Then & Now · Volume II · 5 of 18
Caring for Each Other’s Souls
Caring for Each Other’s Souls
§. 18. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prayers.
§. 18. Of husbands and wives mutual prayers.
The matter whereabout husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence ought to be conuerſant, is in generall the good of one another; that each of them doe that for the other, which Salomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not euill all342 the dayes of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his ſoule, bodie, good name, and goods.
- 342. Prou. 31. 12.
The matter whereabout husbands and wives mutual providence ought to be conversant, is in general the good of one another; that each of them do that for the other, which Solomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not evil all342 the days of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his soul, body, good name, and goods.
- 342. Prov‸ 31:‸12.
A generall dutie tending to the good of all theſe is prayer.343 S. Peter requireth ſuch a cariage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindred: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutuall dutie which one oweth to the other: which dutie Iſaak performed for his wife. Herein may344 man and wife be helpfull each to other in all things needfull to either of them: for it is the meanes which God in wiſdome345 hath ſanctified for the obtaining of euerie needfull bleſsing for ourſelues or others. By many it is counted but a ſlight dutie and of ſmall vſe; but the truth is, that to performe it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerfull in the effect. It is the beſt dutie that one can performe for another, and the leaſt to be neglected. We heard before, that Iſaak prayed for his wife: and to ſhew the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was intreated of him: ſo as ſhe, being346 barren before, by that meanes conceiued. All the phyſicke in the world could not haue done her ſo much good.347 Alwayes therefore,348 without ceasing is this dutie to be performed. Whenſoeuer man and wife make any prayer, therein they muſt be mindfull of one another: yea and oft muſt they of purpoſe take occaſion to make prayers in ſpeciall one for another: and that both in abſence, and alſo in preſence of one another.
A general duty tending to the good of all these is prayer.343 S. Peter requireth such a carriage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindered: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutual duty which one oweth to the other: which duty Isaac performed for his wife.344 Herein may man and wife be helpful each to other in all things needful to either of them: for it is the means which God in wisdom345 hath sanctified for the obtaining of every needful blessing for our selves or others. By many it is counted but a slight duty and of small use; but the truth is, that to perform it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerful in the effect. It is the best duty that one can perform for another, and the least to be neglected. We heard before, that Isaac prayed for his wife: and to show the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was entreated of him: so as she, being346 barren before, by that means conceived. All the physic in the world could not have done her so much good.347 Always therefore,348 without ceasing is this duty to be performed. Whensoever man and wife make any prayer, therein they must be mindful of one another: yea and oft must they of purpose take occasion to make prayers in special one for another: and that both in absence, and also in presence of one another.
This latter doth eſpecially concerne the husband, who is as a Prieſt vnto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands preſence when they two are alone, either for triall (that he may haue knowledge of her abilitie and gift in that kinde) or for helpe (if the wife be much better p. 236 able to performe that duty then the man is, as many wiues are.) Not without cauſe therefore haue I reckoned this among common mutuall duties.
This latter doth especially concern the husband, who is as a Priest unto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands presence when they two are alone, either for trial (that he may have knowledge of her ability and gift in that kind) or for help (if the wife be much better able to perform that duty then the man is, as many wives are.) Not without cause therefore have I reckoned this among common mutual duties.
§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wiues are to pray alone.
§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wives are to pray alone.
There are ſundry needfull bleſſings which husbands and wiues are to pray for that appertaine only to themſelues, and are moſt meet to be mentioned in priuate praier betwixt themſelues, as
There are sundry needful blessings which husbands and wives are to pray for that appertain only to themselves, and are most meet to be mentioned in private prayer betwixt themselves, as
1. That as they two are one fleſh, ſo they may be alſo one ſpirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, ſpirituall, matrimoniall loue: alwayes delighting one in another, euer helpfull one to another, and readie with all willingneſſe and cheerefulneſſe to performe all thoſe duties which they owe one to another.
1. That as they two are one flesh, so they may be also one spirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, spiritual, matrimonial love: always delighting one in another, ever helpful one to another, and ready with all willingness and cheerfulness to perform all those duties which they owe one to another.
