Then & Now · Volume III · 8 of 10
Parents Admonishing and Correcting Children
Parents Admonishing and Correcting Children
§. 42. Of adding admonition to inſtruction.
§. 42. Of adding admonition to instruction.
p. 549 Both of them are implied in this text: one in the word tranſlated admonition, which (according to the notation of the649 Greeke word) is a putting of a thing into the mind, an vrging and preſſing of it: the other in the word tranſlated nurture.650
Now both theſe are to be ioyned together, as being very helpfull each to other. For admonition without correction is like to proue but meere vanity: and correction without admonition will be too much auſterity.
Now both these are to be joined together, as being very helpful each to other. For admonition without correction is like to prove but mere vanity: and correction without admonition will be too much austerity.
The dutie which the firſt of theſe ſetteth forth, is this,
The duty which the first of these setteth forth, is this,
Parents muſt oft whet inſtruction vpon their children: they651 may not thinke it enough to tell their children what they ought to doe, but to inſtruction they muſt adde admonition: and, as it were, beat into their childrens heads the leſſons which they teach them: that ſo they may make a deeper impreſſion in their hearts. Thus ſhall their inſtructions be like the words of the wiſe which are as nailes faſtened, or faſt knocked652 in: they remain firme where they are once faſtened, and cannot eaſily be pluckt out: for as many blowes doe knocke a naile vp to the head (as we ſpeake) ſo many admonitions doe ſettle good inſtructions in a childes heart, and cauſe that the heart be eſtabliſhed in that which is taught,653 which is a thing to be laboured after. The generall exhortation of being654 inſtant in ſeaſon and out of ſeaſon may be applied to this purpoſe: but more pertinently that655 direction which is in particular giuen to parents of whetting Gods words vpon their children.
- 651. Annuncia, praecipe, impera, ſuade eis, &c. Aug. de ſalut. docum. cap. 29.
- 652. Eccl. 12. 11.
- 653. Heb. 13. 9.
- 654. 2 Tim. 4. 2. [moved in the edition]
- 655. Deut. 6. 7. שנן Acuit. in Piel acuit valde, vel frequenter. Metaphora ducta à gladio, qui dum acuitur ſaepius impellitur ad cotem. Vatab. in annot. in hunc loc. vide Treat. 1. §. 120.
Parents must oft whet instruction upon their children: they651 may not think it enough to tell their children what they ought to do, but to instruction they must add admonition: and, as it were, beat into their children’s heads the lessons which they teach them: that so they may make a deeper impression in their hearts. Thus shall their instructions be like the words of the wise which are as nails fastened, or fast knocked652 in: they remain firm where they are once fastened, and cannot easily be pluckt out: for as many blows do knock a nail up to the head (as we speak) so many admonitions do settle good instructions in a childes heart, and cause that the heart be established in that which is taught,653 which is a thing to be laboured after. The general exhortation of being instant in season and out of season654 may be applied to this purpose: but more pertinently that655 direction which is in particular given to parents of whetting God’s words upon their children.
- 651. Annuncia, praecipe, impera, suade eis, etc‸. Aug. de salut. docum. cap. 29.
- 652. Eccl‸ 12:‸11.
- 653. Heb‸ 13:‸9.
- 654. 2 Tim‸ 4:‸2. [moved here by the editor]
- 655. Deut‸ 6:‸7. שנן Acuit. in Piel acuit valde, vel frequenter. Metaphora ducta à gladio, qui dum acuitur saepius impellitur ad cotem. Vatab. in annot. in hunc loc. vide Treat. 1. §. 120.
To this purpoſe is it that Solomon vſeth to double his inſtructions, and vrge them againe and againe, as656 heare the inſtruction, forſake not the law:657 receiue my words, hide my commandements within thee: incline thine eares, apply thy heart, &c. yea of the repeateth the very ſame precepts.
The apprehenſion of children is fickle, and their memory weake: if they be but once, or ſeldome, or ſleightly inſtructed, that which is taught will ſoone ſlip away, and doe little or no good.
The apprehension of children is fickle, and their memory weak: if they be but once, or seldom, or slightly instructed, that which is taught will soon slip away, and do little or no good.
For the better performing of this dutie, parents muſt thinke of the beſt meanes they can to faſten their inſtructions vpon their children: and obſerue their inclination and diſpoſition, and ſee with what they are moſt moued. Conſtant exhortations, p. 550 and powerfull perſwaſions are compriſed vnder admonition, which in their kindes, as occaſion requireth, are to be vſed.
