Then & Now · Volume II · 6 of 18
Guarding Each Other’s Health, Reputation, and Property
Guarding Each Other’s Health, Reputation, and Property
§. 29. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care ouer one anothers body.
§. 29. Of husbands and wives mutual care over one anothers body.
After the good of the ſoule followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife muſt ſhew their prouident care each ouer other: and doe what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers perſon, and to nouriſh and cheriſh one anothers body. This dutie the Apoſtle layeth down vnder the compariſon of a body which he calleth fleſh, ſaying,397 No man hateth his owne fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it: now man and wife are398 one fleſh. This dutie the Apoſtle in particular applieth to husbands. At the firſt inſtitution of mariage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be399 an helpe meet for man: ſo as it is a mutuall dutie appertaining to both. It ſeemeth that400 Rebecha was ſo carefull of Iſaak in this reſpect, that ſhe could readily make ſauory meat for him, ſuch as he loued.
After the good of the soul followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife must show their provident care each over other: and do what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers person, and to nourish and cherish one anothers body. This duty the Apostle layeth down under the comparison of a body which he calleth flesh, saying, No man hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it:397 now man and wife are one flesh.398 This duty the Apostle in particular applieth to husbands. At the first institution of marriage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be an help meet for man:399 so as it is a mutual duty appertaining to both. It seemeth that Rebekah400 was so careful of Isaac in this respect, that she could readily make savoury meat for him, such as he loved.
This dutie extendeth it ſelfe to all eſtates both of proſperity and aduerſity, of health and ſickneſſe: for ſo much doe they mutually couenant and promiſe when they are firſt ioyned together in mariage, I take thee (ſaith each to other) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer, in ſickneſſe and in health to loue and to cheriſh. Wherefore they ought mutually both to reioyce in the well-fare of one another, and alſo in all diſtreſſe to ſuccour and comfort each other, putting their ſhoulders vnder one anothers burden, and helping to eaſe one another p. 246 as much as they can. That which Salomon ſaid of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this caſe to husband and wife, a friend loueth at all times, and a brother is borne for aduerſity,401 that is, a truſty and faithfull friend is conſtant in his goodwill, and ready to performe all duties, of kindneſſe at any time, whether it be proſperity or aduerſity: the change of outward eſtate maketh no alteration in his louing affection and friendly cariage: yea he ſeemeth to be as it were borne and brought forth againſt the time of trouble and affliction, becauſe then is his prouident care and tender affection moſt manifeſted. Of all friends none ought to be more carefull, none more faithfull one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to loue at all times, and if any triall come to either of them, the other ſo to carrie himſelfe, as it may be truly ſaid they were ioyned together for aduerſity?
- 401. Pro. 17. 17.
This duty extendeth it self to all estates both of prosperity and adversity, of health and sickness: for so much do they mutually covenant and promise when they are first joined together in marriage, I take thee (saith each to other) for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish. Wherefore they ought mutually both to rejoice in the well-fare of one another, and also in all distress to succour and comfort each other, putting their shoulders under one anothers burden, and helping to ease one another as much as they can. That which Solomon said of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this case to husband and wife, a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,401 that is, a trusty and faithful friend is constant in his goodwill, and ready to perform all duties, of kindness at any time, whether it be prosperity or adversity: the change of outward estate maketh no alteration in his loving affection and friendly carriage: yea he seemeth to be as it were born and brought forth against the time of trouble and affliction, because then is his provident care and tender affection most manifested. Of all friends none ought to be more careful, none more faithful one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to love at all times, and if any trial come to either of them, the other so to carry himself, as it may be truly said they were joined together for adversity?
- 401. Prov 17:‸17. ‸
Thus ſhall they verifie the truth of that whereby God was moued to creare of mankinde male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone, but that it was rather good,402 that is, needfull, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which reſpect the wiſe-man ſaith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and by the rule of403 relation we may inferre, ſhe that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.
Thus shall they verify the truth of that whereby God was moved to create of mankind male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone,402 but that it was rather good, that is, needful, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which respect the wise-man saith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing;403 and by the rule of relation we may infer, she that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.
§. 30. Of husbands and wiues backwandneſſe to helpe one another in time of need.
§. 30. Of husbands and wives backwardness to help one another in time of need.
