Of Domestical Duties · Volume II

Then & Now · Volume II · 7 of 18

Serving Together in Family Ministry

Serving Together in Family Ministry

§. 40. Of husbands and wiues ioint care in gouerning the family.

§. 40. Of husbands and wives joint care in governing the family.

Hitherto I haue deliuered ſuch common duties as mutually p. 257 reſpect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both iointly bound to performe to other perſons: and thoſe either members of the family, or ſtrangers comming to the family.

Hitherto I have delivered such common duties as mutually respect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both jointly bound to perform to other persons: and those either members of the family, or strangers coming to the family.

Concerning the members of the family, though there be ſome peculiar duties belonging to the maſter, and ſome to the miſtreſſe, ſome to the father, and ſome to the mother, of which we ſhall ſpeake in their due place; yet in generall the gouernment of the family, and the ſeuerall members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at leaſt they haue a family) and a ioint common dutie it is to be helpfull one to another therein.

Concerning the members of the family, though there be some peculiar duties belonging to the master, and some to the mistress, some to the father, and some to the mother, of which we shall speak in their due place; yet in general the government of the family, and the several members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at least they have a family) and a joint common duty it is to be helpful one to another therein.

Obiect. Seeing it is not neceſſarily required, that a huſband and wife ſhould haue a family to gouerne, for two may be maried and haue neither children nor ſeruants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?

Object. Seeing it is not necessarily required, that a husband and wife should have a family to govern, for two may be married and have neither children nor servants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?

Anſw. 1. Becauſe ordinarily when two are maried they gather a family, and are the gouernours thereof: ſo as though it faile in ſome particulars, yet for the moſt part it holdeth.

Answ. 1. Because ordinarily when two are married they gather a family, and are the governors thereof: so as though it fail in some particulars, yet for the most part it holdeth.

2. Becauſe the ioint gouernment whereof I ſpeake in this place is by vertue of the mariage-bond: for if a man and a woman ſhould liue together in an houſe, and by mutuall conſent haue a ioint authority and gouernment, this would be very offenſiue to all that ſhould know it, or heare of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be ſo helpfull one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family ſo bound to ſubiect themſelues to both.

2. Because the joint government whereof I speak in this place is by virtue of the marriage-bond: for if a man and a woman should live together in an house, and by mutual consent have a joint authority and government, this would be very offensive to all that should know it, or hear of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be so helpful one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family so bound to subject themselves to both.

3. The duty whereof I ſpeake, though it be about the gouernment of a family, yet hath it reſpect to an huſband as he is an husband, and to a wife as ſhee is a wife; namely, that by vertue of their mariage-bond, and neere vnion, they be helpfull one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.

3. The duty whereof I speak, though it be about the government of a family, yet hath it respect to an husband as he is an husband, and to a wife as she is a wife; namely, that by virtue of their marriage-bond, and near union, they be helpful one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.

Whether the man ought to look to the good gouernment of p. 258 his houſe is a queſtion without all queſtion. He is the higheſt in the family, and hath both authoritie ouer all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his owne houſe: as a king is to ſee that land well gouerned where he is king, ſo he that is the chiefe ruler in an houſe. The dutie which the Apoſtle applieth in particular to Biſhops & Deacons, in generall appertaineth to all husbands,461 that they rule their owne houſe honeſtly: and againe,462 that they be ſuch as can rule their children well, and their owne houſholds. The care of many huſbands is in this reſpect commended in Scripture, as of463 Abram, of464 Iaakob, of465 Ioſuah, of466 Dauid, the467 Ruler at Galile, and of many other. That the wife alſo ought to be an helpe to him therein, is very euident: for the Apoſtle layeth it expreſly to their charge,468 that they gouerne the houſe: would the Wiſe man haue ſo highly commended a wife469 for well gouerning her huſbands houſe if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wiſe Abigail had a great hand in gouerning Nabals houſe, becauſe the ſeruants made complaint to her of Nabals churliſhneſſe, and becauſe ſhe had the ſeruants at command, readily to doe what ſhe would haue them; yea alſo, becauſe ſhe could ſo readily prepare ſuch ſtore of prouiſion for Dauid and his men, as ſhe did. Hence is it that the wife is called470 miſtreſſe of the houſe, as well as the husband471 maſter of the houſe.