For the better performing of this duty, parents must think of the best means they can to fasten their instructions upon their children: and observe their inclination and disposition, and see with what they are most moved. Constant exhortations, and powerful persuasions are comprised under admonition, which in their kinds, as occasion requireth, are to be used.
§. 43. Of parents weariſomneſſe in inſtructing their children.
§. 43. Of parents wearisomeness in instructing their children.
Contrary is the practiſe of thoſe parents who ſoone waxe weary in inſtructing their children. The Apoſtle laieth it downe as a generall caueat in good duties that we wax not658 weary: if in no good thing we muſt wax weary, ſhall parents wax weary in doing good to their children? Yet how many be there that hauing once taught their children, thinke they haue done dutie enough in that kinde: if their children will take it, they may. They are loth to take too much paines in often vrging the points which they haue taught them.
- 658. Gal. 6. 9.
Contrary is the practise of those parents who soon wax weary in instructing their children. The Apostle laieth it down as a general caveat in good duties that we wax not658 weary: if in no good thing we must wax weary, shall parents wax weary in doing good to their children? Yet how many be there that having once taught their children, think they have done duty enough in that kind: if their children will take it, they may. They are loth to take too much pains in often urging the points which they have taught them.
- 658. Gal‸ 6:‸9.
Thus that teaching vaniſheth away: and ſo it falleth out, as we ſay in the prouerbe, as good not at all as neuer the better. This is one point wherein old Eli failed: for he gaue very good inſtruction to his children: but becauſe he there ſtaied, neither was that accepted of God as a ſufficient diſcharge of his duty, nor were his children any whit bettered thereby. If this were a fault in him notwithſtanding his children were come to yeares of diſcretion, and to ripeneſſe of vnderſtanding, how much greater is the fault in thoſe whoſe children are but young?
Thus that teaching vanisheth away: and so it falleth out, as we say in the proverb, as good not at all as never the better. This is one point wherein old Eli failed: for he gave very good instruction to his children: but because he there stayed, neither was that accepted of God as a sufficient discharge of his duty, nor were his children any whit bettered thereby. If this were a fault in him notwithstanding his children were come to years of discretion, and to ripeness of understanding, how much greater is the fault in those whose children are but young?
Obiect. If a childe take not inſtruction at firſt, he is but of an vntoward and peruerſe diſpoſition: all the paines that can be taken will be loſt.
Object. If a child take not instruction at first, he is but of an untoward and perverse disposition: all the pains that can be taken will be lost.
Anſw. It may be childiſhneſſe rather then peruerſneſſe, or ſome imperfection, rather then obſtinacy. Conſidering the neceſſity of good nurture, no paines may be thought too much. There is more peruerſeneſſe, and vntowardneſſe in ſuch parents as wax weary in doing this dutie, then in ſuch children as at firſt are not wrought vpon: for this is a means ordained of God to cure this vntowardneſſe.
Answ. It may be childishness rather then perverseness, or some imperfection, rather then obstinacy. Considering the necessity of good nurture, no pains may be thought too much. There is more perverseness, and untowardness in such parents as wax weary in doing this duty, then in such children as at first are not wrought upon: for this is a means ordained of God to cure this untowardness.
§. 44. Of parents reprouing their children.
§. 44. Of parents reproving their children.
The other meanes of helping nurture is correction.
The other means of helping nurture is correction.
Which is of two ſorts; Verball, by Words.
Reall, Blowes.
Which is of two sorts; verbal‸ by words, and real by blows.
The former is reprehenſion: and it muſt alwaies goe before p. 551 the latter, which is moſt vſually and properly called Correction.
The former is reprehension: and it must always go before the latter, which is most usually and properly called Correction.
Reprehenſion is a kinde of middle thing betwixt admonition and correction: it is a ſharpe admonition, but a milde correction.
Reprehension is a kind of middle thing betwixt admonition and correction: it is a sharp admonition, but a mild correction.
It is the rather to be vſed becauſe it may be a meanes to preuent ſtrokes and blowes, eſpecially in ingenuous, and good natured children (for659 a reproofe entereth more into him that is wiſe, then a hundred ſtripes into a foole) and becauſe it may be vſed, when it is not ſo meet to vſe ſtrokes and blowes: as when children are growne to man-age.
- 659. Pro. 17. 10. [moved in the edition]
It is the rather to be used because it may be a means to prevent strokes and blows, especially in ingenuous, and good natured children (for a reproof entereth more into him that is wise, then a hundred stripes into a fool)659 and because it may be used, when it is not so meet to use strokes and blows: as when children are grown to man-age.