Contrary to this duty is a certaine vnnaturall affection in ſundry husbands and wiues, who much grudge to prouide the things that are needfull for one another. The man commonly thinkes the charge too great, the woman thinkes the paines too much: they are affected one to another as if they were meere ſtrangers: nay many ſtrangers will be more ready to performe, and more cheerefull in performing needfull duties (as occaſion is offered) then ſuch vnnaturall husbands and wiues. If a little ſickneſſe, or other like croſſe fall on one of them, the other thinkes, neuer any had ſuch a burden; and by their diſcontent make the burden much more heauy then otherwiſe it would be: euen as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth backe, the draught is made much p. 247 harder to the other. Thus doe they peruert one of the principall ends of mariage, which is to be a continuall comfort and404 helpe each to other, and to eaſe the burdens of one another: in which reſpect they are made yoke-fellowes. Iobs wife by her vnnaturall cariage towards him in his affliction405 did much aggrauate his miſery: when he ſtood in moſt need of her helpe, ſhe afforded leaſt vnto him: it appeares by Iobs complaint of her, in theſe words, my breath is ſtrange to406 my wife, that ſhe altogether neglected him in his miſery. The common ſpeech of many after their husband or wife hauing long lien ſicke is departed, bewrayeth their vnnaturall affection: their ſpeech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died ſo much ſooner I had ſaued ſo much mony. What doth this intimate but that they could haue beene contented their husband (or wife) ſhould haue died ſooner that they might haue ſpared the more.
Contrary to this duty is a certain unnatural affection in sundry husbands and wives, who much grudge to provide the things that are needful for one another. The man commonly thinks the charge too great, the woman thinks the pains too much: they are affected one to another as if they were mere strangers: nay many strangers will be more ready to perform, and more cheerful in performing needful duties (as occasion is offered) then such unnatural husbands and wives. If a little sickness, or other like cross fall on one of them, the other thinks, never any had such a burden; and by their discontent make the burden much more heavy then otherwise it would be: even as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth back, the draught is made much harder to the other. Thus do they pervert one of the principal ends of marriage, which is to be a continual comfort and404 help each to other, and to ease the burdens of one another: in which respect they are made yoke-fellows. Job’s wife405 by her unnatural carriage towards him in his affliction did much aggravate his misery: when he stood in most need of her help, she afforded least unto him: it appears by Job’s complaint of her, in these words, my breath is strange to406 my wife, that she altogether neglected him in his misery. The common speech of many after their husband or wife having long lien sick is departed, bewrayeth their unnatural affection: their speech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died so much sooner I had saved so much money. What doth this intimate but that they could have been contented their husband (or wife) should have died sooner that they might have spared the more.
§. 31. Of Husbands and Wiues mutuall reſpect of one anothers good name.
§. 31. Of Husbands and Wives mutual respect of one anothers good name.
The prouident care of husbands and wiues ought further to extend it ſelfe to the credit and good name of one another. As deare ought the good name of the wife be vnto the huſband, and of the husband to the wife, as their owne.407 The great regard that Ioſeph had of the credit of Marie his eſpouſed wife, made him thinke of putting her away priuily when he obſerued her to be with childe and knew not of whom: for he was not willing408 to make her a publike example. The same reſpect moued409 Bethſheba to ſend ſecretly to Dauid, and tell him that ſhe was with childe. The commendation which he good husband (410 noted by Salomon) giueth of his wife being approued by the holy Ghoſt, ſheweth how man and wife ouaght in that reſpect to honour each other: and that on good grounds. For
The provident care of husbands and wives ought further to extend it self to the credit and good name of one another. As dear ought the good name of the wife be unto the husband, and of the husband to the wife, as their own.407 The great regard that Joseph had of the credit of Mary his espoused wife, made him think of putting her away privily when he observed her to be with child and knew not of whom: for he was not willing to make her a public example.408 The same respect moved Bathsheba409 to send secretly to David, and tell him that she was with child. The commendation which the good husband410 (‸noted by Solomon) giveth of his wife being approved by the Holy Ghost, showeth how man and wife ought in that respect to honour each other: and that on good grounds. For
2. So neerely are husbands and wiues ioyned together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour p. 248 and credit of the other; ſo that herein they ſeeke their owne honour alſo.
2. So nearly are husbands and wives joined together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour and credit of the other; so that herein they seek their own honour also.
§. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others diſcredit.
§. 32. Of husbands and wives preventing each others discredit.
For the better performing of it, care muſt be had both to preuent and redreſſe an ill name, and alſo to procure and preſerue a goodname.
For the better performing of it, care must be had both to prevent and redress an ill name, and also to procure and preserve a good name.
