Parents Directing Children into Adulthood

Hauing laid downe ſuch duties of parents as eſpecially reſpect p. 559 the childhood of children, I proceed to lay forth ſuch as haue reſpect to their riper yeeres wherein they are to be placed forth.

Here we are to note 1. The kindes of thoſe duties.

2. The meanes of performing them.

The kindes may be drawne to two heads.

1. Prouiding fit places and callings for them to exerciſe their gifts.

2. Prouiding fit mariages for them.

We heard⁷⁰³ before how children were to be trained vp, and fitted to ſome good calling euen in their childhood. Now further, when by vertue of good education they are inabled to diſcharge the functions and duties of a calling, and by yeeres they are well growne vp, ſo as it is time they ſhould be ſet to ſome particular calling:

1. 703. §. 31.

Parents ought to prouide fit callings for their children, and fit⁷⁰⁴ places for them to exerciſe the gifts which by nature or education they haue gotten. For example, If children haue beene brought vp in learning, parents muſt vſe what lawfull and honeſt meanes they can to ſettle them in ſuch a place and courſe as they may profeſſe and exerciſe their gifts, according to their ſeuerall kindes, be it Diuinitie, Law, Phyſicke, or the like: or if they haue beene brought vp in any trade, to prouide that they may ſet vp (as we ſpeake) and exerciſe their trade. The two firſt children that euer were borne of woman,⁷⁰⁵ Cain and Abel, were placed forth in ſeuerall callings; and without doubt their places were ſo ordered by their parents. The like may be gathered out of theſe phraſes,⁷⁰⁶ Eſau was a man of the field, and Iaakob dwelt intents.⁷⁰⁷ It is noted of Samuel, that he made his two ſonnes Iudges. Had they beene as faithfull in well vſing their places, as their father was carefull in prouiding them, they might haue liued well themſelues, and done much good to others. Iſhai hauing many ſonnes, had a care hereof: for⁷⁰⁸ he ſent his three eldeſt ſonnes to the war; and placed them in a ſouldiers courſe of life:⁷⁰⁹ his youngeſt he made a ſhepheard, which was in thoſe daies and places a calling of greater reckoning then now it is with vs.

1. 704. Fit callings to be prouided.
2. 705. Gen. 4. 2. [moved in the edition]
3. 706. & 25. 27. [moved in the edition]
4. 707. 1 Sam. 8. 1.
5. 708. 1 Sam. 17. 13.
6. 709. &. 16. 11.

1. Thus ſhall they make vſe of that abilitie whereunto by⁷¹⁰ p. 560 their parents prouidence, and their owne diligence they haue attained: otherwiſe that abilitie may ſoone be loſt. Doth not daily experience ſhew that many who haue beene well trained vp by their parents in learning, ſo farre as they haue beene fit to haue entred into the miniſterie, for want of place and imploiment, haue in time ſo forgotten all, as if they had neuer beene trained vp in learning: and ſo in other ſciences.

1. 710. The benefits of a fit calling.

2. Thus come they to doe much more good in Church or Common-wealth: till men be placed in diſtinct callings, they are but fitting and preparing for future times. I denie not but that both Church and Common-wealth may reape much benefit by the paines and labour of the younger ſort, who are trained vp vnder others: but moſt properly are they counted members of the Church and Common-wealth, and actuall inſtruments of the good thereof, who haue ſome particular diſtinct calling, whereby they doe good to others.

3. Thus they come to liue of themſelues, and to be able to releeue others alſo. All the time of their education, they are commonly at the charge of others: at leaſt, though by their paines they may gaine much, yet the gaine returnes to others: they themſelues for the moſt part haue but a bare maintenance, meat, drinke and cloth (as we ſay:) little haue they to lay vp for themſelues for the time to come, or to giue to others for the preſent.

4. They thus come to traine vp others againſt after times, as they themſelues haue beene trained vp: whereby a continuall and perpetuall ſucceſſion of all kindes of callings, is from time to time preſerued: and thus Family, Church, and Common-wealth vpheld and maintained. In ſhort time would all callings and functions vtterly decay, if a continuall ſupplie were not thus made.

