Lord would ſlay them: whereby is implied, that to deſpiſe the iuſt reproofe of parents is an euident ſigne, and forerunner of Gods heauy iudgement. Salomon calls the childe which will heare no rebuke, a Scorner,248 which noteth out a moſt obſtinate ſinner that cannot be reclaimed, and in that reſpect is ſcorned of the Lord.249
But contrarily many lewd and ungracious children continue to go on in their wicked courses, though their parents again, and again rebuke them for it. Just was Eli’s reproof of his children, but yet no amendment followed. Now note the inference made thereupon by the Holy Ghost, They obeyed245 not the voice of their father, because the Lord would slay them: whereby is implied, that to despise the just reproof of parents is an evident sign, and forerunner of God’s heavy judgment. Solomon calls the child which will hear no rebuke, a Scorner,246 which noteth out a most obstinate sinner that cannot be reclaimed, and in that respect is scorned of the Lord.247
§. 33. Of Childrens ſubmiſſion to their parents correction.
§. 33. Of Children’s submission to their parents correction.
IIII. Correction is a reall reproofe, a reproofe in the higheſt degree, euen the ſeuereſt kinde of reproofe: ſo as by ſubiection hereunto great tryall of obedience is made. By the ſame meanes muſt a childes ſubmiſſion to his parent in this kinde of reproofe be manifeſted, as in the former: namely,
IIII. Correction is a real reproof, a reproof in the highest degree, even the severest kind of reproof: so as by subjection hereunto great trial of obedience is made. By the same means must a childes submission to his parent in this kind of reproof be manifested, as in the former: namely,
1. By bearing patiently the correction which his parent ſhall giue him.
1. By bearing patiently the correction which his parent shall give him.
2. By amending readily that for which he is iuſtly corrected.
2. By amending readily that for which he is justly corrected.
The former of theſe is noted by the Apoſtle as a ruled caſe, a matter not to be denied, in theſe words,250 We haue had fathers of our fleſh which corrected vs, and we gaue them reuerence. One ſpeciall part of this reuerence is a patient ſuffering: therefore he inferres thereupon, ought we not to be in ſubiection? &c.
- 250. Heb. 12. 9. [moved in the edition]
The former of these is noted by the Apostle as a ruled case, a matter not to be denied, in these words, We have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence.248 One special part of this reverence is a patient suffering: therefore he infers thereupon, ought we not to be in subjection? etc‸.
- 248. Heb‸ 12:‸9. [moved here by the editor]
The latter is ſet forth by Salomon vnder an effect which followeth vpon the performance thereof: for hauing aduiſed a parent to correct his childe, he addeth this reaſon,251 He ſhall giue thee reſt, yea he ſhall giue delight vnto thy ſoule: how can p. 463 this reſt, and delight be giuen, but by the childes amendment of that for which he is corrected? A parent taketh no delight in the paine, and ſmart of his childe, but in the fruit that followeth thereupon. As a childes tranſgreſſion is252 a griefe, and vexation to the parent, ſo his amendment cauſeth reſt and delight. Now this effect followeth not ſimply vpon correction, but vpon the good vſe thereof which is made by the childe. It lyeth therefore in the childe, and ſo lyeth vpon him as a dutie, to giue this reſt and delight to his parent by amending the fault for which he is corrected, as he brought griefe to him by prouoking him to vſe correction. Thus ſhall neither parent repent the inflicting, nor the childe repent the induring of correction.
The latter is set forth by Solomon under an effect which followeth upon the performance thereof: for having advised a parent to correct his child, he addeth this reason, He shall give thee rest, yea he shall give delight unto thy soul:249 how can this rest, and delight be given, but by the childes amendment of that for which he is corrected? A parent taketh no delight in the pain, and smart of his child, but in the fruit that followeth thereupon. As a childes transgression is a grief,250 and vexation to the parent, so his amendment causeth rest and delight. Now this effect followeth not simply upon correction, but upon the good use thereof which is made by the child. It lieth therefore in the child, and so lieth upon him as a duty, to give this rest and delight to his parent by amending the fault for which he is corrected, as he brought grief to him by provoking him to use correction. Thus shall neither parent repent the inflicting, nor the child repent the induring of correction.