- 659. Prov 17:‸10. [moved here by the editor]
The many good fruits which the holy Ghoſt noteth to proceed from due reproofe doe ſhew that it is a dutie whereof parents ought to make conſcience as they deſire to promote the good of their children: and ſo much the rather becauſe many good fruits redound to the parents that reproue, as well as to the children reproued. In regard of their good who are reproued, it is ſaid,660 Reproofes for inſtruction are the way of life: they cauſe661 vnderſtanding; and make662 prudent. In regard of their good who reproue, it is ſaid,663 To them that rebuke ſhall be delight (that is, much comfort and matter of reioycing, ſo as they ſhall not need to repent what they haue done) and a bleſſing of good ſhall come vpon them, that is, either a bleſſing of good men, who will bleſſe, praiſe and commend them: or a bleſſing of good things, and that from the Lord who will reward them for this conſcionable performance of their dutie.
The many good fruits which the Holy Ghost noteth to proceed from due reproof do show that it is a duty whereof parents ought to make conscience as they desire to promote the good of their children: and so much the rather because many good fruits redound to the parents that reprove, as well as to the children reproved. In regard of their good who are reproved, it is said, Reproofs for instruction are the way of life:660 they cause understanding;661 and make prudent.662 In regard of their good who reprove, it is said, To them that rebuke shall be delight663 (that is, much comfort and matter of rejoicing, so as they shall not need to repent what they have done) and a blessing of good shall come upon them, that is, either a blessing of good men, who will bless, praise and commend them: or a blessing of good things, and that from the Lord who will reward them for this conscionable performance of their duty.
Vpon theſe grounds664 holy men haue not ſpared to rebuke their children as there was occaſion. Though665 Eli did ſomewhat in this duty, yet becauſe he was not more ſeuere therein, he brought deſtruction both vpon himſelfe and his children.
The direction noted §. 40. and 47. and Treat. 4. §. 35. may be here applied.
The direction noted §. 40. and 47. and Treat. 4. §. 35. may be here applied.
§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.
§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.
Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are loth to giue them a foule word. Dauid (though otherwiſe a very wiſe man) herein manifeſted much folly, for he diſpleaſed not Adoniah at any time in ſaying, why haſt thou done ſo? and like p. 552 enough it is, that alſo he ſo cockered his other rebellious ſonne Abſolom. Note the fearefull iſſue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not diſpleaſe them, yet they cared not to diſpleaſe their father, yea to grieue his heart, and vex his ſoule. The like may all fooliſh doting parents looke for at their childrens hands. For firſt parents by neglect of this dutie highly diſpleaſe God: therefore in iuſt reuenge will God giue their children ouer to666 diſpleaſe and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproofe is a meanes to make children rude, preſumptuous, rebellious, and ſo careleſſe to pleaſe their parents. Yea all things where in children offend through want of education ſhall be required at their parents hands.
- 666. Omnia quae deliquerint filij, de parentibus requiruntur qui non erudierint ſilios ſuos. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1.
Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are loth to give them a foul word. David (though otherwise a ‸very wise man) herein manifested much folly, for he displeased not Adonijah at any time in saying, why hast thou done so? and like enough it is, that also he so cockered his other rebellious son Absalom. Note the fearful issue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not displease them, yet they cared not to displease their father, yea to grieve his heart, and vex his soul. The like may all foolish doting parents look for at their children’s hands. For first parents by neglect of this duty highly displease God: therefore in just revenge will God give their children over to666 displease and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproof is a means to make children rude, presumptuous, rebellious, and so careless to please their parents. Yea all things wherein children offend through want of education shall be required at their parents hands.
- 666. Omnia quae deliquerint filij, de parentibus requiruntur qui non erudierint filios suos. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1.
§. 46. Of correcting children.
§. 46. Of correcting children.
The latter and more proper kinde of correction which is by ſtripes and blowes is alſo a meanes appointed by God to helpe the good nurture and education of children. It is the laſt remedy which a parent can vſe: a remedy which may doe good when nothing elſe can.
The latter and more proper kind of correction which is by stripes and blows is also a means appointed by God to help the good nurture and education of children. It is the last remedy which a parent can use: a remedy which may do good when nothing else can.
It is by the holy Ghoſt both expreſly commanded, and alſo very oft preſſed vnder theſe and ſuch like phraſes,667 Chaſten thy ſonne:668 correct thy ſonne:669 with-hold not correction from the childe:670 thou ſhalt ſmite him with the rod. Were there no other motiue, this were ſufficient. Gods charge was ſuch a motiue to Abraham, as at it he would haue ſacrificed his ſonne:671 and wilt not thou at Gods command correct thy childe?