  1. 461. 1 Tim. 3. 4.
  2. 462. Verſ. 12.
  3. 463. Gen. 18. 19. [moved in the edition]
  4. 464. & 35. 2, &c. [moved in the edition]
  5. 465. Joſ. 2 4. 15. [moved in the edition]
  6. 466. Pſal. 101. 2. &c. [moved in the edition]
  7. 467. Ioh. 4 53.
  8. 468. 1 Tim. 5. 14.
  9. 469. Prou. 31. 11, &c.
  10. 470. Mater-familias. [moved in the edition]
  11. 471. Pater-familias. [moved in the edition]

Whether the man ought to look to the good government of his house is a question without all question. He is the highest in the family, and hath both authority over all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his own house: as a king is to see that land well governed where he is king, so he that is the chief ruler in an house. The duty which the Apostle applieth in particular to Bishops & Deacons, in general appertaineth to all husbands,461 that they rule their own house honestly: and again,462 that they be such as can rule their children well, and their own households. The care of many husbands is in this respect commended in Scripture, as of Abram,463 of Jacob,464 of Joshua,465 of David,466 the467 Ruler at Galilee, and of many other. That the wife also ought to be an help to him therein, is very evident: for the Apostle layeth it expressly to their charge,468 that they govern the house: would the Wise man have so highly commended a wife469 for well governing her husbands house if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wise Abigail had a great hand in governing Nabal’s house, because the servants made complaint to her of Nabal’s churlishness, and because she had the servants at command, readily to do what she would have them; yea also, because she could so readily prepare such store of provision for David and his men, as she did. Hence is it that the wife is called mistress of the house,470 as well as the husband master of the house.471

  1. 461. 1 Tim‸ 3:‸4.
  2. 462. Vers. 12.
  3. 463. Gen‸ 18:‸19. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 464. Gen 35:‸2, etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
  5. 465. Josh 24:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
  6. 466. Ps 101:‸2. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
  7. 467. John 4:‸53.
  8. 468. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸14.
  9. 469. Prov‸ 31:‸11, etc‸.
  10. 470. Mater-familias. [moved here by the editor]
  11. 471. Pater-familias. [moved here by the editor]

Obiect.472 A woman is not to teach, nor to vſurpe authoritie ouer the man.

  1. 472. 1 Tim. 2. 12. [moved in the edition]

Object. A woman is not to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man.472

  1. 472. 1 Tim‸ 2:‸12. [moved here by the editor]

Anſw. 1. That branch of teaching hath reſpect to publike aſſemblies, and Churches, in which ſhe may not teach: but not to priuate families, in which ſhe may, and ought to teach: for473 Barthſhebah taught Salomon. When474 Apollos was brought to the houſe of Aquila, Priſcilla the wife of Aquila did helpe to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.

  1. 473. Pro. 31. 4. [moved in the edition]
  2. 474. Acts 18. 26. [moved in the edition]

Answ. 1. That branch of teaching hath respect to public assemblies, and Churches, in which she may not teach: but not to private families, in which she may, and ought to teach: for Bathsheba473 taught Solomon. When Apollos474 was brought to the house of Aquila, Priscilla the wife of Aquila did help to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.

  1. 473. Prov 31:‸4. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 474. Acts 18:‸26. [moved here by the editor]

2. The other branch concerning authoritie, hath not reference to the inferiour members in the family, ouer which the wife of an houſhold gouernour hath authoritie, but only to the husband, ouer whom if ſhe take any authoritie, ſhe vſurpeth it. Therfore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being iointly conſidered with the husband, to rule & gouerne thoſe in the family which are vnder them both.

2. The other branch concerning authority, hath not reference to the inferior members in the family, over which the wife of an household governor hath authority, but only to the husband, over whom if she take any authority, she usurpeth it. Therefore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being jointly considered with the husband, to rule & govern those in the family which are under them both.

p. 259 2. Obiect. This ioint gouernment of the wife doth much impaire the dignity and authority of the husband.

2. Object. This joint government of the wife doth much impair the dignity and authority of the husband.

Anſw. Nothing leſſe: for ſhe is ſubordinate to her husband, and muſt ſo rule others as ſhe be ſubiect to her husband, and not command any thing againſt his command, (prouided that his command be not againſt the Lord, and his word.) We ſee that in all eſtates the king or higheſt gouernour hath other Magiſtrates vnder him, who haue a command ouer the ſubiects, and yet thereby the kings ſupreme authoritie is no whit impaired, but rather the better eſtabliſhed, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.475

  1. 475. 1. Reaſon. Husbands and wiues by their mutuall aſſiſtance bring great help one to another. Plus vident oculi quàm oculus. Ariſt. Polit. li. 3. c. 7.

Answ. Nothing less: for she is subordinate to her husband, and must so rule others as she be subject to her husband, and not command any thing against his command, (provided that his command be not against the Lord, and his word.) We see that in all estates the king or highest governor hath other Magistrates under him, who have a command over the subjects, and yet thereby the kings supreme authority is no whit impaired, but rather the better established, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.475

  1. 475. 1. Reason. Husbands and wives by their mutual assistance bring great help one to another. Plus vident oculi quàm oculus. Arist. Polit. li. 3. c. 7.