For the firſt, husbands and wiues may in no caſe delight to416 diſcouer vnto others, and ſpread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the diſcredit of either of them: but rather couer and conceale them as much as they may with a good conſcience. It is expreſſed that417 Ioſeph being a iuſt man laboured to conceale that blemiſh which he imagined to be in his wife, ſo as this may ſtand with iuſtice: yea alſo it is a part of Ioue, for418 loue couereth a multitude of ſinnes.
For the first, husbands and wives may in no case delight to416 discover unto others, and spread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the discredit of either of them: but rather cover and conceal them as much as they may with a good conscience. It is expressed that Joseph being a just man417 laboured to conceal that blemish which he imagined to be in his wife, so as this may stand with justice: yea also it is a part of love, for love covereth a multitude of sins.418
For the ſecond, husbands and wiues muſt not haue their419 eares wide opened to heare euery tale and report that ſhall be brought to one againſt the other, but rather ſhew themſelues diſpleaſed and offended with them that are ready to relate things of euill report. If an husband or wife manifeſt a willingneſſe to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the deuill will ſtirre vp inſtruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and thoſe for the moſt part both friuolous and forged: not only ſtrangers, but children, ſeruants, and they which are of the ſame family will euer be telling ſome tale or other, to currie fauour, as we ſpeake. But an vtter diſlike of ſuch flattering tale-bearers, will take away occaſion from them of telling vntrue, or ſlight reports.
- 419. 2. By cloſing eares againſt ill reports.
For the second, husbands and wives must not have their419 ears wide opened to hear every tale and report that shall be brought to one against the other, but rather show themselves displeased and offended with them that are ready to relate things of evil report. If an husband or wife manifest a willingness to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the devil will stir up instruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and those for the most part both frivolous and forged: not only strangers, but children, servants, and they which are of the same family will ever be telling some tale or other, to curry favour, as we speak. But an utter dislike of such flattering tale-bearers, will take away occasion from them of telling untrue, or slight reports.
- 419. 2. By closing ears against ill reports.
For the third, the iudgement and cenſure which husbands420 and wiues giue one of another muſt either be very charitable, p. 249 or verie ſparing. If one heare reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be ouer-headie or haſtie to iudge and condemne, no though they thinke they ſee ſome euidence thereof, but rather ſuſpend their iudgement. This ſeemeth to be the minde of Ioſeph: though he obſerued Marie to be with421 childe, yet would he not preſently iudge her to be a notorious adultereſſe, or condemne her for an hypocrite, vnworthie to liue, and therefore would not make her a publike example.
For the third, the judgment and censure which husbands420 and wives give one of another must either be very charitable, or very sparing. If one hear reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be over-heady or hasty to judge and condemn, no though they think they see some evidence thereof, but rather suspend their judgment. This seemeth to be the mind of Joseph: though he observed Mary to be with421 child, yet would he not presently judge her to be a notorious adulteress, or condemn her for an hypocrite, unworthy to live, and therefore would not make her a public example.
In briefe, that husbands and wiues may be the more ſparing in cenſuring one another, they muſt not raſhly beleeue any euill report of one another, but rather ſuppreſſe all light ſuſpitions as much as they can.
In brief, that husbands and wives may be the more sparing in censuring one another, they must not rashly believe any evil report of one another, but rather suppress all light suspicions as much as they can.
That the iudgement which they giue one of another, may be charitable, in iudging they muſt well obſerue the properties of loue, which are 1. To interpret doubtfull things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, ſo farre as truth and iuſtice will ſuffer, the faults which are euident. Michal offended againſt422 the firſt in an high degree, and was curſed. Abigail obſerued423 the latter, and was bleſſed.
That the judgment which they give one of another, may be charitable, in judging they must well observe the properties of love, which are 1. To interpret doubtful things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, so far as truth and justice will suffer, the faults which are evident. Michal422 offended against the first in an high degree, and was cursed. Abigail423 observed the latter, and was blessed.
§. 33. Of the wiſdome of husbands and wiues, in redreſſing one anothers ill name.
§. 33. Of the wisdom of husbands and wives, in redressing one anothers ill name.
To redreſſe an ill name, husbands and wiues muſt firſt giue one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeuour424 to worke in them both a ſight, and alſo a ſenſe of thoſe euils which are in the mouths of others: after notice giuen, they muſt labour to bring them to repentance of thoſe ſinnes, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifeſtation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conſcionable practiſe of ſuch vettues as are cleane contrarie to the vices for which they were euill ſpoken of. It may with good probabilitie be gathered out of the hiſtorie of the Leuite, whoſe wife plaid the whore, that thus he425 dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeuoured to deale with her husband.426
To redress an ill name, husbands and wives must first give one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeavour424 to work in them both a sight, and also a sense of those evils which are in the mouths of others: after notice given, they must labour to bring them to repentance of those sins, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifestation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conscionable practise of such virtues as are clean contrary to the vices for which they were evil spoken of. It may with good probability be gathered out of the history of the Levite,425 whose wife played the whore, that thus he dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeavoured to deal with her husband.426
§. 34. Of husbands and wiues care in procuring one anothers good name.