That a childe may attaine to this degree of obedience, he253 muſt duly conſider both the Cauſe whereby his parent is moued to correct him, and alſo the End which he aimeth at therein. The cauſe is the254 loue he beareth to his childe. The end which he aimeth at, is his childes255 good. If theſe motiues worke not obedience, what can?
That a child may attain to this degree of obedience, he251 must duly consider both the Cause whereby his parent is moved to correct him, and also the End which he aimeth at therein. The cause is the love252 he beareth to his child. The end which he aimeth at, is his childes good.253 If these motives work not obedience, what can?
§. 34. Of refuſing, or abuſing correction.
§. 34. Of refusing, or abusing correction.
Contrary is diſdaine on the one ſide, and obſtinacie on the other. Diſdaine, when children ſcorne to be corrected by their parents: and in that reſpect when by all the meanes they can vſe, they cannot auoid it, they will mutter and murmure, fret and fume, rage and raue againſt their parents, and deſpiſe and hate them for it. Obſtinacie, when they will be no whit bettered thereby, but ſtill runne on in their leaud courſes, and rather waxe the worſe for being corrected. This may be counted the higheſt pitch of a childes rebellion: for this is the laſt meanes which a parent can vſe to reclaime his childe from deſperate courſes. If this preuaileth not, the law of God requireth,256 that a parent ſhould giue vp his childe into the hand of the Magiſtrate, that he may be put to death.
- 256. Deut. 21. 18. &c
Contrary is disdain on the one side, and obstinacy on the other. Disdain, when children scorn to be corrected by their parents: and in that respect when by all the means they can use, they cannot avoid it, they will mutter and murmur, fret and fume, rage and rave against their parents, and despise and hate them for it. Obstinacy, when they will be no whit bettered thereby, but still run on in their lewd courses, and rather wax the worse for being corrected. This may be counted the highest pitch of a childes rebellion: for this is the last means which a parent can use to reclaim his child from desperate courses. If this prevaileth not, the law of God requireth,254 that a parent should give up his child into the hand of the Magistrate, that he may be put to death.
- 254. Deut‸ 21:‸18. etc.‸
Hitherto of the diſtinct branches of childrens Obedience.
Hitherto of the distinct branches of children’s obedience.
The Extent thereof followeth.
The Extent thereof followeth.
§. 35. Of childrens conforming their iudgements to their parents.
§. 35. Of children’s conforming their judgments to their parents.
The extent of childrens obedience is only implied in this Epiſtle to the Epheſians, but it is expreſſed (Col. 3. 20) in theſe words, Children obey your parents257 IN ALL THINGS. A large extent, but not ſimply to be taken without any limitation: for the Apoſtle himſelfe noteth a reſtraint in theſe words,258 In the Lord. So farre forth as children tranſgreſſe not any of Gods commandements in obeying their parents, they ought to obey. This is to obey in all things, in the Lord.
The extent of children’s obedience is only implied in this Epistle to the Ephesians, but it is expressed (Col‸ 3:‸20) in these words, Children obey your parents255 IN ALL THINGS. A large extent, but not simply to be taken without any limitation: for the Apostle himself noteth a restraint in these words,256 In the Lord. So far forth as children transgress not any of God’s commandments in obeying their parents, they ought to obey. This is to obey in all things, in the Lord.
259 The extent of childrens duties being the very ſame that was of wiues duties: and the reſtraint alſo the ſame, that order which was there obſerued ſhall here alſo be kept. Only other proofes more pertinent to childrens place, ſhall be brought to confirme thoſe generall propoſitions which may be applied to any inferiours. Many generall reaſons there alledged for proofe of the propoſitions ſhall here be omitted. Wherefore compare this place with that.
- 259. Treat. 3. §. 63, 64, &c. The extent of childrens obedience. [moved in the edition]
The257 extent of children’s duties being the very same that was of wives duties: and the restraint also the same, that order which was there observed shall here also be kept. Only other proofs more pertinent to children’s place, shall be brought to confirm those general propositions which may be applied to any inferiors. Many general reasons there alleged for proof of the propositions shall here be omitted. Wherefore compare this place with that.