Let therefore husbands and wiues herein aſſiſt one another, for ſo they may be very helpfull one to another, and bring, by their mutuall helpe in gouerning, much good to the family. The husband by his helpe aiding his wife, addeth much authoritie vnto her, and ſo cauſeth that ſhe is not deſpiſed, nor lightly eſteemed. The wife by her helpe cauſeth many things to be eſpied, and ſo redreſſed, which otherwiſe might neuer haue beene found out: for two eies ſee more then one, eſpecially when one of thoſe is more at hand, and in preſence, as the476 wife is in the houſe.

  1. 476. 2. Reaſon. Many things in a family more fit for the one to meddle with, then for the other.

Let therefore husbands and wives herein assist one another, for so they may be very helpful one to another, and bring, by their mutual help in governing, much good to the family. The husband by his help aiding his wife, addeth much authority unto her, and so causeth that she is not despised, nor lightly esteemed. The wife by her help causeth many things to be espied, and so redressed, which otherwise might never have been found out: for two eyes see more then one, especially when one of those is more at hand, and in presence, as the476 wife is in the house.

  1. 476. 2. Reason. Many things in a family more fit for the one to meddle with, then for the other.

Beſides there are many things in well gouerning a family more fit for one to meddle withall then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weightie affaires of the family (as performing Gods worſhip, appointing and ſetling good orders, prouiding conuenient houſe-roome, and other neceſſaries for the family: keeping children when they grow477 great, or waxe ſtubborne, in awe: ruling men ſeruants, with the like) And for the wife to meddle with ſome leſſe, but very needfull matters, as nouriſhing and inſtructing children when they are young, adorning the houſe, ordering the prouiſion brought into the houſe, ruling maid ſeruants, with the like. Yea further, as the man eſpecially is to performe the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, ſo the wife may be a great helpe in putting her husband in minde both of the dutie it ſelfe, and of the time of performing it, and incouraging him to doe it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, p. 260 in making her ſelfe an example to the reſt by her diligent and reuerend attention, in oft vrging and preſſing to her children and ſeruants ſuch points of inſtruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exerciſes her ſelfe, ſo farre as ſhe is able, when her huſband is abſent, or negligent and careleſſe, and will not himſelfe doe them; or it may be, is not able to doe them: or if ſhe performe them not her ſelfe, in getting ſome other to performe them.

  1. 477. In familia diſpertita ſunt officia: ſuntꝗ alia viri, alia vxoris propria. Pro▪ ſunt ergo vterꝗ alteri ſua in commune confe rentes: ob eamꝗ cauſam ſuauitas in hac tali amicitia ineſt, vtilitaſꝗ maxima. Ariſt. Eth. li. 8. ca. 12.

Besides there are many things in well governing a family more fit for one to meddle withal then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weighty affairs of the family (as performing God’s worship, appointing and settling good orders, providing convenient house-room, and other necessaries for the family: keeping children when they grow477 great, or wax stubborn, in awe: ruling men servants, with the like.) And for the wife to meddle with some less, but very needful matters, as nourishing and instructing children when they are young, adorning the house, ordering the provision brought into the house, ruling maid servants, with the like. Yea further, as the man especially is to perform the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, so the wife may be a great help in putting her husband in mind both of the duty it self, and of the time of performing it, and encouraging him to do it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, in making her self an example to the rest by her diligent and reverend attention, in oft urging and pressing to her children and servants such points of instruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exercises her self, so far as she is able, when her husband is absent, or negligent and careless, and will not himself do them; or it may be, is not able to do them: or if she perform them not her self, in getting some other to perform them.

  1. 477. In familia dispertita sunt officia: suntque alia viri, alia vxoris propria. Prosunt ergo vterque alteri sua in commune conferentes: ob eamque causam suauitas in hac tali amicitia inest, vtilitasque maxima. Arist. Eth. li. 8. ca. 12.

§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a ioint care of gouerning the family.

§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a joint care of governing the family.

The minde and practiſe of many, both husbands and wiues,478 is contrary to this dutie.

  1. 478. Vices contrary.

The mind and practise of many, both husbands and wives,478 is contrary to this duty.

  1. 478. Vices contrary.