Two eſpeciall cautions are to be obſerued by parents in⁷¹¹ prouiding callings for their children.

1. 711. Cautions in prouiding callings.

1. That ſuch callings be prouided as their children haue beene trained vp vnto, and are in ſome meaſure fitted and enabled to performe the duties thereof: as to prouide a Miniſters p. 561 place for him that hath beene brought vp in learning and ſtudied diuinity: ſo in other callings ſuch, as their children may be their crafts-maſters therein. Thus ſhall their children doe the more good therein, both to others and themſelues. Bezaleel and Aholiab were choſen to build the tabernacle becauſe they were filled with wiſdome to worke all manner of worke: likewiſe⁷¹² the ſeruants of Hirom were choſen to hew Cedar trees for the temple, becauſe among the Iewes there were not any that⁷¹³ could skill to hew timber, like vnto the Sidonians. Pharaoh was carefull to haue men of actiuity rulers ouer his cattell.⁷¹⁴

1. 712. Exod. 35. 35. [moved in the edition]
2. 713. 1 King. 5. 6.
3. 714. Gen. 47. 6.

2. That ſuch meanes be vſed for prouiding a calling as parents in vſing them may with faith call vpon God for his bleſſing. They that by lawfull meanes are brought into a calling whereunto they are fitted, are ſet therein by God, as is implied by this phraſe, as God hath called euery one, &c. A lawfull entrance into a calling is a matter of great moment: he that ſo entreth may in a right vſe thereof caſt himſelfe vpon Gods bleſſing, and with ſtrong confidence expect the ſame, ſaying as the Prophet did, Lord I haue not thruſt in my ſelfe thou⁷¹⁵ knoweſt.

1. 715. Ier. 17. 16.

The extreme in the defect contrary to a parents prouident care in prouiding a fit calling, is, a careleſſe neglect of children after they are well educated, a leauing them to ſhift for themſelues.⁷¹⁷ It is noted of the rauenous fowles that haue ſharpe talents, that ſo ſoone as they perceiue their young ones to be able to fly, they will flap and beat them with their wings, and driue them out of their neſts, and after that take no further care of them. We may not be like ſuch cruell birds: reaſon and religion teacheth vs otherwiſe. Good education is a good duty, but not a parents whole duty: the ſtay which is here made, may make all the former care and paines to be of little vſe.

1. 716. 1. Extreme in the defect.
2. 717. Imitari noli crudelitatem earum auium quibus vngues adunciſunt: hi cùm ſuos ſenſerint foetus volandi iom poteſtatem conſequutos eſſe, alis eos verberantes ac impingentes nidis pellunt, nullamꝗ prorſus erga illos extruſos curam deinceps adhibent. Baſil. Hexam. hom. 8.

Anſw. Meanes rightly vſed are ſubordinate to Gods prouidence, and by them doth God manifeſt his prouidence and bring his counſell to paſſe: to neglect meanes is to thwart and p. 562 croſſe the diuine prouidence. It is therefore well done to rely on Gods prouidence: but ill done to neglect the meanes of effecting it. Gods bleſſing is beſt diſcerned in the vſe of meanes.

The extreme in the exceſſe is a prepoſterous greedineſſe in⁷¹⁸ parents to bring their children to a calling. This is manifeſted two waies.

1. 718. 2. Extreme in exceſſe.

1. When they care not how fit their children be for the⁷¹⁹ place, ſo it be a place of gaine and honour. Experience ſheweth that this is the bane of Church and commonwealth. Hereby it falleth out in the politique body, as it would in a naturall body; if the hand ſhould take vpon it to ſee, or the leg to heare, or the foot to taſte, what could from thence be expected but ruine to the body? Tradeſ-men oft vndoe themſelues, their families and friends, by vndertaking ſuch trades as they haue no skill in, or whereof they are not crafts-maſters. The more excellent the calling is, the more miſchiefe is done by this greedy prepoſterouſneſſe. This extreme is ſo much worſe then the former, as it is worſe to doe much hurt, then no good.

1. 719. 1. Vnfit caling.