2. That their mariage bed may be ſanctified: and as it is by Gods ordinance, ſo it may remaine to them by their well vſing it, a bed vndefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutuall prayer in priuate betwixt man and wife is more needfull: and that ſo much the rather, becauſe of the naturall heat of luſt which is in moſt: which if it be not by prayer (the beſt meanes for that purpoſe) aſſwaged, it may proue a defilement349 of the vndefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, ſo this alſo is ſanctified by the word and praier. The word giueth a warrant and direction for the vſe of it: praier both ſeaſoneth it, and procureth a bleſſing vpon it.
- 349. Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud niſi quidam adulter vxoris eſt? Aug. ex Ambr. contr. Iulian. lib. 2.
2. That their marriage bed may be sanctified: and as it is by God’s ordinance, so it may remain to them by their well using it, a bed undefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutual prayer in private betwixt man and wife is more needful: and that so much the rather, because of the natural heat of lust which is in most: which if it be not by prayer (the best means for that purpose) assuaged, it may prove a defilement349 of the undefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, so this also is sanctified by the word and prayer. The word giveth a warrant and direction for the use of it: prayer both seasoneth it, and procureth a blessing upon it.
- 349. Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud nisi quidam adulter vxoris est? Aug. ex Ambr. contr. Iulian. lib. 2.
3. That they may haue children, and thoſe ſuch as may be heires of ſaluation, and liue in this world to their owne and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor ideots in vnderſtanding, nor monſters in bodily ſhape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their liues: which could not but be a griefe to their parents, and might alſo open the mouthes of the wicked againſt them.
3. That they may have children, and those such as may be heirs of salvation, and live in this world to their own and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor idiots in understanding, nor monsters in bodily shape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their lives: which could not but be a grief to their parents, and might also open the mouths of the wicked against them.
4. That God would giue them competencie of this worlds goods, and other good meanes well to nouriſh, nurture, and place forth their children: and a ſufficiencie for the maintenance p. 237 of their family, and of that eſtate wherein God ſetteth them.
4. That God would give them competency of this worlds goods, and other good means well to nourish, nurture, and place forth their children: and a sufficiency for the maintenance of their family, and of that estate wherein God setteth them.
5. That ſuch needfull gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and ſuch vices and infirmities as they are ſubiect vnto may be redreſſed.
5. That such needful gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and such vices and infirmities as they are subject unto may be redressed.
Theſe and many other like things giue occaſion to man and wife in ſpeciall manner to pray one for another, and one with another.
These and many other like things give occasion to man and wife in special manner to pray one for another, and one with another.
§. 20. Of husbands and wiues hatefull imprecations and wiſhes one againſt another.
§. 20. Of husbands and wives hateful imprecations and wishes one against another.
Contrary to that holy and heauenly dutie of praier are thoſe direfull and helliſh imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily doe paſſe out of the mouthes of many husbands and wiues againſt one another (and that many times for very light occaſions) curſing the day that euer they knew one another, and wiſhing that one of them had beene vnder the ground before they came together. Moſt odious are theſe and ſuch like execrations in any mans mouth, but more then moſt odious in the mouth of man and wife againſt one another.
Contrary to that holy and heavenly duty of prayer are those direful and hellish imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily do pass out of the mouths of many husbands and wives against one another (and that many times for very light occasions) cursing the day that ever they knew one another, and wishing that one of them had been under the ground before they came together. Most odious are these and such like execrations in any man’s mouth, but more then most odious in the mouth of man and wife against one another.
Many who for outward ſhame for beare to belch forth ſuch rotten ſtinking ſpeech, make ſmall conſcience of wiſhing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harſh, and a wife ſhrewiſh: or if through ſickneſſe, or any other like occaſion they ſeeme burdenſome each to other: or if any diſlike of one ariſe in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be ſet vpon others: or if the ſuruiuor be to carry away the goods and lands, their hearts will be filled with a thouſand wiſhes of one anothers death. Yea, many times ſuch as haue very good huſbands or wiues, without any ſhew of reaſon (only through an inward corrupton of their heart, and malicious inſtigation of Satan, not taking notice of their owne good) are ready to wiſh they were in heauen: making thereby a pretence of their eternall bliſſe to whom they ſo wiſh, whereas indeed their only deſire is to be looſed and freed from them. God oft meets with ſuch wicked wiſhers (whereby he ſheweth how hatefull ſuch wiſhes are to him) for ſometimes according to their wiſh he taketh away good husbands and wiues from thoſe that are euill: and when they are gone he maketh their loſſe to be ſo p. 238 ſenſibly felt, as thoſe vngodly wiſhers doe, (as we ſpeake) in euery veine of their heart repent them of their raſh wiſhes. Yea, to aggrauate their wretchedneſſe the more, he giueth them ſuch crabbed and peruerſe husbands and wiues in the roome and ſtead of thoſe good ones (for ſeldome comes a better) as they are forced with many deepe ſighs and groanes to wiſh (but all in vaine) their former wiues and husbands350 aliue againe, and ſo to verifie the prouerbe, A good thing is not ſo well diſcerned by enioying, as by wanting it. Sometimes againe God in anger croſſeth their wiſhes, and firſt taketh away the wiſhers of others death: or elſe prolongeth the life of both to351 their greater vexation.