- 257. Treat. 3. §. 63, 64, etc‸. The extent of children’s obedience. [moved here by the editor]
Thus we ſee that parents authority is very large: there is no reſtraint of it but Gods contrary command, whereof a childe muſt be aſſured, if he refuſe to obey his parent in any thing.
Thus we see that parents authority is very large: there is no restraint of it but God’s contrary command, whereof a child must be assured, if he refuse to obey his parent in any thing.
It is not enough for a childe to ſay I haue thus long, and in thus many things obeyed my parent, I hope in ſome things if I haue mine owne will, I may be excuſed. No: All things compriſe more then many things. Wherefore Many are not enough. And though Gods will be exempted, yet is not thine owne will exempted: though thou maieſt doe nothing againſt Gods will, yet thou oughteſt to doe many things againſt thine owne will, if it be contrary to thy parents.
It is not enough for a child to say I have thus long, and in thus many things obeyed my parent, I hope in some things if I have mine own will, I may be excused. No: All things comprise more then many things. Wherefore Many are not enough. And though God’s will be exempted, yet is not thine own will exempted: though thou maiest do nothing against God’s will, yet thou oughtest to do many things against thine own will, if it be contrary to thy parents.
Two things are to be laboured after by children for attaining to this extent of obedience in all things.
Two things are to be laboured after by children for attaining to this extent of obedience in all things.
1. They muſt labour to bring their iudgement and will to the bent of their parents: to thinke that meet and conuenient for them to doe which their parents will haue them doe. Though Iſaak thought it ſomewhat ſtrange that he ſhould260 carry wood vp to an hill to offer ſacrifice where was nothing for a burnt offering, yet it being the will of his father that he p. 465 ſhould doe ſo, he thought it meet enough for him to doe ſo.
- 260. Gen. 22. 6, 7.
1. They must labour to bring their judgment and will to the bent of their parents: to think that meet and convenient for them to do which their parents will have them do. Though Isaac thought it somewhat strange that he should258 carry wood up to an hill to offer sacrifice where was nothing for a burnt offering, yet it being the will of his father that he should do so, he thought it meet enough for him to do so.
- 258. Gen‸ 22:‸6, 7.
This ſubiection of iudgement and will is to be yeelded in all the particular caſes of obedience which were261 before propounded, as in their calling, mariage, apparrell, allowance, &c. So as children are to thinke that kinde of calling, that particular match, that apparrell, and that allowance to be meeteſt for them, which their parents thinke meete.
- 261. §. 13. 14. &c.
This subjection of judgment and will is to be yielded in all the particular cases of obedience which were259 before propounded, as in their calling, marriage, apparel, allowance, etc‸. So as children are to think that kind of calling, that particular match, that apparel, and that allowance to be meetest for them, which their parents think meet.
- 259. §. 13. 14. etc‸.
Contrary is the ouerweining conceipt which many children263 haue of their owne iudgement and will, who thinke they can better diſcerne what is fit and meete for themſelues, then their parents. They imagine their parents to be too ſtrict and preciſe, or too ſuſpicious and iealous, or too couetous and worldly. This maketh them take what callings, what matches, what apparrell, what allowance they thinke beſt; whence many miſchiefes ariſe, which would all eaſily be auoided, if they would lay downe that preſumptuous conceit, and labour to obſerue the forenamed direction.
- 263. Childrens ouer-weining conceit of their owne iudgement aboue their parents, cauſeth much miſchiefe.
Contrary is the overweening conceit which many children261 have of their own judgment and will, who think they can better discern what is fit and meet for themselves, then their parents. They imagine their parents to be too strict and precise, or too suspicious and jealous, or too covetous and worldly. This maketh them take what callings, what matches, what apparel, what allowance they think best; whence many mischiefs arise, which would all easily be avoided, if they would lay down that presumptuous conceit, and labour to observe the forenamed direction.
- 261. Children’s over-weaning conceit of their own judgment above their parents, causeth much mischief.
§. 36. Of childrens yeelding to practiſe at their parents command, ſuch things as in their iudgements they cannot thinke very meet.
§. 36. Of children’s yielding to practise at their parents command, such things as in their judgments they cannot think very meet.