Many a husband becauſe the wiues office is eſpecially to479 abide at home, will put off all gouernment to the wife: leauing it to her not only to order the things in the houſe, but alſo to bring in all needful things, to order and gouerne the children both young and old, yea euen to prouide for them alſo, to take in, to put out, to vſe all ſorts of ſeruants as pleaſeth her: yea, if ſeruants ſhall be ſtubborne and ſtout againſt her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much leſſe afford her his aſſiſtance, but ſuffer her to be diſgraced and deſpiſed. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh baſe minded men, vnworthy to be huſbands and heads of wiues! ſhall your wiues who were made to be an helpe to you, haue no helpe from you, no not in thoſe things which eſpecially belong to your charge? ſhall the weaker veſſels beare all the burden? Aſſuredly as the man carrieth away the greateſt reputation and honour when a family is well gouerned (though it be by the ioynt care and wiſdome of his wife) ſo lieth he moſt open to the iudgement of God if the gouernment thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and ſeruants grow impious: inſtance480 Elie, and481 Dauid. For as in a common-wealth, the greateſt honour of good gouernment, victorious battels, happy peace, and proſperity, and the greateſt diſhonor and dammage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, ſo to the man who is chiefe gouernour in a family: for it is preſuppoſed, that all which doe any good are inſtruments of p. 261 the higheſt gouernour: if any euill or miſchiefe fall out, that it is through his negligence.

  1. 479. 1. When huſbands put off all gouernment to their wiues.
  2. 480. 1 Sam. 3. 12, 13. [moved in the edition]
  3. 481. 2 Sam. 15. [moved in the edition]

Many a husband because the wives office is especially to479 abide at home, will put off all government to the wife: leaving it to her not only to order the things in the house, but also to bring in all needful things, to order and govern the children both young and old, yea even to provide for them also, to take in, to put out, to use all sorts of servants as pleaseth her: yea, if servants shall be stubborn and stout against her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much less afford her his assistance, but suffer her to be disgraced and despised. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh base minded men, unworthy to be husbands and heads of wives! Shall your wives who were made to be an help to you, have no help from you, no not in those things which especially belong to your charge? Shall the weaker vessels bear all the burden? Assuredly as the man carrieth away the greatest reputation and honour when a family is well governed (though it be by the joint care and wisdom of his wife) so lieth he most open to the judgment of God if the government thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and servants grow impious: instance Eli,480 and David.481 For as in a common-wealth, the greatest honour of good government, victorious battles, happy peace, and prosperity, and the greatest dishonor and damage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, so to the man who is chief governor in a family: for it is presupposed, that all which do any good are instruments of the highest governor: if any evil or mischief fall out, that it is through his negligence.

  1. 479. 1. When husbands put off all government to their wives.
  2. 480. 1 Sam‸ 3:‸12, 13. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 481. 2 Sam‸ 15. [moved here by the editor]

On the other ſide, becauſe the husband is the moſt principall,482 many wiues thinke that the gouernment of the family nothing at all appertaines to them, and thereupon are careleſſe of the good thereof, and will not ſtirre their leaſt finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiſſe, lay all the blame on their husbands. Doe not ſuch peruert that maine end for which God made them, euen to be an helpe? Doe they not carrie themſelues moſt vnworthy of the place wherein God hath ſet them, namely to be ioynt-gouernours with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themſelues acceſſary to all the euill which falleth out in the family, ſo aſſuredly ſhall they haue their part in thoſe iudgements which are executed on the head thereof.

  1. 482. 2. When wiues refuſe to adde their aide.

On the other side, because the husband is the most principal,482 many wives think that the government of the family nothing at all appertains to them, and thereupon are careless of the good thereof, and will not stir their least finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiss, lay all the blame on their husbands. Do not such pervert that main end for which God made them, even to be an help? Do they not carry themselves most unworthy of the place wherein God hath set them, namely to be joint-governors with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themselves accessary to all the evil which falleth out in the family, so assuredly shall they have their part in those judgments which are executed on the head thereof.

  1. 482. 2. When wives refuse to add their aid.

Moſt contrary to the forenamed dutie is the practiſe of483 ſuch as are hindrances one to another in gouerning the family: as when wiues are not only negligent themſelues in comming to religious exerciſes, but keepe backe children and ſeruants, and ſo are a great griefe vnto their religious huſbands: or when they vſe any of the children or ſeruants to be inſtruments of iniquity; or are themſelues diſquiet and troubleſome in the houſe, like to her of whom Salomon ſpeaketh in this prouerbe, It is better to dwell in the corner of the houſe484 top, then with a contentious woman in a wide houſe.

  1. 483. 3. When husbands or wiues are hinderances each to other.
  2. 484. Pro. 21. 9.