Many who for outward shame forbear to belch forth such ‸rotten stinking speech, make small conscience of wishing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harsh, and a wife shrewish: or if through sickness, or any other like occasion they seem burdensome each to other: or if any dislike of one arise in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be set upon others: or if the survivor be to carry away the goods and lands, their hearts will be filled with a thousand wishes of one anothers death. Yea, many times such as have very good husbands or wives, without any show of reason (only through an inward corruption of their heart, and malicious instigation of Satan, not taking notice of their own good) are ready to wish they were in heaven: making thereby a pretence of their eternal bliss to whom they so wish, whereas indeed their only desire is to be loosed and freed from them. God oft meets with such wicked wishers (whereby he showeth how hateful such wishes are to him) for sometimes according to their wish he taketh away good husbands and wives from those that are evil: and when they are gone he maketh their loss to be so sensibly felt, as those ungodly wishers do, (as we speak) in every vein of their heart repent them of their rash wishes. Yea, to aggravate their wretchedness the more, he giveth them such crabbed and perverse husbands and wives in the room and stead of those good ones (for seldom comes a better) as they are forced with many deep sighs and groans to wish (but all in vain) their former wives and husbands350 alive again, and so to verify the proverb, A good thing is not so well discerned by enjoying, as by wanting it. Sometimes again God in anger crosseth their wishes, and first taketh away the wishers of others death: or else prolongeth the life of both to351 their greater vexation.
§. 21. Of husbands and wiues neglect of mutuall praier.
§. 21. Of husbands and wives neglect of mutual prayer.
The very neglect of mutuall prayer in husbands and wiues for each other is alſo a ſinne contrary to the forenamed dutie of praier: whereof if all that are guiltie were as well knowne to man as to God, how many vnkinde husbands and wiues careleſſe of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are thoſe husbands and wiues, that haue their ſeaſons to pray alone together one with another, if euer they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may ſeeme very kinde, and in the outward things of this world, very prouident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kinde, nor prouident. Heartie, feruent, frequent prayer is the greateſt token of kindneſſe, and beſt part of prouidence that can be.
The very neglect of mutual prayer in husbands and wives for each other is also a sin contrary to the forenamed duty of prayer: whereof if all that are guilty were as well known to man as to God, how many unkind husbands and wives careless of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are those husbands and wives, that have their seasons to pray alone together one with another, if ever they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may seem very kind, and in the outward things of this world, very provident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kind, nor provident. Hearty, fervent, frequent prayer is the greatest token of kindness, and best part of providence that can be.
§. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers ſaluation.
§. 22. Of husbands and wives mutual care for one anothers salvation.
From the generall dutie of praier which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wiues352 mutuall prouident care: and will firſt begin with that which is firſt to be ſought, the good of one anothers ſoule: which the Apoſtle intimateth to be a thing to be ſought after, where he ſaith,353 What knoweſt thou, ô wife, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thine husband, or what knoweſt thou, ô man, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thy wife?354 S. Peter enioyneth wiues to doe their endeuour to win their husbands: and355 S. Paul ſetteth before huſbands p. 239 the patterne of Chriſts loue, which had eſpeciall reſpect356 to the ſoule and the ſaluation thereof: ſo as this is a mutuall dutie appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he ſtileth them coheires of the grace of life.
From the general duty of prayer which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wives352 mutual provident care: and will first begin with that which is first to be sought, the good of one anothers soul: which the Apostle intimateth to be a thing to be sought after, where he saith, What knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt353 SAVE thine husband, or what knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt SAVE thy wife? S. Peter354 enjoineth wives to do their endeavour to win their husbands: and S. Paul355 setteth before husbands the pattern of Christ’s love, which had especial respect356 to the soul and the salvation thereof: so as this is a mutual duty appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he styleth them coheirs of the grace of life.