2. When they make no conſcience of the meanes which⁷²⁰ they vſe to bring their children into callings: but by vnlawfull meanes purchaſe their deſires: as, by Simony to procure an eccleſiaſticall function (whence oft followeth alſo periury) or by bribery to procure an office.

1. 720. 2. Vndue entrance.

Theſe indirect meanes take away difference betwixt fitneſſe and vnfitneſſe of perſons: for the vnfitteſt that be may by money purchaſe a place. Beſides, though children be neuer ſo fit for theſe callings, yet there is little hope of any bleſſing from God, when the firſt entrance is without him: yea againſt his will and word. Who can thinke that God hath placed ſuch an one in his place? if God haue not placed him, with what faith can he ſeeke a bleſſing? with what hope can he expect a blessing? Much terror is by this meanes brought to many men conſcience: and they are oft in a great ſtrait, not knowing whether it be fitteſt for them to retaine, or relinquiſh the⁷²¹ place.

1. 721. What is to be done after one is vnlawfully ſetled in a fit calling.

But by the way to reſolue that doubt, if one that hath vnlawfully entred be fit for the performance of his place, it p. 563 then ſafeſt for him to ſeeke pardon for the former offence, and reconciliation with God, and vpon true and vnfained repentance to hold the place (if at leaſt the law vnder which he liueth eſtabliſh him therein) and be ſo much the more faithfull in the diſcharge of the duties thereof.

God hath further laid a charge vpon parents to prouide mariages⁷²² for their children: for thus ſaith the Prophet in the name of the Lord vnto parents,⁷²³ Take wiues to your ſonnes, and giue your daughters to husbands: and thus the Apoſtle,⁷²⁴ If any man thinke that he behaueth himſelfe vncomely toward his virgin, if ſhe paſſe the floure of her age, and need ſo require, let them marry. This direction was giuen in times of perſecution, when by reaſon of the preſent neceſſity it was better not to marry: if then a parent ought to be carefull (need requiring) to prouide a mariage for his daughter, much more ought he in times of peace. Holy parents commended by the Holy Ghoſt haue beene carefull in performing this duty, as⁷²⁵ Abraham,⁷²⁶ Iſaak,⁷²⁷ Naomi, and others: yea⁷²⁸ Hagar had learned this duty in Abrahams houſe. But the perfect patterne (which ſurpaſſeth all other examples) is of⁷²⁹ God himſelfe, who prouided a fit match for his⁷³⁰ ſonne Adam.

1. 722. Date operam vt cùm ad adultā aetatem filij peruenerint matrimenio iungantur. Conſtit. Apoſt. l. 4. c. 11. lege Chryſ. in 1. Tim. hom. 9.
2. 723. Ier. 29. 6. [moved in the edition]
3. 724. 1 Cor. 7. 36. [moved in the edition]
4. 725. Gen. 24. 4. [moved in the edition]
5. 726. & 28. 2. [moved in the edition]
6. 727. Rut. 3. 1. [moved in the edition]
7. 728. Gen. 21. 21. [moved in the edition]
8. 729. & 2. 18.
9. 730. Luke 3. 38. Reaſons. [moved in the edition]

1. Children may not marry without conſent of parents, (as was⁷³¹ before ſhewed) Parents therefore muſt be carefull in time to prouide for them.

1. 731. Treat. 5. §. 16, 17.

2. Parents are to children in Gods place: they muſt therefore take vpon them this care of God.

3. Mariage is the meanes which the Lord hath ſanctified to preſerue our bodies chaſte and vndefiled: as parents therefore deſire to keepe their children from vncleanneſſe and pollution, they muſt take care that this meanes be vſed. Not only holy Apoſtles, but alſo⁷³² heathen Philoſophers, and that by the light of nature, haue found this to be the fitteſt courſe.

1. 732. Liberos qui voluptatibus nimis ſunt dediti dabis operam vt coniugio aſtringas: vinculum enim hoc eſt tutiſſimum inventutis. Plut. de Inſtit. lib.