2. Though children cannot in their iudgements thinke that which their parents require to be the fitteſt and meeteſt, yet being preſſed thereto by the peremptory command of their parents, in practiſe they ought to yeeld vnto it, ſaying to their parents as Peter to the Lord, Neuertheleſſe at thy word I will doe this, Thus did264 Iaakob yeeld to Rebekah: he thought by doing that which his mother bid him, he ſhould ſeeme a mocker to his father, yet ſhe vrging him, he did it.
- 264. Gen. 27. 6. &c. [moved in the edition]
2. Though children cannot in their judgments think that which their parents require to be the fittest and meetest, yet being pressed thereto by the peremptory command of their parents, in practise they ought to yield unto it, saying to their parents as Peter to the Lord, Nevertheless at thy word I will do this. Thus did Jacob262 yield to Rebekah: he thought by doing that which his mother bid him, he should seem a mocker to his father, yet she urging him, he did it.
- 262. Gen‸ 27:‸6. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
Queſt.
Quest.
May not a childe, yeelding better reaſon then his parent, refuſe to doe what he thinketh vnmeet, or at leaſt forbeare to doe what he is commanded, till he be better informed of the meetneſſe thereof?
May not a child, yielding better reason then his parent, refuse to do what he thinketh unmeet, or at least forbear to do what he is commanded, till he be better informed of the meetness thereof?
Anſw. With reuerence and humility he may render his p. 466 reaſon why he thinketh it not meete, and deſire his parent not to vrge it vpon him.
Answ. With reverence and humility he may render his reason why he thinketh it not meet, and desire his parent not to urge it upon him.
(This did265 Iudah one of the ſonnes of Iaakob, and is not blamed for it:) and parents ought in ſuch a caſe to yeeld to their children (as266 Iaakob did.) But yet if in things indifferent, parents be otherwiſe minded then their children, and will haue their children yeeld to them, they muſt yeeld.
For, 1. In in different things the command of a parent is a warrant to the childe, by reaſon of this extent (all things:) ſo as the parent may ſinne in commanding that, in doing whereof the childe may not ſinne. Who can cleare Rebeckah of ſinne in commanding Iaakob to deceiue his father? yet I take it, that Iaakob cannot iuſtly be blamed for obeying.
For, 1. In indifferent things the command of a parent is a warrant to the child, by reason of this extent (all things:) so as the parent may sin in commanding that, in doing whereof the child may not sin. Who can clear Rebekah of sin in commanding Jacob to deceive his father? Yet I take it, that Jacob cannot justly be blamed for obeying.
2. Children doe thus manifeſt an high eſteeme of their parents, and very great reſpect towards them: they ſhew how deſirous they are to pleaſe them, and how fearefull to offend them. When the will of parent and childe conſent, there is no ſuch triall.
2. Children do thus manifest an high esteem of their parents, and very great respect towards them: they show how desirous they are to please them, and how fearful to offend them. When the will of parent and child consent, there is no such trial.
3. By this meanes peace and loue is better preſerued betwixt parent and childe: a parents anger is ſtopped, the effects thereof auoided, and many other miſchiefes preuented, which oft fall out when inferiours refuſe to yeeld to their ſuperiours who haue authority ouer them.
3. By this means peace and love is better preserved betwixt parent and child: a parents anger is stopped, the effects thereof avoided, and many other mischiefs prevented, which oft fall out when inferiors refuse to yield to their superiors who have authority over them.
Contrary is their prepoſterous peremptorines who will doe267 nothing againſt their own mind & will, though their parents require it neuer ſo much. This phraſe (268 If thou wilt not ſend, we will not goe downe) which Iudah vſed to his father, though in a good cauſe, was too peremptory for a childe. They who obſtinately refuſe to doe thoſe things which are againſt their owne minde, muſt needs come ſhort of this extent, Obey in all things. Yea they ſhew that what they doe is rather for their owne ſakes becauſe they like it, then for their parents ſake. What obedience then may that be thought to be? Yet this is all the obedience which many children will yeeld. If they thinke not that which their parents require to be meet, nor faire, nor foule meanes ſhall moue them to doe it; whereby many children doe much prouoke their parents. Let ſuch children know, that it is euery way more ſafe for them at the inſtant p. 467 command of their parent to doe that which they conceiue to be vnmeet, then peremptorily to diſobey their parents, which is more then vnmeet, euen vnlawfull.