- 352. Admonendi sunt coniuges vt exhortantes inuicem saluent. Greg. in Past. part. 3. Adm. 28.
- 353. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
- 354. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
- 355. Eph 5:‸25. [moved here by the editor]
- 356. Of the particular duty of husbands in this respect, see Treat. 4. §. 47.
§. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.
§. 23. Of husbands and wives care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.
That the ſaluation of the ſoule may be the better effected, reſpect muſt be had to the preſent and particular eſtate of huſband or wife. If one be a beleeuer the other not, the beleeuer muſt vſe all the meanes that may be, to draw on the other alſo to beleeue. If both be beleeuers, their mutuall care muſt be to edifie one another in thier moſt holy faith.
That the salvation of the soul may be the better effected, respect must be had to the present and particular estate of husband or wife. If one be a believer the other not, the believer must use all the means that may be, to draw on the other also to believe. If both be believers, their mutual care must be to edify one another in their most holy faith.
For the firſt, it is the maine drift of S. Peters exhortation to358 beleeuing wiues, about their conuerſation, to draw on their vnbeleeuing husbands to the true faith. His phraſe (that they359 may be wonne or gained) as in generall it hath reſpect to their ſoules ſaluation, ſo in particular to their firſt conuerſion. Now if this dutie appertaine to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saniour. To this end doth S. Paul aduiſe beleeuing husbands and wiues that360 are maried to vnbeleeuers, to dwell with them.
For the first, it is the main drift of S. Peter’s exhortation to358 believing wives, about their conversation, to draw on their unbelieving husbands to the true faith. His phrase (that they359 may be won or gained) as in general it hath respect to their souls salvation, so in particular to their first conversion. Now if this duty appertain to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saviour. To this end doth S. Paul advise believing husbands and wives that360 are married to unbelievers, to dwell with them.
For what a wofull thing is it, that two which in this world361 are ſo neerely linked together as to make one fleſh, ſhould in the world to come be ſo farre ſeparated one from another, as heauen is from hell. This indeed ſhall ſo fall out in many: for Chriſt hath expreſly foretold it, that of two that were in one bed together (who are more fitly ſet forth vnder this phraſe then man and wife, who moſt vſually are ſtiled bedfellowes?) one ſhall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other ſhall be for ſaken or left to endleſſe and eaſeleſſe torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it ſhall fall out with many a couple, yet our care muſt be, and that with our vttermoſt power,362 to preuent it, as in our ſelues, ſo in our bedfellow.
For what a woeful thing is it, that two which in this world361 are so nearly linked together as to make one flesh, should in the world to come be so far separated one from another, as heaven is from hell. This indeed shall so fall out in many: for Christ hath expressly foretold it, that of two that were in one bed together (who are more fitly set forth under this phrase then man and wife, who most usually are styled bedfellows?) one shall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other shall be forsaken (‸or left to endless and easeless torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it shall fall out with many a couple, yet our care must be, and that with our uttermost power,362 to prevent it, as in our selves, so in our bedfellow.
If it pleaſe the Lord to giue ſuch a bleſſing to the endeuour p. 240 of an husband or wife, as to be a meanes of the conuerſion of their bedfellow, then will the partie conuerted both intirely loue the other, and alſo heartily bleſſe God (as there is iuſt cauſe) that euer they were ſo neerely linked together.
If it please the Lord to give such a blessing to the endeavour of an husband or wife, as to be a means of the conversion of their bedfellow, then will the party converted both entirely love the other, and also heartily bless God (as there is just cause) that ever they were so nearly linked together.
This dutie of winning one another, is to be applied to ſuch as are maried not only to plaine infidels, but alſo to Papiſts or other like Idolaters, to Atheiſts, or any other profane perſons, to heretiques, ſeparatiſts, ſchiſmatiques, or any that beleeue not aright.
This duty of winning one another, is to be applied to such as are married not only to plain infidels, but also to Papists or other like Idolaters, to Atheists, or any other profane persons, to heretics, separatists, schismatics, or any that believe not aright.
§. 24. Of husbands and wiues edifying one another.
§. 24. Of husbands and wives edifying one another.
The ſecond dutie tending to the ſoules ſaluation is, that two beleeuers being maried together, they endeuour mutually to build vp one another more and more.363 One Chriſtian oweth this dutie to another: much more man and wife.364 Take heed (ſaith the Apoſtle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.