Most contrary to the forenamed duty is the practise of483 such as are hindrances one to another in governing the family: as when wives are not only negligent themselves in coming to religious exercises, but keep back children and servants, and so are a great grief unto their religious husbands: or when they use any of the children or servants to be instruments of iniquity; or are themselves disquiet and troublesome in the house, like to her of whom Solomon speaketh in this proverb, It is better to dwell in the corner of the house484 top, then with a contentious woman in a wide house.

  1. 483. 3. When husbands or wives are hindrances each to other.
  2. 484. Prov 21:‸9.

Husbands alſo are oft an hinderance to that good gouernment which their wiues would helpe forward, when they ſcoffe and ſcorne at that good counſell which their wiues giue them for that purpoſe, or when they will not ſuffer their wiues to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they ſhould finde any fault, much leſſe take in hand to redreſſe any thing that is amiſſe. Theſe and ſuch like peruerſe diſpoſitions are in husbands and wiues, whereby it commeth to paſſe that they who were ioyned together to be a mutuall helpe each to other, proue heauy, yea intolerable burdens.

Husbands also are oft an hindrance to that good government which their wives would help forward, when they scoff and scorn at that good counsel which their wives give them for that purpose, or when they will not suffer their wives to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they should find any fault, much less take in hand to redress any thing that is amiss. These and such like perverse dispositions are in husbands and wives, whereby it cometh to pass that they who were joined together to be a mutual help each to other, prove heavy, yea intolerable burdens.

§. 42. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.

§. 42. Of husbands and wives mutual help in hospitality.

The next common duty of husband and wife reſpecteth p. 262 ſuch as come to their houſe, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or ſtrangers, eſpecially if they be Saints, to whom485 hoſpitality, that is, a kinde and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore muſt husbands and wiues be helpfull one to another: for as it is required of486 husbands, ſo alſo of487 wiues to be harborous, namely while they are maried, together with their husbands, and when they are widowes, of themſelues.488 Abraham and Sarah were herein an helpe one to another, when the three Angels in ſhapes of men came to their houſe: ſo were489 the Shunemite and her husband when Eliſha the Prophet came to their houſe.

  1. 485. Heb. 13. 2. Rom. 12. 13. [moved in the edition]
  2. 486. 1 Tim. 3. 2.
  3. 487. & 5. 10.
  4. 488. Gen. 18 6. &c. [moved in the edition]
  5. 489. 2 King. 4. 8.

The next common duty of husband and wife respecteth such as come to their house, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or strangers, especially if they be Saints, to whom hospitality,485 that is, a kind and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore must husbands and wives be helpful one to another: for as it is required of486 husbands, so also of487 wives to be harborous, namely while they are married, together with their husbands, and when they are widows, of themselves. Abraham488 and Sarah were herein an help one to another, when the three Angels in shapes of men came to their house: so were489 the Shunammite and her husband when Elisha the Prophet came to their house.

  1. 485. Heb‸ 13:‸2. Rom‸ 12:‸13. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 486. 1 Tim‸ 3:‸2.
  3. 487. 1 Tim 5:‸10.
  4. 488. Gen‸ 18:‸6. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
  5. 489. 2 Kgs 4:‸8.

For hoſpitality, that it is a commendable dutie belonging490 to ſuch as are houſe-keepers and able to giue entertainment, is euident by the precepts and examples before ſpecified, as alſo by the bleſſing which God thereupon hath brought to the houſes of them that were giuen thereunto, which the Apoſtle intimateth in theſe words,491 thereby ſome haue entertained Angels vnawares. Now therfore husbands and wiues being (as we haue heard) ioynt gouernours, as in other things, ſo in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for theſe reaſons.

  1. 490. Reaſons. 1. Hoſpitality a commendable dutie.
  2. 491. Heb. 13. 2. [moved in the edition]

For hospitality, that it is a commendable duty belonging490 to such as are house-keepers and able to give entertainment, is evident by the precepts and examples before specified, as also by the blessing which God thereupon hath brought to the houses of them that were given thereunto, which the Apostle intimateth in these words, thereby some have entertained Angels unawares.491 Now therefore husbands and wives being (as we have heard) joint governors, as in other things, so in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for these reasons.

  1. 490. Reasons. 1. Hospitality a commendable duty.
  2. 491. Heb‸ 13:‸2. [moved here by the editor]

1. Becauſe in giuing entertainment there are ſundry492 things to be done, whereof ſome are proper to the husbands place, and ſome to the wiues. To take order for the prouiſion of things without doores is more fit for the husband,493 Abraham did it: to order the ſmaller things within doores is more fit for the wife; that was left to494 Sarah.