It is by the Holy Ghost both expressly commanded, and also very oft pressed under these and such like phrases, Chasten thy son:667 correct thy son:668 with-hold not correction from the child:669 thou shalt smite him with the rod.670 Were there no other motive, this were sufficient. God’s charge was such a motive to Abraham, as at it he would have sacrificed his son:671 and wilt not thou at God’s command correct thy child?
It is further commended by Gods owne example, which is not only ſet forth in ſome particular inſtances, but by his generall conſtant dealing with all, and that as an eſpeciall token and fruit of his loue. For whom the Lord loueth he chaſteneth,672 and ſcourgeth euery ſonne whom he receiueth. If ye be without chaſtiſement wherof all are partakers, then are ye baſtards and not ſonnes. Let this example of God be well weighed, for it is of great weight. Who can better tell what kinde of dealing is fitteſt for children then God? Who can better nurture children then God? Who doth more truly aime at, and procure the good of children then God? Yea who doth more tender children then God? If God the father of ſpirits in wiſdome and p. 553 loue thus deale with his children, fathers of the fleſh may not thinke by the contrary to ſhew wiſdome or loue. Their wiſdome will be folly, their loue hatred. Vpon theſe grounds it is taken for a thing granted, that parents (who tender the good of their children as they ſhould) doe chaſtiſe their children as need requireth: for it is ſaid, that the673 Lord correcteth whom he loueth, as a father the ſonne in whom he delighteth. If parents vſed it not, this were no good inference to ſay, as a father: againe, as a thing without controuerſie it is ſaid,674 we haue had fathers of our fleſh which corrected vs.
It is further commended by God’s own example, which is not only set forth in some particular instances, but by his general constant dealing with all, and that as an especial token and fruit of his love. For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth,672 and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye be without chastisement whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons. Let this example of God be well weighed, for it is of great weight. Who can better tell what kind of dealing is fittest for children then God? Who can better nurture children then God? Who doth more truly aim at, and procure the good of children then God? Yea who doth more tender children then God? If God the father of spirits in wisdom and love thus deal with his children, fathers of the flesh may not think by the contrary to show wisdom or love. Their wisdom will be folly, their love hatred. Upon these grounds it is taken for a thing granted, that parents (who tender the good of their children as they should) do chastise their children as need requireth: for it is said, that the673 Lord correcteth whom he loveth, as a father the son in whom he delighteth. If parents used it not, this were no good inference to say, as a father: again, as a thing without controversy it is said, we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us.674
Correction is as phyſicke to purge out much corruption676 which lurketh in children, and as a ſalue to heale many wounds and ſores made by their folly. In which reſpect Solomon ſaith, that677 Fooliſhneſſe is bound in the heart of a childe, but the rod of correction ſhall driue it farre from him: and againe,678 The blewneſſe of a wound is a purging medicine againſt euill: ſo doe ſtripes the inward parts of the belly. In regard of the inward operation of this phyſicke, correction is further ſaid to preſerue a childe from death, (679 if thou beatest him he ſhall not die) and that not only from temporall death (as many children are thus preſerued from the Magiſtrates ſword) but alſo from eternall death (680 thou ſhalt deliuer his ſoule from hell.) Note this ye cockering parents, whoſe ouer-much lenitie is very great crueltie. For may we not iuſtly count him a cruell parent, that ſhould ſuffer diſeaſes, boiles, ſores, and wounds to remaine, increaſe, and feſter in his childe, and giue him no phyſicke, nor apply any plaiſters, or medicines to him? Nay rather who ſeeth his ſonne running into a flaming fire, or deepe water, and would not hold him backe? Euen ſo cruell, and more cruell are they, who ſuffer their children to runne on in euill, rather then correct them.
Correction is as physic to purge out much corruption676 which lurketh in children, and as a salve to heal many wounds and sores made by their folly. In which respect Solomon saith, that Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him:677 and again, The blueness of a wound is a purging medicine against evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.678 In regard of the inward operation of this physic, correction is further said to preserve a child from death,679 (‸if thou beatest him he shall not die) and that not only from temporal death (as many children are thus preserved from the Magistrates sword) but also from eternal death680 (‸thou shalt deliver his soul from hell.) note this ye cockering parents, whose over-much lenity is very great cruelty. For may we not justly count him a cruel parent, that should suffer diseases, boils, sores, and wounds to remain, increase, and fester in his child, and give him no physic, nor apply any plaisters, or medicines to him? Nay rather who seeth his son running into a flaming fire, or deep water, and would not hold him back? Even so cruel, and more cruel are they, who suffer their children to run on in evil, rather then correct them.