The second duty tending to the souls salvation is, that two believers being married together, they endeavour mutually to build up one another more and more.363 One Christian oweth this duty to another: much more man and wife. Take heed364 (saith the Apostle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.
A ſpirituall edifying of one another is the beſt vſe which365 we can make (and ought to make) of thoſe366 ioynts and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By vertue of them367 the body (namely the myſticall body of Chriſt) receiueth increaſe to the edifying of it ſelfe, and368 increaſeth with the increaſe of God. Now the bond of mariage being of all other the firmeſt, and that whereby we are neereſt knit together, by vertue of what bond ſhould we edifie one another, if not by vertue of the mariage bond?
A spiritual edifying of one another is the best use which365 we can make (and ought to make) of those joints366 and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By virtue of them the body367 (namely the mystical body of Christ) receiveth increase to the edifying of it self, and increaseth with the increase of God.368 Now the bond of marriage being of all other the firmest, and that whereby we are nearest knit together, by virtue of what bond should we edify one another, if not by virtue of the marriage bond?
§. 25. Of husbands and wiues hindering ſinne one in another.
§. 25. Of husbands and wives hindering sin one in another.
Two things are requiſite vnto ſpirituall edification.
Two things are requisite unto spiritual edification.
One reſpecteth the hinderances of growth in grace.
One respecteth the hindrances of growth in grace.
The other the helpes thereof.
The other the helps thereof.
The hinderances of grace are all manner of ſinnes. Sinne to grace is as water to fire: it ſlaketh the heat of it, and if without hoe it be powred on it, it will cleane put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutuall care in husbands and wiues, both to preuent ſinne before it be committed, and alſo to make what redreſſe they can after it is committed.
The hindrances of grace are all manner of sins. Sin to grace is as water to fire: it slaketh the heat of it, and if without ho it be poured on it, it will clean put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutual care in husbands and wives, both to prevent sin before it be committed, and also to make what redress they can after it is committed.
That it is a mutuall dutie for husbands and wiues ſo much369 as they can, to preuent ſinne one in another is euident, by that reaſon which the Apoſtle vſeth, to keepe them from defrauding p. 241 one another, in theſe words, that Satan tempt you not.370 For out of the ſcope and matter of thoſe words, this generall doctrine may be gathered, Husbands and wiues ought to be carefull to keepe one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from ſinne, whereunto all his temptations tend.371 Rebekah performed the dutie of a good wife in keeping Iſaak from bleſſing Eſau: which if he had done, he had ſinned againſt372 Gods expreſſe word. Though ſhe failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.
That it is a mutual duty for husbands and wives so much369 as they can, to prevent sin one in another is evident, by that reason which the Apostle useth, to keep them from defrauding one another, in these words, that Satan tempt you not.370 For out of the scope and matter of those words, this general doctrine may be gathered, husbands and wives ought to be careful to keep one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from sin, whereunto all his temptations tend. Rebekah371 performed the duty of a good wife in keeping Isaac from blessing Esau: which if he had done, he had sinned against372 God’s express word. Though she failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.
As that loue they owe one to another, ſo that care which they373 ought to haue of themſelues requireth as much, for ſinne prouoketh Gods wrath, his wrath ſendeth downe vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miſſe the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reaſon of their neere vnion: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and euen afflict the partie that eſcapeth. The wiues of thoſe rebells who were374 ſwallowed vp quicke in the wilderneſſe, periſhed in like manner with their husbands. For they who are ſo neere as husbands and wiues, and doe not what they can to preuent one anothers ſinnes, make themſelues acceſſary thereto.
As that love they owe one to another, so that care which they373 ought to have of themselves requireth as much, for sin provoketh God’s wrath, his wrath sendeth down vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miss the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reason of their near union: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and even afflict the party that escapeth. The wives of those rebels who were374 swallowed up quick in the wilderness, perished in like manner with their husbands. For they who are so near as husbands and wives, and do not what they can to prevent one anothers sins, make themselves accessary thereto.