  1. 492. 2. The entertainment will be the better by a mutuall helpe.
  2. 493. Gen. 18. 7. [moved in the edition]
  3. 494. Verſ. 6. [moved in the edition]

1. Because in giving entertainment there are sundry492 things to be done, whereof some are proper to the husbands place, and some to the wives. To take order for the provision of things without doors is more fit for the husband, Abraham493 did it: to order the smaller things within doors is more fit for the wife; that was left to Sarah.494

  1. 492. 2. The entertainment will be the better by a mutual help.
  2. 493. Gen‸ 18:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 494. Vers. 6. [moved here by the editor]

2. Becauſe it is meet that gueſts ſhould know they are welcome495 both to the husband and to the wife, that ſo they may be the more cheerefull.

  1. 495. 3. Gueſts will be more cheerefull.

2. Because it is meet that guests should know they are welcome495 both to the husband and to the wife, that so they may be the more cheerful.

  1. 495. 3. Guests will be more cheerful.

3. Becauſe a mutuall conſent, and cheerefull help herein will496 be an eſpeciall means, as to manifeſt their mutuall affection, ſo to hold the hearts of man and wife firme and cloſe together, and make them the better like and loue one the other: eſpecially if the husband ſhall ſhew himſelfe as ready and willing to entertaine his wiues friends and kindred as his owne, and ſo the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themſelues p. 263 are made one fleſh, ſo ought each of them to eſteeme of the others friends as of their owne.

  1. 496. 4. Mutuall loue will be more firme.

3. Because a mutual consent, and cheerful help herein will496 be an especial means, as to manifest their mutual affection, so to hold the hearts of man and wife firm and close together, and make them the better like and love one the other: especially if the husband shall show himself as ready and willing to entertain his wives friends and kindred as his own, and so the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themselves are made one flesh, so ought each of them to esteem of the others friends as of their own.

  1. 496. 4. Mutual love will be more firm.

4. Becauſe thus they ſhew a mutuall deſire of bringing497 Gods bleſſing on each other, and vpon their whole family.

  1. 497. 5. A deſire of one anothers good manifeſted.

4. Because thus they show a mutual desire of bringing497 God’s blessing on each other, and upon their whole family.

  1. 497. 5. A desire of one anothers good manifested.

§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.

§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutual help in hospitality.

Contrary to this dutie is for the moſt part couetouſneſſe in the husband, and laſineſſe in the wife. The man, becauſe the charge of the family lieth on him, diſtruſtfully feareth leſt he ſhould want for his owne.

Contrary to this duty is for the most part covetousness in the husband, and laziness in the wife. The man, because the charge of the family lieth on him, distrustfully feareth lest he should want for his own.

I denie not but that a prouident care for our owne, & namely for them of the family, is needfull and commendable,498 he that prouideth not for them is worſe then an infidell: ſo as a man may be ouerlauiſh in giuing entertainment, if he goe beyond his meanes, impoueriſh his eſtate, and diſable himſelfe to prouide for his owne, as many doe: yet when a man hath ſufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no iuſt cauſe, but meerely vpon an vndue feare too carkingly, and diſtruſtfully to pinch, and grudge to giue entertaiment to any, is vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian, yea alſo to be worſe then an infidell; not worthy to haue an houſe, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common ſociety.

  1. 498. 1 Tim. 5. 8. [moved in the edition]

I deny not but that a provident care for our own, & namely for them of the family, is needful and commendable, he that provideth not for them is worse then an infidel:498 so as a man may be overlavish in giving entertainment, if he go beyond his means, impoverish his estate, and disable himself to provide for his own, as many do: yet when a man hath sufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no just cause, but merely upon an undue fear too carkingly, and distrustfully to pinch, and grudge to give entertainment to any, is unbeseeming a Christian, yea also to be worse then an infidel; not worthy to have an house, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common society.

  1. 498. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸8. [moved here by the editor]

The woman on the other ſide grudgeth at the paines ſhe muſt take, and trouble ſhe muſt vndergoe about entertaining gueſts, and thereupon is loth that any at any time ſhould come to their houſe.

The woman on the other side grudgeth at the pains she must take, and trouble she must undergo about entertaining guests, and thereupon is loth that any at any time should come to their house.

Concerning a wife, I denie not but that an husband may be in this kinde ouerburdenſome to her, by being too ioueall, as they ſpeake, and bringing gueſts too often into the houſe, eſpecially if they be gueſts of no good name; and by that meanes make her euen weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuſe all paines in that kinde, and to be diſcontented when her husband inuites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) vnawares, argueth not a louing affection, nor a wiuelike ſubiection vnto her husband, to be in her.

Concerning a wife, I deny not but that an husband may be in this kind overburdensome to her, by being too jovial, as they speak, and bringing guests too often into the house, especially if they be guests of no good name; and by that means make her even weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuse all pains in that kind, and to be discontented when her husband invites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) unawares, argueth not a loving affection, nor a wivelike subjection unto her husband, to be in her.