Obiect. Who can endure to make his owne childe ſmart, and to put him to paine?
Object. Who can endure to make his own child smart, and to put him to pain?
Anſw. The future fruit is more to be conſidered, then the preſent paine. Potions, pills, and coraſiues, are fulſome, bitter, p. 554 and painfull; but becauſe there is a neceſſitie of vſing them, and great miſchiefe is preuented by the vſe of them, wiſe parents will not forbeare them for the ſenſible bitterneſſe, and paine. Fitly doth the Apoſtle thus anſwer that obiection, No chaſtning for the681 preſent ſeemeth to be ioyous, but grieuous; neuertheleſſe, afterward it yeeldeth the peaceable fruit of righteouſneſſe. This may be applied to parents corrections as well as to Gods.
- 681. Heb. 12. 11.
Answ. The future fruit is more to be considered, then the present pain. Potions, pills, and corrosives, are fulsome, bitter, and painful; but because there is a necessity of using them, and great mischief is prevented by the use of them, wise parents will not forbear them for the sensible bitterness, and pain. Fitly doth the Apostle thus answer that objection, No chastening for the681 present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness. This may be applied to parents corrections as well as to God’s.
- 681. Heb‸ 12:‸11.
The good which correction bringeth to children, is by Solomon noted in this and ſuch like phraſes, The rod giueth wiſdome:682 for it maketh children obſerue, what is good, and what euill; what commendable, and what blame-worthy: and accordingly to doe the good, and leaue the euill, which is a great point of wiſdome.
- 682. Pro. 29. 15.
The good which correction bringeth to children, is by Solomon noted in this and such like phrases, The rod giveth wisdom:682 for it maketh children observe, what is good, and what evil; what commendable, and what blame-worthy: and accordingly to do the good, and leave the evil, which is a great point of wisdom.
- 682. Prov 29:‸15.
Obiect. Inſtruction will better doe this.
Object. Instruction will better do this.
1. It ſpareth them much paines. For many admonitions oft repeated, and inculcated againe and againe, will not make many children ſo much to heed wholſome and good aduice, as a little correction. They are much more ſenſible of ſmart, then of words.
1. It spareth them much pains. For many admonitions oft repeated, and inculcated again and again, will not make many children so much to heed wholesome and good advice, as a little correction. They are much more sensible of smart, then of words.
2. It preuenteth much griefe, ſhame, and vexation: for685 a fooliſh ſonne is a griefe to his father, and bitterneſſe to her that bare him. But it is686 the rod of correction that driueth away fooliſhneſſe, and ſo preuenteth that griefe and bitterneſſe.
3. It freeth them from the guilt of their childrens ſinne, ſo as they are not acceſſarie thereto, as687 Eli was. For correction is the laſt remedie that a parent can vſe: if by that he can doe no good, it is preſuppoſed that he hath done his vttermoſt endeuour: in which reſpect, though the childe die in his ſinne, yet the parent hath deliuered his owne ſoule.
- 687. Sam. 3. 13. [moved in the edition]
3. It freeth them from the guilt of their children’s sin, so as they are not accessary thereto, as Eli687 was. For correction is the last remedy that a parent can use: if by that he can do no good, it is presupposed that he hath done his uttermost endeavour: in which respect, though the child die in his sin, yet the parent hath delivered his own soul.
- 687. 1 Sam‸ 3:‸13. [moved here by the editor]
The quiet which is brought to parents by correcting their children, is thus noted out by Solomon,688 Correct thy ſonne, and he ſhall giue thee rest, yea he ſhall giue delight vnto thy ſoule. For children well nurtured, and by correction kept in a filiall awe, p. 555 will ſo carrie themſelues, as their parents may reſt ſomewhat ſecure, and not diſquiet themſelues (as they doe with children ſet at libertie) yea, as trees well pruned, and ground well tilled, they will bring forth pleaſant and abundant fruit; and ſo their parents will haue iuſt cauſe to reioyce in them.
- 688. Pro. 29. 17. [moved in the edition]
The quiet which is brought to parents by correcting their children, is thus noted out by Solomon, Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea he shall give delight unto thy soul.688 For children well nurtured, and by correction kept in a filial awe, will so carry themselves, as their parents may rest somewhat secure, and not disquiet themselves (as they do with children set at liberty) yea, as trees well pruned, and ground well tilled, they will bring forth pleasant and abundant fruit; and so their parents will have just cause to rejoice in them.