§. 34. Of husbands and wives care in procuring one anothers good name.
To procure a good report, husbands and wiues muſt427 Firſt, take notice of the good qualities which are in one p. 250 another, and as one hath occaſion to ſpeake of the other, to make thoſe good qualities the ſubiect of their ſpeech: as we428 heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is deſcribed by Salomon.
To procure a good report, husbands and wives must427 First, take notice of the good qualities which are in one another, and as one hath occasion to speak of the other, to make those good qualities the subject of their speech: as we428 heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is described by Solomon.
Secondly, they muſt lend a willing and ioyfull eare to ſuch as ſhall (ſo farre as they can conceiue) truly and vnfainedly, without flatterie or hypocriſie, ſpeake any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themſelues diſpraiſed (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praiſed: but rather hauing their hearts the more enlarged to praiſe God, for beſtowing on them ſuch an excellent token and pledge of his fauour.
Secondly, they must lend a willing and joyful ear to such as shall (so far as they can conceive) truly and unfeignedly, without flattery or hypocrisy, speak any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themselves dispraised (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praised: but rather having their hearts the more enlarged to praise God, for bestowing on them such an excellent token and pledge of his favour.
Thirdly, they muſt imitate thoſe good things which they behold, or heare to be in one another, and ſo imitate them as they which haue before time knowne both husband and wife, may ſay, this ſhe learned of him, or this he learned of her.
Thirdly, they must imitate those good things which they behold, or hear to be in one another, and so imitate them as they which have before time known both husband and wife, may say, this she learned of him, or this he learned of her.
§. 35. Of husbands and wiues wiſdome, in preſeruing each others good name.
§. 35. Of husbands and wives wisdom, in preserving each others good name.
To preſerue a good name, it will be meet for an husband or429 wife, wiſely and ſeaſonably to giue one another notice of that good fame which is raiſed of them, thereby to prouoke them both to giue glorie to God for the ſame (430 as the Apoſtle thanketh God for that report which was ſpred abroad of the faith and loue of the Coloſsians) and alſo to walke worthie of that good report (as the Apoſtle who had giuen a great teſtimony of the bountie of the Corinthians, earneſtly exhorteth them to finiſh their beneuolence, leſt (ſaith he) I ſhould be aſhamed in431 this my conſtant boaſting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raiſed, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and ſcandalous ſinnes, they will cleane extinguiſh and put out their good name among men, and turne it into an euill report, according to that which Salomon ſaith, Dead flies cauſe the ointment of the Apothecarie to ſendforth a432 ſtinking ſauour: ſo doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wiſdome and honour.433
To preserve a good name, it will be meet for an husband or429 wife, wisely and seasonably to give one another notice of that good fame which is raised of them, thereby to provoke them both to give glory to God for the same430 (‸as the Apostle thanketh God for that report which was spread abroad of the faith and love of the Colossians) and also to walk worthy of that good report (as the Apostle who had given a great testimony of the bounty of the Corinthians, earnestly exhorteth them to finish their benevolence, lest (saith he) I should be ashamed in431 this my constant boasting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raised, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and scandalous sins, they will clean extinguish and put out their good name among men, and turn it into an evil report, according to that which Solomon saith, Dead flies cause the ointment of the Apothecary to send forth a432 stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour.433
§. 36. Of husbands and wiues like affection towards one anothers credit.
§. 36. Of husbands and wives like affection towards one anothers credit.
In the laſt place, to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care of one p. 251 anothers good name, husbands and wiues muſt be ſo affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their owne ſelues. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to reioyce thereat; if it be euill, to be grieued, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus ſhall they ſhew a true ſympathie and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that generall rule of the Apoſtle,434 Reioyce with them that reioyce, and weepe with them that weepe.
- 434. Rom. 12. 15. [moved in the edition]
In the last place, to manifest a mutual provident care of one anothers good name, husbands and wives must be so affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their own selves. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to rejoice thereat; if it be evil, to be grieved, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus shall they show a true sympathy and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that general rule of the Apostle, Rejoice with them that rejoice, and weep with them that weep.434
- 434. Rom‸ 12:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
§. 37. Of the vices contrarie to that mutuallcare, which man and wife ſhould haue of one anothers credit.