Contrary is their preposterous peremptoriness who will do265 nothing against their own mind & will, though their parents require it never so much. This phrase266 (‸If thou wilt not send, we will not go down) which Judah used to his father, though in a good cause, was too peremptory for a child. They who obstinately refuse to do those things which are against their own mind, must needs come short of this extent, Obey in all things. Yea they show that what they do is rather for their own sakes because they like it, then for their parents sake. What obedience then may that be thought to be? Yet this is all the obedience which many children will yield. If they think not that which their parents require to be meet, nor fair, nor foul means shall move them to do it; whereby many children do much provoke their parents. Let such children know, that it is every way more safe for them at the instant command of their parent to do that which they conceive to be unmeet, then peremptorily to disobey their parents, which is more then unmeet, even unlawful.
§. 37. Of the reſtraint of childrens obedience.
§. 37. Of the restraint of children’s obedience.
The reſtraint of childrens obedience is expreſſed in this clauſe, in the Lord: which phraſe affordeth a neceſſary limitation269 in obeying their parents, who are but parents of our fleſh, men and women, ſubiect to erre in their commandements, and to require ſuch ſinfull things as their children may not with a good conſcience performe. The limitation then which the forenamed clauſe (in the Lord) affordeth, is this,
- 269. Heb. 12. 9. τῆς σαρκός.
The restraint of children’s obedience is expressed in this clause, in the Lord: which phrase affordeth a necessary limitation267 in obeying their parents, who are but parents of our flesh, men and women, subject to err in their commandments, and to require such sinful things as their children may not with a good conscience perform. The limitation then which the forenamed clause (in the Lord) affordeth, is this,
- 267. Heb‸ 12:‸9‸ τῆς σαρκός.
Children muſt performe no other obedience to their parents, then may ſtand with their obedience to God. The reaſons rendred by the Apoſtle proue as much: This is right, this is well pleaſing to270 the Lord. But to obey parents againſt the Lord is neither right nor wellpleaſing to the Lord.
- 270. Epheſ. 6. 1. Col. 3. 20.
Children must perform no other obedience to their parents, then may stand with their obedience to God. The reasons rendered by the Apostle prove as much: This is right, this is well pleasing to268 the Lord. But to obey parents against the Lord is neither right nor wellpleasing to the Lord.
- 268. Eph 6:‸1. Col‸ 3:‸20.
If therefore parents command their children to doe any thing272 which the Lord hath forbidden them, they ought not to doe it. On this ground did Michal well in ſuffering her husband Dauid to eſcape out of the handes of Saul her father. I iuſtifie not her manner of carying the matter, with vntruths, and falſe tales; but her refuſing to yeeld to her fathers minde and will is iuſtifiable, and that in two reſpects.
If therefore parents command their children to do any thing269 which the Lord hath forbidden them, they ought not to do it. On this ground did Michal well in suffering her husband David to escape out of the hands of Saul her father.270 I justify not her manner of carrying the matter, with untruths, and false tales; but her refusing to yield to her fathers mind and will is justifiable, and that in two respects.
Thus if a father command his childe to goe to Maſſe, to forſweare himſelfe, to marry an Idolater, to ſteale, to lie, or to p. 468 commit any other ſinne forbidden by God, the childe ought not to obey: thoſe things cannot be done in the Lord.
Thus if a father command his child to go to Mass, to forswear himself, to marry an Idolater, to steal, to lie, or to commit any other sin forbidden by God, the child ought not to obey: those things cannot be done in the Lord.
Againe if parents forbid their children the doing of any neceſſary duty commanded of God, the childe ought to doe it notwithſtanding the parents inhibition. We may well thinke that Ahaz who ſet himſelfe ſo violently to deface the holy things of God, to prophane his ordinances, and to ſhut vp the doores of Gods Houſe, gaue ſtrait charge to his ſonne that he275 ſhould not repaire them againe; yet Hezekiah ſo ſoone as he had power did repaire all.
- 275. 2 Chr. 29. 3. &c.