For the better effecting of this dutie, husbands and wiues375 muſt be watchfull ouer one another, and obſerue what ſinnes either of them are giuen vnto, or what occaſions are offered to draw either of them into ſinne. If either of them be cholericke or prone to be angry on a ſudden, the other muſt endeuour to take away all occaſions of offence: and if both ſhould be teſtie and haſtie to wrath, when the one ſeeth the other firſt moued, the partie whoſe paſſion is not yet ſtirred, ought the rather to be ſetled and compoſed to all meekneſſe and patience, leſt, if both together be prouoked, the whole houſhold be ſet on fire. If either of them be giuen to drunkenneſſe, couetouſneſſe, or any other ſinne, the other ought by wiſe and gentle perſwaſions to keepe them (as much as they can) from thoſe ſinnes. Yea they may alſo get others, that are diſcreet and able, to diſſwade them: or vſe what other good meanes they can to that purpoſe.
- 375. Direction for preuenting ſinne.
For the better effecting of this duty, husbands and wives375 must be watchful over one another, and observe what sins either of them are given unto, or what occasions are offered to draw either of them into sin. If either of them be choleric or prone to be angry on a sudden, the other must endeavour to take away all occasions of offence: and if both should be testy and hasty to wrath, when the one seeth the other first moved, the party whose passion is not yet stirred, ought the rather to be settled and composed to all meekness and patience, lest, if both together be provoked, the whole household be set on fire. If either of them be given to drunkenness, covetousness, or any other sin, the other ought by wise and gentle persuasions to keep them (as much as they can) from those sins. Yea they may also get others, that are discreet and able, to dissuade them: or use what other good means they can to that purpose.
- 375. Direction for preventing sin.
§. 26. Of husbands and wiues redreſſing ſinne in one another.
§. 26. Of husbands and wives redressing sin in one another.
When either husband or wife is fallen into any ſinne, a mutuall dutie it is for the other, to vſe what redreſſe may be of that ſinne: as if one of them were wounded, the other muſt take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail performed376 her dutie in this kinde, when, after ſhe had heard what churliſh entertainment her husband gaue to Dauids ſeruants, ſhe haſtened to carry ſtore of prouiſion to Dauid, and humbled her ſelfe before him, and ſo moued Dauid to aſſwage his wrath: yea ſhe tooke a ſeaſonable time alſo to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himſelfe thereby.
- 376. 1 Sam. 25. [moved in the edition]
When either husband or wife is fallen into any sin, a mutual duty it is for the other, to use what redress may be of that sin: as if one of them were wounded, the other must take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail376 performed her duty in this kind, when, after she had heard what churlish entertainment her husband gave to David’s servants, she hastened to carry store of provision to David, and humbled her self before him, and so moved David to assuage his wrath: yea she took a seasonable time also to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himself thereby.
- 376. 1 Sam‸ 25. [moved here by the editor]
More directly, and with better ſucceſſe did Iaakob redreſſe the ſuperſtition, or rather Idolatrie of his wife Rachel, as may
More directly, and with better success did Jacob redress the superstition, or rather Idolatry of his wife Rachel, as may
be gathered by comparing Gen. 31. 19, 34
Gen. 35. 2, 4.
be gathered by comparing Gen‸ 31:‸19, 34 with Genesis 35:‸2, 4.
Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother (ſaith the law) and ſuffer378 ſinne to lie on him. To doe this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband ſhould ſee his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their beſt helpe to pull them out, might they not iuſtly be thought to hate them? But ſinne is as fire and water, which will burne and drowne men in perdition.
- 378. It is a branch of hatred to ſuffer ſin to lie on any.
Thou shalt not hate thy brother (saith the law) and suffer378 sin to lie on him. To do this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband should see his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their best help to pull them out, might they not justly be thought to hate them? But sin is as fire and water, which will burn and drown men in perdition.
- 378. It is a branch of hatred to suffer sin to lie on any.
§. 27. Of husbands and wiues helping forward the growth of grace in each other.
§. 27. Of husbands and wives helping forward the growth of grace in each other.
Hitherto of preuenting, and redreſſing hinderances of grace. Hereunto muſt be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife muſt mutually endeuour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his380 wiues along with himſelfe vnto the Tabernacle of the Lord yeere by yeere, ſheweth that his deſire was to vphold them in the feare of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he vſed to beſtow on them, implie the care that he had to p. 243 encourage them to hold on in ſeruing the Lord. It was without queſtion the maine end which the Shunamite aimed at in381 prouiding lodging for the Prophet, that both ſhe and her huſband might be built vp in Grace.