§. 37. Of the vices contrary to that mutual care, which man and wife should have of one anothers credit.
One is a readineſſe to diſgrace and diſcredit one another,436 like Michal the wife of Dauid, of whom we heard before. A hatefull and deteſtable vice this is, which cannot ſtand with437 true matrimoniall loue, but rather argueth an vtter diſlike, and a plaine hatred of one another.
Husbands and wiues diſcredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindring a good name.
Husbands and wives discredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindering a good name.
An ill name in procured by theſe meanes following.
An ill name is procured by these means following.
1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when438 tatling Goſsips meet, their vſuall prate is about their husbands, complaining of ſome vice or other in them: My husband, ſaith one, is couetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me goe as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is ſo furious as none can tell how to ſpeake to him: ſo one after another goeth on in this tracke, ſome diſcouering ſuch infirmities as ſhould be concealed; others (which is worſe) plainly belying their huſbands. In like manner alſo husbands when they meet with their boone companions, make their wiues the common ſubiect of all their talke: one accuſing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two reſpects for which this vice (moſt deteſtable in it ſelfe) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Becauſe they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: ſo as if they be ſo euilly minded, they may much more diſcredit one another, then any other can. 2. Becauſe in regard p. 252 of their neere vnion they are moſt bound to conceale and couer each others imperfections.439 Cam was curſed for reuealing his fathers nakedneſſe. but a more horrible curſe doe husbands and wiues deſerue, that ſo doe.
1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when438 tattling Gossips meet, their usual prate is about their husbands, complaining of some vice or other in them: My husband, saith one, is covetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me go as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is so furious as none can tell how to speak to him: so one after another goeth on in this track, some discovering such infirmities as should be concealed; others (which is worse) plainly belying their husbands. In like manner also husbands when they meet with their boon companions, make their wives the common subject of all their talk: one accusing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two respects for which this vice (most detestable in it self) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Because they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: so as if they be so evilly minded, they may much more discredit one another, then any other can. 2. Because in regard of their near union they are most bound to conceal and cover each others imperfections. Ham439 was cursed for revealing his fathers nakedness. But a more horrible curse do husbands and wives deserve, that so do.
2. By opening their eares, and giuing credit to euery light440 report that any ſhall raiſe. More ſecret heart-burning of one againſt the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily ariſe from hence then from any other thing.
- 440. 2. By hearing and beleeuing others ill reports.
2. By opening their ears, and giving credit to every light440 report that any shall raise. More secret heart-burning of one against the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily arise from hence then from any other thing.
- 440. 2. By hearing and believing others ill reports.
4. By concealing from one another the common euill rumors442 which are raiſed of them, and are in euery mans mouth: of all other, bedfellowes are moſt fit to diſcloſe ſuch things one to another: and moſt bound to doe it. Moſt fit, becauſe of their mutuall familiaritie: moſt bound, becauſe of their neere vnion.
- 442. 4. By concealing euill rumors.
4. By concealing from one another the common evil rumors442 which are raised of them, and are in every man’s mouth: of all other, bedfellows are most fit to disclose such things one to another: and most bound to do it. Most fit, because of their mutual familiarity: most bound, because of their near union.
- 442. 4. By concealing evil rumors.
Many husbands and wiues doe hinder one anothers good443 name by enuying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainſaying the ſame: as if the credit of the one muſt needs turne to the diſcredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, ſo this enuious diſpoſition is a meanes to extinguiſh the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impaire the credit and honour of one another, ſo they monſtrouſly diſcredit and diſhonour themſelues.
- 443. 5. By enuying and gaineſaying good reports.
Many husbands and wives do hinder one anothers good443 name by envying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainsaying the same: as if the credit of the one must needs turn to the discredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, so this envious disposition is a means to extinguish the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impair the credit and honour of one another, so they monstrously discredit and dishonour themselves.
- 443. 5. By envying and gainsaying good reports.
The other generall vice in this kinde, is a careleſſe regard,444 or plaine neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were meere ſtrangers one to another, they paſſe by all reports made of one another. What mutuall loue can there be in ſuch? howſoeuer their hands haue beene ioyned together, ſurely their hearts were neuer vnited, ſo as it had beene better they had neuer knowne one another, vnleſſe the Lord doe afterwards knit their hearts, and vnite their affections more neerely and firmely together.
- 444. 2. Neglect of each others fame.