4. This alſo is a meanes as to⁷³³ increaſe the commonwealth, and⁷³⁴ preſerue an holy ſeed, and to erect new families, ſo to continue parents owne houſes and name.

1. 733. Gen. 1. 28.
2. 734. Mal. 2. 15.

Two cautions are to be obſerued of parents in prouiding mariages for their children.

1. That the match which they prouide be meet: ſo ſaid God when he was about to prouide a match for Adam, I will⁷³⁵ make him an helpe meet for him. Therefore⁷³⁶ the match prouided muſt not be too neere of kin, of a contrary religion, of too vnequall an age, of too great diſparity in eſtate. Theſe things will hinder loue, and cauſe diſdaine and hatred of one another.

1. 735. Gen. 2. 18.
2. 736. See Treat. 2. Part. 1. §. 9, 10 &c.

2. Though the match may ſeeme meet in the parents eie, yet he may not force his childe thereto. Could a fitter match haue beene found out for Rebekah then Iſaak? yet Rebekahs friends⁷³⁷ asked her conſent. I denie not but parents may vſe all manner of faire meanes to moue their children to yeeld to that which they ſee good for them: but if they cannot moue them to yeeld, to referre the matter to God, and not againſt their childrens minds to force them. When God had made a moſt meet match for Adam, he brought her to the man: namely to ſee how he would like her. For the neereſt bond of all is betwixt man and wife; a man muſt leaue father and mother, and⁷³⁸ cleaue vnto his wife; man and wife muſt alwaies liue together: great reaſon therefore that at the firſt ioyning them together there be a mutuall liking of one another, leſt euer after there be a perpetuall diſlike: and though the authority of parents ought in this caſe to be inuiolable, yet a middle courſe is ſo to be held, as the parties may willingly with a mutuall conſent ioyne themſelues together.

1. 737. Gen. 24. 57. What to be done if children like not ſuch a match as parents thinke meet. Non cogitur filius-familias vxorem ducere. Digeſt. l. 23. c. 2. §. 21.
2. 738. Gen. 2. 22. Sacra in hoc negotio parentibus authoritas eſſe debet: ſed tenenda eſt media ratio, vt ſponte ac mutuo conſenſu inter ſe contrahant partes. Cal. in Gen. 24. verſ. 57.

The extreme in the defect is, when parents careleſly let their children paſſe the floure of their age: and neuer conſider whether need require that they ſhould mary or no. Their children may ſit long enough before they ſeeke out a match for them, vnleſſe it be brought to them: and when one is offered though it be neuer ſo fit, yet except they may make an aduantage thereof to themſelues, they will hardly yeeld to it. Thus they make their children to ſeeke out mariages for themſelues, and p. 565 without their conſent to make them vp: or elſe to liue in diſcontent,⁷³⁹ if not in vncleanneſſe. By the careleſneſſe of parents in this reſpect are children oft made a prey to the deuill: whereof at the day of iudgement parents ſhall giue an account to God.

1. 739. Si filij innupti feruore aetatis in conſuetudinem ſornicandi inciderint, vos parentes in die iudicij rationem deo eſtis reddituri. Conſtit. Apoſt. l. 4. c. 11.

The extreme in the exceſſe is,⁷⁴⁰ when parents through a couetous deſire to get great and rich matches for their children, marie them before they be of yeares of diſcretion to like or diſlike, to know what is meet or vnmeet; or able to performe euen the eſſentiall duties of mariages: ſeldome doe ſuch vnlawfull mariages proſper.

1. 740. See Treat. 2. Part. 1. §. 2.

In a like exceſſe doe they offend who for outward aduantages match their children to ſuch as by nature are vnfit for mariage, to ideots, to⁷⁴¹ idolaters, to profane perſons, or they care not to whom. And if their children like not theſe matches, they will doe to the vttermoſt of their power what they can to force them thereunto. Many miſchiefes ordinarily fall out vpon ſuch mariages, as vtter diſlike betwixt husband and wife, continuall complaining one of another, inquiring after diuorce, or any other ſeparation, wiſhing, yea practiſing one anothers death. To all theſe miſchiefes doe parents, the cauſe thereof, make themſelues acceſſary.