Hitherto of preventing, and redressing hindrances of grace. Hereunto must be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife must mutually endeavour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his380 wives along with himself unto the Tabernacle of the Lord year by year, showeth that his desire was to uphold them in the fear of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he used to bestow on them, imply the care that he had to encourage them to hold on in serving the Lord. It was without question the main end which the Shunamite aimed at in381 providing lodging for the Prophet, that both she and her husband might be built up in Grace.
1. By taking notice of the beginning, and leaſt meaſure of Grace: and approuing the ſame.
1. By taking notice of the beginning, and least measure of Grace: and approving the same.
2. By frequent conference about ſuch things as concerne the ſame: mutually propounding queſtions one to another thereabouts, and anſwering the ſame.
2. By frequent conference about such things as concern the same: mutually propounding questions one to another thereabouts, and answering the same.
3. By their mutuall practiſe and example: making themſelues each to other a patterne of pietie.
3. By their mutual practise and example: making themselves each to other a pattern of piety.
4. By performing exerciſes of religion, as praying, ſinging pſalmes, reading the word, and the like together.
4. By performing exercises of religion, as praying, singing psalms, reading the word, and the like together.
5. By maintaining holy and religious exerciſes in the familie.383 Though this dutie eſpecially appertaine to the husband, yet the wife muſt put her husband in minde thereof, if he forget it; and ſtirre him vp, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 King. 4. 9, 10. No mans perſwaſion in this kinde, can ſo much preuaile with a man as his wiues.
- 383. Nemo magiſter ita perſuadere poterit quemadmodum vxor. Chryſ. hom. 19. 1 Cor. 7.
5. By maintaining holy and religious exercises in the family.383 Though this duty especially appertain to the husband, yet the wife must put her husband in mind thereof, if he forget it; and stir him up, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 Kgs 4:‸9, 10. No man’s persuasion in this kind, can so much prevail with a man as his wives.
- 383. Nemo magister ita persuadere poterit quemadmodum vxor. Chrys. hom. 19. 1 Cor‸ 7.
Great need there is, that husbands and wiues ſhould endeuour to helpe forward the growth of grace in each other, becauſe we are all ſo prone to fall away and wax cold, euen as385 water if the fire goe out, and more fewell be not put vnder.386 And of all other, husbands and wiues may be moſt helpfull herein, becauſe they can ſooneſt eſpie the beginning of decay by reaſon of their neere, and continuall familiaritie together.
Great need there is, that husbands and wives should endeavour to help forward the growth of grace in each other, because we are all so prone to fall away and wax cold, even as385 water if the fire go out, and more fuel be not put under.386 And of all other, husbands and wives may be most helpful herein, because they can soonest espy the beginning of decay by reason of their near, and continual familiarity together.
§. 28. Of the ſinnes of husbands and wiues contrary to a mutuall care of one anothers ſaluation.
§. 28. Of the sins of husbands and wives contrary to a mutual care of one anothers salvation.
The vices contrary to that generall mutuall dutie of huſbands and wiues in procuring the Saluation of one another, and to the particular branches compriſed vnder it, are many: As
The vices contrary to that general mutual duty of husbands and wives in procuring the Salvation of one another, and to the particular branches comprised under it, are many: As
1. A careleſſe neglect thereof: when as husbands and wiues387 ſo minde earthly things, as they thinke it enough if they be prouident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof p. 244 moſt that liue in this earth are guiltie: and among others, euen many of them who haue the name of very good and kinde husbands and wiues. But whatſoeuer the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they faile in this point, they goe no further then the very heathen haue done, and their kindneſſe may be as the apes kindneſſe, which cauſeth death.
- 387. 1. Care only for temporall things.
1. A careless neglect thereof: when as husbands and wives387 so mind earthly things, as they think it enough if they be provident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof most that live in this earth are guilty: and among others, even many of them who have the name of very good and kind husbands and wives. But whatsoever the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they fail in this point, they go no further then the very heathen have done, and their kindness may be as the apes kindness, which causeth death.
- 387. 1. Care only for temporal things.
2. The vnworthy walking, and vnchriſtian cariage of a beleeuer388 that is maried to one that beleeueth not: hereby the vnbeleeuer is kept off from embracing the Goſpell, and made the more to diſlike and deteſt it. If a popiſh or profane husband be maried to a wife that maketh profeſſion of the truth of the Goſpell, and ſhe be ſtout, proud, wanton, waſpiſh, waſtefull, or giuen to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inueigh againſt the religion ſhe profeſſeth, and vtterly proteſt againſt it? So alſo a popiſh or profane wife, if ſhe be maried to ſuch an husband.