The other general vice in this kind, is a careless regard,444 or plain neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were mere strangers one to another, they pass by all reports made of one another. What mutual love can there be in such? Howsoever their hands have been joined together, surely their hearts were never united, so as it had been better they had never known one another, unless the Lord do afterwards knit their hearts, and unite their affections more nearly and firmly together.
- 444. 2. Neglect of each others fame.
§. 38. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence about the goods of the family.
§. 38. Of husbands and wives mutual providence about the goods of the family.
Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands445 and wiues ought to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care each ouer other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howſoeuer the husband, while he liueth with his wife, hath the trueſt propertie in them, and the greateſt title vnto them, yet I referre this to thoſe mutuall duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three reſpects.
- 445. Treatiſe 3. §. 29.
Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands445 and wives ought to manifest a mutual provident care each over other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howsoever the husband, while he liveth with his wife, hath the truest property in them, and the greatest title unto them, yet I refer this to those mutual duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three respects.
- 445. Treatise 3. §. 29.
Firſt, becauſe in conſcience they appertaine to the vſe of the wife, as well as of the husband.
First, because in conscience they appertain to the use of the wife, as well as of the husband.
Secondly, becauſe the wife is by Gods prouidence appointed a ioynt gouernour with the husband of the familie, and in that reſpect ought to be an helpe in prouiding ſuch a ſufficiencie of the goods of this world, as are needfull for that eſtate wherein God hath ſet them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.
Secondly, because the wife is by God’s providence appointed a joint governor with the husband of the family, and in that respect ought to be an help in providing such a sufficiency of the goods of this world, as are needful for that estate wherein God hath set them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.
Thirdly, becauſe the wife, if ſhe ſuruiue the husband, ought to haue ſuch a portion of thoſe goods, as are meet for her place and charge.
Thirdly, because the wife, if she survive the husband, ought to have such a portion of those goods, as are meet for her place and charge.
In theſe reſpects we ſee it requiſite, yea a bounden dutie, that husband and wife, euen in a mutuall regard one of another, be as prouident as they can be with a good conſcience in getting, keeping, and diſpoſing competent goods and riches for the mutuall good one of another. Concerning the huſbands dutie in this reſpect no queſtion is made: the practiſe of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of prouiding for their446 owne enioyned to them, their place and office to be their wiues head, with many other like arguments, whereof we ſhall more diſtinctly ſpeake, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, doe proue as much. The greateſt queſtion is concerning the wife, whether ſhe be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be thorowly ſearched, we ſhall finde proofe enough to ſhew that euen ſhe alſo is bound hereunto. For firſt, the generall end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be447 an helpe to man) implieth as much: for herein may ſhe be a verie great helpe, as we ſhall ſee by and by in ſundry particulars. 2. That p. 254 generall property attributed to a wife to be448 a good thing, confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one reſpect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that ſhe may by her prouidence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other reſpects, the good wife which Salomon deſcribeth, is ſaid449 to doe good to her husband all the daies of her life: for by her induſtry and prouidence ſhee did ſo preſerue and increaſe his goods, that450 the heart of her husband truſted in her, and he had no need of ſpoile. If the particular actions whereby that good wife is deſcribed be well noted, we may eaſily obſerue that ſhe was an eſpeciall helpe vnto her husband, euen in his outward eſtate. From all which, we may inferre theſe two points. Firſt, that this prouident care about outward temporall goods is lawfull, not vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutuall dutie appertaining both to husband and wife.
In these respects we see it requisite, yea a bounden duty, that husband and wife, even in a mutual regard one of another, be as provident as they can be with a good conscience in getting, keeping, and disposing competent goods and riches for the mutual good one of another. Concerning the husbands duty in this respect no question is made: the practise of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of providing for their own446 enjoined to them, their place and office to be their wives head, with many other like arguments, whereof we shall more distinctly speak, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, do prove as much. The greatest question is concerning the wife, whether she be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be thoroughly searched, we shall find proof enough to show that even she also is bound hereunto. For first, the general end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be an help447 to man) implieth as much: for herein may she be a very great help, as we shall see by and by in sundry particulars. 2. That general property attributed to a wife to be a good thing,448 confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one respect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that she may by her providence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other respects, the good wife which Solomon describeth, is said449 to do good to her husband all the days of her life: for by her industry and providence she did so preserve and increase his goods, that the heart of her husband trusted in her, and he had no need of spoil.450 If the particular actions whereby that good wife is described be well noted, we may easily observe that she was an especial help unto her husband, even in his outward estate. From all which, we may infer these two points. First, that this provident care about outward temporal goods is lawful, not unbeseeming a Christian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutual duty appertaining both to husband and wife.