- 688. Prov 29:‸17. [moved here by the editor]
§. 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.
§. 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.
For well vſing this biting coraſiue of correction, parents muſt haue reſpect to the matter for which they doe correct, and to their manner of correcting.
For well using this biting corrosive of correction, parents must have respect to the matter for which they do correct, and to their manner of correcting.
1. That they be ſure there is a fault committed: that ſo there be iuſt cauſe of correcting: elſe more hurt then good will proceed from thence. If a coraſiue be laid where there is no ſore, it will make one. If correction be vniuſtly giuen, it may prouoke to wrath, but will doe little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made vnlike to God, for that many times they correct after their owne pleaſure: which is a point of great iniuſtice.690
- 690. Heb. 12. 10. [moved in the edition]
1. That they be sure there is a fault committed: that so there be just cause of correcting: else more hurt then good will proceed from thence. If a corrosive be laid where there is no sore, it will make one. If correction be unjustly given, it may provoke to wrath, but will do little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made unlike to God,690 for that many times they correct after their own pleasure: which is a point of great injustice.
- 690. Heb‸ 12:‸10. [moved here by the editor]
2. That the fault be made knowne to the childe corrected: and he apparantly conuinced thereof. Correction muſt be for inſtruction, which cannot be, except the childe know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus a firſt proceeded with the ſerpent,691 with Eue, and with Adam. Thus Iudges proceed in puniſhing malefactors. Yea thus will men deale with a dog. Should they not much more with a childe?
- 691. Gen. 3. 11, &c.
2. That the fault be made known to the child corrected: and he apparently convinced thereof. Correction must be for instruction, which cannot be, except the child know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus at first proceeded with the serpent,691 with Eve, and with Adam. Thus Judges proceed in punishing malefactors. Yea thus will men deal with a dog. Should they not much more with a child?
- 691. Gen‸ 3:‸11, etc‸.
3. That the faults be ſuch eſpecially, as the parents can ſhew to their children (if at leaſt they be of ſo much diſcretion) to be againſt Gods word; as ſwearing, lying, pilfring, and the like: for 1. theſe are moſt dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. the childe corrected will thus be the better euicted of his fault, the more condemne himſelfe, and more contentedly beare the correction.
3. That the faults be such especially, as the parents can show to their children (if at least they be of so much discretion) to be against God’s word; as swearing, lying, pilfering, and the like: for 1. These are most dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. The child corrected will thus be the better evicted of his fault, the more condemn himself, and more contentedly bear the correction.
The generall rules are theſe.
The general rules are these.
1. An eye muſt be had to Gods manner of correcting his children, and in particular of Gods correcting the parent himſelfe: p. 556 no better generall direction can be giuen: for Gods patterne is a perfect rule.
1. An eye must be had to God’s manner of correcting his children, and in particular of God’s correcting the parent himself: no better general direction can be given: for God’s pattern is a perfect rule.
2. Prayer muſt be made by parents for themſelues and for their children: for themſelues, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good Phyſitians in miniſtring phyſicke. In all duties is prayer to be vſed; eſpecially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his owne intemperate paſſion, and partly through the childs impatiencie, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impoſe vpon all, whenſoeuer they take vp the rod, to goe and make a ſolemne prayer, but to lift vp the heart for direction and bleſſing.
2. Prayer must be made by parents for themselves and for their children: for themselves, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good Physicians in ministering physic. In all duties is prayer to be used; especially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his own intemperate passion, and partly through the childs impatiency, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impose upon all, whensoever they take up the rod, to go and make a solemn prayer, but to lift up the heart for direction and blessing.
3. Correction muſt be giuen in loue. All things muſt be done in693 loue: much more this, that carieth a ſhew of anger and hatred. In loue they will giue phyſicke to their children, and ſplinter a ioynt, if need be. God correcteth his children in loue: ſo muſt694 parents. Loue will make them doe it with tenderneſſe and compaſſion.
3. Correction must be given in love. All things must be done in693 love: much more this, that carrieth a show of anger and hatred. In love they will give physic to their children, and splinter a joint, if need be. God correcteth his children in love:694 so must parents. Love will make them do it with tenderness and compassion.
4. Correction muſt be giuen in a milde moode, when the affections695 are well ordered, and not diſtempered with choler, rage, furie, and other like paſſions. Diſturbed paſſions caſt a miſt before the vnderſtanding, ſo as a man cannot diſcerne what is enough, what too much. When paſſion is moued, correction muſt be deferred. God correcteth in meaſure.