Again if parents forbid their children the doing of any necessary duty commanded of God, the child ought to do it notwithstanding the parents inhibition. We may well think that Ahaz who set himself so violently to deface the holy things of God, to profane his ordinances, and to shut up the doors of God’s house, gave strait charge to his son that he273 should not repair them again; yet Hezekiah so soon as he had power did repair all.
- 273. 2 Chr‸ 29:‸3. etc‸.
If a parent forbid his childe to goe to the Proteſtants Churches, to heare a Sermon, to pray in a knowne tongue, to giue iuſt weight, and meaſure, to ſpeake the truth when he is called to witneſſe it, with the like; he muſt be of Daniels minde,276 and notwithſtanding that prohibition, doe the things which God requireth.
- 276. Dan. 6. 10.
If a parent forbid his child to go to the Protestants Churches, to hear a Sermon, to pray in a known tongue, to give just weight, and measure, to speak the truth when he is called to witness it, with the like; he must be of Daniel’s mind,274 and notwithstanding that prohibition, do the things which God requireth.
- 274. Dan‸ 6:‸10.
§. 38. Of childrens ſinne in yeelding to their parents againſt God.
§. 38. Of children’s sin in yielding to their parents against God.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one ſide a flattering eie-ſeruice in many children, who care not what they doe, be277 it good or euill, lawfull or vnlawfull, ſo they may pleaſe their parents thereby: and on the other ſide a ſlauiſh fearefulneſſe,278 which maketh them ſo to dread their parents as they feare not God at all: they will rather chooſe to ſinne and ſo prouoke Gods wrath, then doe any thing whereby their parents wrath may be prouoked. It is a brand ſet vpon euill kings that they279 walked in the waies of their fathers, and mothers: and did wickedly280 as they counſelled them. Wherefore the following and obeying of their parents in euill was ſo farre from extenuating their ſinne, as it did rather aggrauate the ſame. The preferring of father and mother before the Lord Chriſt ſheweth that ſuch a childe is281 not worthy of Chriſt: In compariſon of Chriſt282 Father and mother muſt be hated. But that vndue and vnchriſtian-like reſpect of parents aboue Chriſt, is it that maketh ſo many young Papiſts, young ſwagerers, ſwearers,283 liars, deceitfull perſons, and lewd liuers.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one side a flattering eye-service in many children, who care not what they do, be275 it good or evil, lawful or unlawful, so they may please their parents thereby: and on the other side a slavish fearfulness,276 which maketh them so to dread their parents as they fear not God at all: they will rather choose to sin and so provoke God’s wrath, then do any thing whereby their parents wrath may be provoked. It is a brand set upon evil kings that they277 walked in the ways of their fathers, and mothers: and did wickedly278 as they counselled them. Wherefore the following and obeying of their parents in evil was so far from extenuating their sin, as it did rather aggravate the same. The preferring of father and mother before the Lord Christ showeth that such a child is not worthy of Christ:279 In comparison of Christ father and mother must be hated.280 But that undue and unchristian-like respect of parents above Christ, is it that maketh so many young Papists, young swaggerers, swearers,281 liars, deceitful persons, and lewd livers.
For auoiding the two forenamed extremes let thine heart be filled with a true feare of God, and withall conſider the difference p. 469 betwixt our earthly parents and our heauenly Father. They are but parents284 of our fleſh, he is the Father of ſpirits.285 They can but touch the body, he can caſt body and ſoule into hell. They are but a while ouer vs, he for euer. Their authority is ſubordinate to his, his ſupreme & abſolute of it ſelfe. They can giue but a light temporary reward; he, an eternall weight of glorie. They cannot ſhelter vs from his wrath, he can from theirs.
For avoiding the two forenamed extremes let thine heart be filled with a true fear of God, and withal consider the difference betwixt our earthly parents and our heavenly father. They are but parents of our flesh,282 he is the father of spirits.283 They can but touch the body, he can cast body and soul into hell. They are but a while over us, he for ever. Their authority is subordinate to his, his supreme & absolute of it self. They can give but a light temporary reward; he, an eternal weight of glory. They cannot shelter us from his wrath, he can from theirs.
Hitherto of ſuch duties of children as reſpect their parents authority, ſuch as reſpect their neceſſity follow.
Hitherto of such duties of children as respect their parents authority, such as respect their necessity follow.