For the firſt, how needfull the goods of this world are for preſeruation of life and health, eſtate of the family, good of Church and Common-wealth, releefe of the poore, with the like vſes, no man can be ignorant. God hath giuen them as bleſſings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children haue accordingly beene thankfull for them: ſo as a prouident care about them is not vnlawfull, but very expedient and needfull.
For the first, how needful the goods of this world are for preservation of life and health, estate of the family, good of Church and common-wealth, relief of the poor, with the like uses, no man can be ignorant. God hath given them as blessings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children have accordingly been thankful for them: so as a provident care about them is not unlawful, but very expedient and needful.
For the ſecond, If there ſhould not be a ioint care herein, the care and paines of the one might be altogether in vaine. For ſuppoſe an husband be induſtrious, as451 Iaakob was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her vnthriftineſſe, idleneſſe, negligence, or the like vices, ſuffer that which is brought home to be embeaſeled and waſted; or by her prodigalitie, brauerie, or loue of vaine companie, conſume it her ſelfe, where will be the profit of the husbands paines? Or on the other ſide, if a wife ſhould be as painfull and proſperous in getting, as452 the good houſwife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, reuelling, or other like meanes ſhould waſte all away, what fruit would remaine of the wiues prouidence? In this mutuall prouident care of husband and wife, each of them muſt haue an eye to their owne place: p. 255 affaires abroad doe moſt appertaine to the man, and are eſpecially453 to be ordered by him: that which the wife is eſpecially to care for, is the buſineſſe of the houſe: for the Apoſtle laieth it downe as a rule for wiues (as we ſhall hereafter more particularly declare) that they454 keepe at home, and455 gouerne the houſe. By this means may they be very profitable each to other.
For the second, If there should not be a joint care herein, the care and pains of the one might be altogether in vain. For suppose an husband be industrious, as Jacob451 was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her unthriftiness, idleness, negligence, or the like vices, suffer that which is brought home to be embezzled and wasted; or by her prodigality, bravery, or love of vain company, consume it her self, where will be the profit of the husbands pains? Or on the other side, if a wife should be as painful and prosperous in getting, as452 the good housewife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, revelling, or other like means should waste all away, what fruit would remain of the wives providence? In this mutual provident care of husband and wife, each of them must have an eye to their own place: affairs abroad do most appertain to the man, and are especially453 to be ordered by him: that which the wife is especially to care for, is the business of the house: for the Apostle layeth it down as a rule for wives (as we shall hereafter more particularly declare) that they keep at home,454 and govern the house.455 By this means may they be very profitable each to other.
§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good prouidence of huſband and wife, about the goods of the family.
§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good providence of husband and wife, about the goods of the family.
Contrary to that dutie, are theſe vices following.
Contrary to that duty, are these vices following.
1. Couetouſneſſe, and ouermuch care for themſelues: as456 when an husband ſo raketh, and ſcrapeth, and hoordeth vp for himſelfe, as he neither affordeth vnto his wife ſo much as is457 meet for her place while he liueth with her, nor thinketh of prouiding ſufficient maintenance for her, if ſhee ouer-liue him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law caſteth vpon her. Or when a wife ſecretly hoordeth vp whatſoeuer ſhe can get, either by her owne induſtry, or elſe by purloining from her husband: ſometimes ſelling corne, wares, houſhold-ſtuffe, or other like commodities, ſo priuily as the husband ſhall neuer know it: ſometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bagge, cheſt, or the like, ſo as either it ſhall not be miſſed, or if it be, it ſhall not be knowne who had it. Many there be who in miſtruſt of their husbands prouidence, or in diſlike of them, or on ſome other by-reſpects, commit whatſoeuer they can get to the truſt and cuſtody of others, whereby it oft commeth to paſſe, that they themſelues, meeting with deceitfull friends, are vtterly defeated, euen becauſe they dare not make their fraud knowne. As Couetouſneſſe is in it ſelfe an odious ſinne; ſo it is made much more hainous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as deare each to other as themſelues.