Theſe faults are ſo much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their owne kindred p. 264 and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariſeth much heart-burning of one againſt the other: yea much iarre and contention betwixt them: and from diſlike of the practiſe of one another in this kinde oft followeth a diſlike of one anothers perſon: ſo that as the fault is bad in it ſelfe, it proues to be much worſe in the miſchiefes that follow vpon it.

These faults are so much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their own kindred and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariseth much heart-burning of one against the other: yea much jar and contention betwixt them: and from dislike of the practise of one another in this kind oft followeth a dislike of one anothers person: so that as the fault is bad in it self, it proves to be much worse in the mischiefs that follow upon it.

§. 44. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in releeuing the poore.

§. 44. Of husbands and wives mutual help in relieving the poor.

The laſt common and ioynt dutie wherein husband and wife ought to be helpfull each to other, reſpecteth thoſe that are without the houſe, namely the poore, and ſuch as ſtand in need of their helpe, who are to be releeued and ſuccoured. Becauſe man and wife vſually meale together, and are ioynt partakers of Gods good creatures, they muſt put one another in minde of that precept of charity which was giuen to the Iewes when they were at their meales,499 ſend part vnto them for whom none is prouided. The good wife which is ſet forth by the holy Ghoſt for a patterne and example vnto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpfull one to another in this dutie: for ſhe is ſaid500 to ſtretch out her hand to the poore, and to the needy: and he is ſaid501 to praiſe her, thereby incouraging her to hold on in doing thoſe good things which ſhe did. What liberty the wife hath, or howfar forth ſhe may be reſtrained in caſe her husband vtterly refuſe to giue conſent, we ſhall502 hereafter declare in the particular duties of wiues: the point here noted is, that both the huſband himſelfe muſt according to his abilitie be bountifull to the poore, and ſuffer his wife, yea prouoke her ſo to be, and withall allow her wherewithall to be bountifull: and that the wife alſo muſt ſtirre vp her husband to liberalitie in this reſpect, and her ſelfe open her hand to the poore in the things which lawfully ſhe may giue.

  1. 499. Neh. 8. 10. [moved in the edition]
  2. 500. Pro. 31. 20. [moved in the edition]
  3. 501. Verſ. 28. [moved in the edition]
  4. 502. Treat. 3. §. 23. 33.

The last common and joint duty wherein husband and wife ought to be helpful each to other, respecteth those that are without the house, namely the poor, and such as stand in need of their help, who are to be relieved and succoured. Because man and wife usually meal together, and are joint partakers of God’s good creatures, they must put one another in mind of that precept of charity which was given to the Jews when they were at their meals, send part unto them for whom none is provided.499 The good wife which is set forth by the Holy Ghost for a pattern and example unto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpful one to another in this duty: for she is said to stretch out her hand to the poor, and to the needy:500 and he is said to praise her,501 thereby encouraging her to hold on in doing those good things which she did. What liberty the wife hath, or how far forth she may be restrained in case her husband utterly refuse to give consent, we shall502 hereafter declare in the particular duties of wives: the point here noted is, that both the husband himself must according to his ability be bountiful to the poor, and suffer his wife, yea provoke her so to be, and withal allow her wherewithal to be bountiful: and that the wife also must stir up her husband to liberality in this respect, and her self open her hand to the poor in the things which lawfully she may give.

  1. 499. Neh‸ 8:‸10. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 500. Prov 31:‸20. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 501. Vers. 28. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 502. Treat. 3. §. 23. 33.

There is nothing wherby a man or wife can bring more profit to the houſe, then by giuing to the poore: that which is giuen p. 265 to the poore is503 lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increaſe: it is as504 ſeed, which being liberally ſowen, will bring forth a plentifull harueſt: yea, it is a meanes to make vs505 friends, to ſpeake a good word for vs at the barre of Chriſts iudgement ſeat: and it bringeth not only the506 bleſſing of men, but507 of God alſo, euen the greateſt bleſsing of all, the508 bleſsing of eternall life: for it is509 a ſacrifice with which God is well pleaſed. The Apoſtle noteth this to be one of Chriſts oracles, which by word of mouth he left vnto his Diſciples,510 It is more bleſſed to giue then to receiue.