- 388. 2. Vnworthy walking.
2. The unworthy walking, and unchristian carriage of a believer388 that is married to one that believeth not: hereby the unbeliever is kept off from embracing the Gospel, and made the more to dislike and detest it. If a popish or profane husband be married to a wife that maketh profession of the truth of the Gospel, and she be stout, proud, wanton, waspish, wasteful, or given to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inveigh against the religion she professeth, and utterly protest against it? So also a popish or profane wife, if she be married to such an husband.
- 388. 2. Unworthy walking.
3. Negligence in obſeruing one anothers diſpoſition or conuerſation:389 whereby it commeth to paſſe that they keepe not backe, nor reſtraine one another from running into any ſinne: but proue ſuch husbands and wiues one to another as Eli proued a father to his ſonnes: whence it fell out, that Gods ſeuere vengeance fell vpon the necke of the one, and of the other. Pilats wife though an heatheniſh woman, ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt many ſuch wiues, for ſhe did what ſhe could to keepe390 her husband from ſhedding innocent bloud.
3. Negligence in observing one anothers disposition or conversation:389 whereby it cometh to pass that they keep not back, nor restrain one another from running into any sin: but prove such husbands and wives one to another as Eli proved a father to his sons: whence it fell out, that God’s severe vengeance fell upon the neck of the one, and of the other. Pilate’s wife though an heathenish woman, shall rise up in judgment against many such wives, for she did what she could to keep390 her husband from shedding innocent blood.
4. Acomplement all ſoothing of one anothers humour, and ſeeking391 mutually to pleaſe one another in all things, without reſpect of good or euill. Such as theſe the Scripture termeth392 men-pleaſers. Hence it commeth to paſſe that husbands and wiues are ſo farre from drawing one another from ſinne, that the better rather yeelds vnto the worſe, and both runne into393 euill, as Adam was perſwaded by his wife to tranſgreſſe againſt Gods expreſſe charge: and wiſe Salomon was drawne by his wiues vnto Idolatrie, 1 King. 11. 4. and Sapphira conſented to the ſacriledge of Ananias her husband, Act. 5. 2.
4. A complemental soothing of one anothers humour, and seeking391 mutually to please one another in all things, without respect of good or evil. Such as these the Scripture termeth392 men-pleasers. Hence it cometh to pass that husbands and wives are so far from drawing one another from sin, that the better rather yields unto the worse, and both run into393 evil, as Adam was persuaded by his wife to transgress against God’s express charge: and wise Solomon was drawn by his wives unto Idolatry, 1 Kgs 11:‸4. And Sapphira consented to the sacrilege of Ananias her husband, Acts 5:‸2.
5. An vndue feare of offending one another by Chriſtian inſtruction,394 admonition, reproofe, and the like. Many who are oft p. 245 moued in conſcience to make knowne to their husbands and wiues the ſinnes wherein they liue, and the danger wherein they lie by reaſon thereof, doe notwithſtanding through careleſſe and cauſeleſſe feare, refraine and forbeare to doe ſo.
- 394. 5. Vndue feare of offence.
5. An undue fear of offending one another by Christian instruction,394 admonition, reproof, and the like. Many who are oft moved in conscience to make known to their husbands and wives the sins wherein they live, and the danger wherein they lie by reason thereof, do notwithstanding through careless and causeless fear, refrain and forbear to do so.
- 394. 5. Undue fear of offence.
6. An impious, and enuious diſpoſition, whereby many huſbands395 and wiues are moued to mocke, and ſcoffe at that holy zeale, and forwardneſſe which they obſerue in their bedfellowes: as Michal who reſembled Dauid to a foole, or396 vaine-fellow, becauſe he manifeſted his zeale by dancing before the Arke. Thus doe many nip the worke of the ſpirit in the very bud, and cauſe grace ſoone to wither. But curſed be that husband, or wife, that thus peruerteth the maine end of their neere coniunction.
6. An impious, and envious disposition, whereby many husbands395 and wives are moved to mock, and scoff at that holy zeal, and forwardness which they observe in their bedfellows: as Michal who resembled David to a fool, or396 vain-fellow, because he manifested his zeal by dancing before the Ark. Thus do many nip the work of the spirit in the very bud, and cause grace soon to wither. But cursed be that husband, or wife, that thus perverteth the main end of their near conjunction.