1. Covetousness, and overmuch care for themselves: as456 when an husband so raketh, and scrapeth, and hoardeth up for himself, as he neither affordeth unto his wife so much as is457 meet for her place while he liveth with her, nor thinketh of providing sufficient maintenance for her, if she over-live him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law casteth upon her. Or when a wife secretly hoardeth up whatsoever she can get, either by her own industry, or else by purloining from her husband: sometimes selling corn, wares, household-stuff, or other like commodities, so privily as the husband shall never know it: sometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bag, chest, or the like, so as either it shall not be missed, or if it be, it shall not be known who had it. Many there be who in mistrust of their husbands providence, or in dislike of them, or on some other by-respects, commit whatsoever they can get to the trust and custody of others, whereby it oft cometh to pass, that they themselves, meeting with deceitful friends, are utterly defeated, even because they dare not make their fraud known. As Covetousness is in it self an odious sin; so it is made much more heinous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as dear each to other as themselves.
2. Prodigalitie, and too lauiſh ſpending vpon themſelues,458 and thoſe things which are moſt agreeable to their owne corrupt humor: as when husbands without any meane or measure, ſpend their goods abroad in hunting, hauking, carding, dicing, eating, drinking, or the like, and ſuffer their wiues to want at home, and yet tooke their wiues to maintaine them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wiues bring their p. 256 husbands into debt, and weaken, if not cleane ouerthrow their eſtate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houſes, by braue and coſtly apparell, by dainty fare, by goſſipping abroad, with the like. Many wiues are ſo violent herein, that if their deſire and humour be not ſatisfied, their husbands ſhall haue no reſt (forſooth they brought a portion, and maintained they muſt and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands eſtate can beare it or no) in ſo much as many are forced wittingly, for quietneſſe ſake, to ſuffer their eſtate to ſinke. O fooliſh and wretched wiues! how little do they conſider that they were maried to doe their husbands good, and not euill all the daies of their life? is this to be an helpe to man? or rather is it not cleane to thwart Gods counſell, and peruert his purpoſe? can we thinke that God will forbeare, and not be auenged of them? yet much more will God be auenged of the forenamed husbands, becauſe of that image of himſelfe which he hath placed in them, and becauſe of that place and authority wherein he hath ſet them. The Apoſtle expreſly ſaith of them, that they are worſe then Infidels, which being ſo, they muſt looke for459 the greater iudgement.
2. Prodigality, and too lavish spending upon themselves,458 and those things which are most agreeable to their own corrupt humor: as when husbands without any mean or measure, spend their goods abroad in hunting, hawking, carding, dicing, eating, drinking, or the like, and suffer their wives to want at home, and yet took their wives to maintain them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wives bring their husbands into debt, and weaken, if not clean overthrow their estate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houses, by brave and costly apparel, by dainty fare, by gossipping abroad, with the like. Many wives are so violent herein, that if their desire and humour be not satisfied, their husbands shall have no rest (forsooth they brought a portion, and maintained they must and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands estate can bear it or no) in so much as many are forced wittingly, for quietness sake, to suffer their estate to sink. O foolish and wretched wives! How little do they consider that they were married to do their husbands good, and not evil all the days of their life? Is this to be an help to man? Or rather is it not clean to thwart God’s counsel, and pervert his purpose? Can we think that God will forbear, and not be avenged of them? Yet much more will God be avenged of the forenamed husbands, because of that image of himself which he hath placed in them, and because of that place and authority wherein he hath set them. The Apostle expressly saith of them, that they are worse then Infidels,459 which being so, they must look for the greater judgment.
3. Idleneſſe, and a careleſſe neglect of their eſtate. Many460 men ſpend day after day, like a bird that flieth vp and downe, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twigge to twigge: they goe from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, ſo they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then ſeeke after other company, and are ready to goe with any to Ale-houſe, Tauerne, Play-houſe, Bowlingalley, or other like places. Many women alſo ſpend all the forenoone in lying a bed and tyring themſelues, and the afternoone as occaſion is offered in ſitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpoſe, but only to weare out time, little regarding their husbands eſtate, whether it increaſe, or diminiſh. Thus by the idleneſſe and careleſneſſe of husband and wife, come faire eſtates many times to ruine, and both of then brought to penury and beggery.
- 460. 3. Idleneſſe.
3. Idleness, and a careless neglect of their estate. Many460 men spend day after day, like a bird that flieth up and down, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twig to twig: they go from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, so they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then seek after other company, and are ready to go with any to Ale-house, Tavern, Play-house, Bowling-alley, or other like places. Many women also spend all the forenoon in lying a bed and tiring themselves, and the afternoon as occasion is offered in sitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpose, but only to wear out time, little regarding their husbands estate, whether it increase, or diminish. Thus by the idleness and carelessness of husband and wife, come fair estates many times to ruin, and both of them brought to penury and beggary.
- 460. 3. Idleness.