  1. 503. Prou. 19. 17. [moved in the edition]
  2. 504. 2 Cor. 9. 6. [moved in the edition]
  3. 505. Luke 16. 9. [moved in the edition]
  4. 506. Iob 29. 13. & 31. 20. [moved in the edition]
  5. 507. Matth. 5. 7. [moved in the edition]
  6. 508. Mat. 25. 34.
  7. 509. Heb. 13. 16. [moved in the edition]
  8. 510. Acts 20. 35. [moved in the edition]

There is nothing whereby a man or wife can bring more profit to the house, then by giving to the poor: that which is given to the poor is lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increase:503 it is as seed,504 which being liberally sown, will bring forth a plentiful harvest: yea, it is a means to make us friends,505 to speak a good word for us at the bar of Christ’s judgment seat: and it bringeth not only the blessing of men,506 but of God507 also, even the greatest blessing of all, the508 blessing of eternal life: for it is a sacrifice with which God is well pleased.509 The Apostle noteth this to be one of Christ’s oracles, which by word of mouth he left unto his Disciples, It is more blessed to give then to receive.510

  1. 503. Prov‸ 19:‸17. [moved here by the editor]
  2. 504. 2 Cor‸ 9:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
  3. 505. Luke 16:‸9. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 506. Job 29:‸13; 31:‸20. [moved here by the editor]
  5. 507. Matt 5:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
  6. 508. Matt 25:‸34.
  7. 509. Heb‸ 13:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
  8. 510. Acts 20:‸35. [moved here by the editor]

Beſides, husbands and wiues in diſtributing almes, may receiue511 good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be releeued (for commonly huſbands better know thoſe which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fitteſt to be giuen away: for wiues commonly know of what things there is greateſt ſtore, and what may in the houſe be beſt ſpared.

  1. 511. 2. Husband and wife in place to giue good direction one to another.

Besides, husbands and wives in distributing alms, may receive511 good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be relieved (for commonly husbands better know those which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fittest to be given away: for wives commonly know of what things there is greatest store, and what may in the house be best spared.

  1. 511. 2. Husband and wife in place to give good direction one to another.

§. 45. Of husbands and wiues vnmercifulneſſe to the poore.

§. 45. Of husbands and wives unmercifulness to the poor.

Contrarie is the vnmercifulneſſe of many husbands, who512 are not only hard-hearted themſelues (neuer giuing any thing vnleſſe by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part513 with that which is giuen, ſo grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for514 God loueth a cheerfull giuer) but alſo tie their wiues hands, and ſuffer them to giue nothing. Wherein515 they bring both the cry of the poore, and alſo the groanes and griefe of a mercifull wife who is thus reſtrained, vpon their owne necks, and aggrauate their ſinne in an high degree.

  1. 512. Vices contrarie.
  2. 513. 1. Vnmercifulneſſe of the husband.
  3. 514. 2 Cor. 9. 7. [moved in the edition]
  4. 515. 2. Binding his wiues hands.

Contrary is the unmercifulness of many husbands, who512 are not only hard-hearted themselves (never giving any thing unless by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part513 with that which is given, so grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for God loveth a cheerful giver)514 but also tie their wives hands, and suffer them to give nothing. Wherein515 they bring both the cry of the poor, and also the groans and grief of a merciful wife who is thus restrained, upon their own necks, and aggravate their sin in an high degree.

  1. 512. Vices contrary.
  2. 513. 1. Unmercifulness of the husband.
  3. 514. 2 Cor‸ 9:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
  4. 515. 2. Binding his wives hands.

On the other ſide, the vnmercifulneſſe of many wiues is alſo contrarie to the forenamed dutie: for there are many, who though they haue libertie to giue of the common goods, and alſo allowance of their owne out of which they may giue, yet couetouſly hoord vp all they can get, giue not a pennies worth, out rather ſuffer victuals and other things to periſh in the houſe, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilſt it is good ſhould be giuen out of the houſe. Shall not the creatures which are ſpoiled in an houſe, p. 266 and the poore that haue wanted, make a loud crie in the eares516 of the Lord againſt them? Yea further, many wiues are grieued at their husbands bountie, and ſtill mouing him to ſhut his hand, and giue no more. Are they not plaine deuils herein, oppoſing againſt that which is good?

  1. 516. Read Iam. 5. 1, 2. &c.

On the other side, the unmercifulness of many wives is also contrary to the forenamed duty: for there are many, who though they have liberty to give of the common goods, and also allowance of their own out of which they may give, yet covetously hoard up all they can get, give not a pennies worth, but rather suffer victuals and other things to perish in the house, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilst it is good should be given out of the house. Shall not the creatures which are spoiled in an house, and the poor that have wanted, make a loud cry in the ears516 of the Lord against them? Yea further, many wives are grieved at their husbands bounty, and still moving him to shut his hand, and give no more. Are they not plain devils herein, opposing against that which is good?

  1. 516. Read Jas 5:‸1, 2. etc‸.