- 695. Nunquam, iratus qui accedit ad poenam, mediocritatem tenebit, Cic. Offic. lib. 1. Ier. 10. 11. Foure particular rules for the manner of correcting.
4. Correction must be given in a mild mood, when the affections695 are well ordered, and not distempered with choler, rage, fury, and other like passions. Disturbed passions cast a mist before the understanding, so as a man cannot discern what is enough, what too much. When passion is moved, correction must be deferred. God correcteth in measure.
- 695. Nunquam, iratus qui accedit ad poenam, mediocritatem tenebit, Cic. Offic. lib. 1. Jer‸ 30:‸11. Four particular rules for the manner of correcting.
The particular rules are theſe.
The particular rules are these.
1. Due order muſt be kept. Correction by word muſt goe before correction by the rod.696 I rebuke and chaſten, ſaith the Lord. Thus a parent will ſhew that he taketh no delight in ſmiting his childe: it is neceſſitie that forceth him thereunto. Thus a parent ſheweth himſelfe like to God, who doth not puniſh willingly, Lam. 3. 33. Phyſitians, when they miniſter ſtrong phyſicke, will giue a preparatiue: rebuke may be as a preparatiue. Good and pitifull Chirurgions will try all other meanes before they come to launce and ſeere.
- 696. Reu. 3. 19. Vt ad vrendum & ſecandum medici, ſic nos ad caſtigandū, rarò, inuitique veniamus, nec vnquam niſi neceſſario, ſinulla reperietur alia medicina. Cic. Offic. lib. 1. [moved in the edition]
1. Due order must be kept. Correction by word must go before correction by the rod. I rebuke and chasten,696 saith the Lord. Thus a parent will show that he taketh no delight in smiting his child: it is necessity that forceth him thereunto. Thus a parent showeth himself like to God, who doth not punish willingly, Lam‸ 3:‸33. Physicians, when they minister strong physic, will give a preparative: rebuke may be as a preparative. Good and pitiful Chirurgions will try all other means before they come to lance and sear.
- 696. Rev‸ 3:‸19. Vt ad vrendum & secandum medici, sic nos ad castigandum, rarò, inuitique veniamus, nec vnquam nisi necessario, si nulla reperietur alia medicina. Cic. Offic. lib. 1. [moved here by the editor]
2. Due reſpect muſt be had to the partie corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction muſt be vſed. Solomon oft mentioneth a rod, as meeteſt for a childe; for that is the lighteſt correction. So if the childe be of a flexible and ingenuous diſpoſition, ſoone ſneapt, the correction muſt accordingly be moderated. p. 557 If he be well growne, and withall be ſtout, and ſtubborne, the correction may be more ſeuere.
2. Due respect must be had to the party corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction must be used. Solomon oft mentioneth a rod, as meetest for a child; for that is the lightest correction. So if the child be of a flexible and ingenuous disposition, soon sneapt, the correction must accordingly be moderated. If he be well grown, and withal be stout, and stubborn, the correction may be more severe.
3. Due reſpect muſt be had to the fault: Sinnes directly697 againſt God, open, notorious, ſcandalous ſinnes, knowne ſinnes, ſinnes often committed, in which they are growne vp, and whereof they haue gotten an habit, are with greater ſeueritie to be corrected.
- 697. Cauendum ne maior poena, quàm culpa ſit. Cic. loc. citat.
3. Due respect must be had to the fault: Sins directly697 against God, open, notorious, scandalous sins, known sins, sins often committed, in which they are grown up, and whereof they have gotten an habit, are with greater severity to be corrected.
- 697. Cavendum ne major poena, quàm culpa sit. Cic. loc. citat.
4. A parent muſt behold his owne faults in correcting his childes: ſo more compaſſion will be wrought in him.
4. A parent must behold his own faults in correcting his childes: so more compassion will be wrought in him.
§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.
§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.
Contrary to this dutie of correcting are two extremes.
- 1. Too much lenitie.
- 2. Too much ſeueritie.
Contrary to this duty of correcting are two extremes.
- Too much lenity.
- Too much severity.
Many ſo cocker their children, as they will ſuffer them to698 run into any miſdemeanour, rather then correct them. They cannot endure to heare their children cry: and therefore their children muſt be pleaſed in all their humours and euill deſires. Theſe parents bring ſhame to themſelues, and miſchiefe vpon their children: for God is oft forced to correct ſuch. Heauy are Gods corrections: and oft light on parent and childe both: as appeareth by the iudgement on Eli and his ſonnes: for ſuch parents make themſelues acceſſary to their childrens ſinnes: yea alſo to the iudgements laid vpon their children. God ſaith of ſuch parents, that they honour their children aboue God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither Gods honour, nor their owne or childrens ſafetie.
- 698. Qui non corripiunt filios ſuos, & eorum animas igni inextinguibili in interitum tradunt, & ſemetipſos in furorem iudicij demergunt. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1. 1 Sam. 2. 29.
Many so cocker their children, as they will suffer them to698 run into any misdemeanour, rather then correct them. They cannot endure to hear their children cry: and therefore their children must be pleased in all their humours and evil desires. These parents bring shame to themselves, and mischief upon their children: for God is oft forced to correct such. Heavy are God’s corrections: and oft light on parent and child both: as appeareth by the judgment on Eli and his sons: for such parents make themselves accessary to their children’s sins: yea also to the judgments laid upon their children. God saith of such parents, that they honour their children above God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither God’s honour, nor their own or children’s safety.
- 698. Qui non corripiunt filios suos, & eorum animas igni inextinguibili in interitum tradunt, & semetipsos in furorem iudicij demergunt. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1. 1 Sam‸ 2:‸29.
Mothers for the moſt part offend herein, who are ſo farre from performing this dutie themſelues, as they are much offended with their husbands if they doe it. And to proclaime their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or Schoole-maſter, but with a ſtrait charge, that they correct them not.
Mothers for the most part offend herein, who are so far from performing this duty themselves, as they are much offended with their husbands if they do it. And to proclaim their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or School-master, but with a strait charge, that they correct them not.
Obiect. Correction maketh children ſots and blocks.
Object. Correction maketh children sots and blocks.
2. Obiect. Mothers may be the more borne with herein, p. 558 becauſe with long trouble they did beare, and with great trauell bring forth their children.
2. Object. Mothers may be the more borne with herein, because with long trouble they did bear, and with great travel bring forth their children.
Anſw. That may be a good motiue for them to ſeeke the true good of their children, that ſo their trouble and trauell may not be in vaine: but not to vphold them in the broad way that leadeth to deſtruction.
Answ. That may be a good motive for them to seek the true good of their children, that so their trouble and travel may not be in vain: but not to uphold them in the broad way that leadeth to destruction.
§. 49. Of parents too much ſeueritie in correcting their children.
§. 49. Of parents too much severity in correcting their children.
They who offend in the other extreme of ſeuerity, of the700 two are the more vnnaturall parents; they offend directly againſt the firſt branch of this text (Prouoke not to wrath.) Nothing more prouoketh then immoderate ſeuerity: for
- 700. Patres non oportet aſperos eſſe circa filios. Cyp. Teſtim. l. 3. c. 71.
They who offend in the other extreme of severity, of the700 two are the more unnatural parents; they offend directly against the first branch of this text (Provoke not to wrath.) Nothing more provoketh then immoderate severity: for
- 700. Patres non oportet asperos esse circa filios. Cyp. Testim. l. 3. c. 71.
1. It argueth no loue in the parent, but rather hatred, at leaſt wrath, and other ſuch like diſtempered affections.
1. It argueth no love in the parent, but rather hatred, at least wrath, and other such like distempered affections.
3. It maketh him dull, and ſtupid, and cleane peruerteth the right and true end of correction.
3. It maketh him dull, and stupid, and clean perverteth the right and true end of correction.
4. It oft maketh a childe thinke of doing ſome miſchiefe to his parent or himſelfe.
4. It oft maketh a child think of doing some mischief to his parent or himself.
That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein exceſſe in ſeueritie is ſhewed.
That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein excess in severity is showed.
It is ſhewed, when correction is giuen
It is showed, when correction is given
1. For no fault. In this caſe, though correction be neuer ſo light, it is too ſeuere.
1. For no fault. In this case, though correction be never so light, it is too severe.
2. For ſmall faults, in wrath and furie, though the ſtripes be few and light, yet the parents behauiour is too much ſeueritie.
2. For small faults, in wrath and fury, though the stripes be few and light, yet the parents behaviour is too much severity.
3. To children that are young and tender, or ſoft, milde and ingenuous, as if they were in ſome yeeres, the moſt obſtinate and peruerſe that could be.
3. To children that are young and tender, or soft, mild and ingenuous, as if they were in some years, the most obstinate and perverse that could be.
5. Too ſorely: ſo as the childe is lamed, or ſome way ſo hurt as he ſhall feele it as long as he liueth.
5. Too sorely: so as the child is lamed, or some way so hurt as he shall feel it as long as he liveth.