1. 741. See Treat. 2. Part. 1. §. 11, 12.

An eſpeciall outward meanes whereby parents may be the better inabled to prouide fit callings and mariages for their children, is, before hand to lay vp ſome ſtocke, or competent portion for their children. This is compriſed vnder that generall prouiſion, whereof he that is careleſſe is counted by the Apoſtle⁷⁴² worſe then an inſidell: but more expreſly is it noted in theſe words,⁷⁴³ Parents ought to lay vp for their children: and commended in⁷⁴⁴ Abrahams example.

1. 742. 1 Tim. 5. 8. [moved in the edition]
2. 743. 2 Cor. 12. 14. [moved in the edition]
3. 744. Gen. 25. 5, 6. [moved in the edition]

While children are vnder their parents they haue no meanes to lay vp for themſelues: for all their ſeruice is for their parents. But in regard of the times wherein we liue, it is needfull for ſetting vp in a good calling, and for obtaining a fit match, that children haue ſome ſtocke and portion. It p. 566 lieth therefore vpon the parents, and their duty it is to prouide it.

Anſw. If the ſcope of that place be rightly marked, it will appeare that Chriſt there forbiddeth not ſimply the thing it ſelfe, but

1. 745. Mat. 6 19. expounded.

1. The minde of him that layeth vp: namely when it is filled full of carking, and diſtruſtfull thoughts: fearing that in the time to come he ſhall not haue ſufficient. To this purpoſe doth Chriſt propound Gods prouidence ouer fowles and⁷⁴⁶ lillies.

1. 746. Verſ. 26, 28.

2. The manner of laying vp, when temporall things are preferred before ſpirituall and heauenly: therefore he addeth this precept, but lay vp treaſures in heauen, &c.⁷⁴⁷

1. 747. Uerſ. 20.

3. The meaſure, when men neuer thinke they haue laid vp enough: but ſcrape what they can come by iuſtly or vniuſtly; and ſpare more then needs, euen things neceſſary, from themſelues and others, to make a great ſtocke and portion for their children. The word of⁷⁴⁸ treaſuring vp (which Chriſt there vſeth) implieth an immoderate meaſure.

1. 748. θησαυρίζειν ἀπὸ τοῦ τιθέναι εἰς αὔριον. Direction for laying vp portions.

Among other needfull cautions for parents to be obſerued in laying vp for their children, theſe three are eſpecially to be noted.

1. That iuſtly they come by that which they lay vp: and lay nothing towards a childs portion which is any way vniuſtly gotten; for the treaſures of wickedneſſe profit nothing: they may⁷⁴⁹ proue a fire to conſume parents themſelues, their children, their houſe, and whole poſterity.

1. 749. Pro. 10. 2. [moved in the edition]

2. That they couet not too much to make their children rich, and for that purpoſe liue meanly and baſely themſelues, yea and depriue themſelues of many neceſſaries. An egregious⁷⁵⁰ point of folly is this, which Solomon hath much taxed.

1. 750. Eccl. 5. 12.

3. That all needfull duties of charity to the poore, and of iuſtice to the Church and common-wealth be performed, and pretext of laying vp for children hinder none of theſe.

The extremes contrary to the forenamed dutie are theſe:

p. 567 1. When parents liue at the vttermoſt extent of their eſtate, and from time to time ſpend all their reuenues or all their gaines, and ſo are ſcarce able to make euen at quarter day, or yeares end. What ſtocke or portion can they lay vp for children?

2. When parents liue aboue their eſtate, and ſpend riotouſly their ordinary gaines, or reuenues, and for other neceſſary affaires are forced to runne into debt. Many are ſo farre from helping their children in this kinde, as they are maine hinderance vnto them, vrging their eldeſt ſonne eſpecially who is their heire, to be bound for them, and ſo lay ſuch a burden on his backe, as (to vſe the common phraſe) they make it cracke againe.

3. When parents haue enough for themſelues and their children, and yet ſo couetouſly dote vpon their wealth, as they will not beſtow a groat to helpe them in calling and mariage, but ſay they keepe all for them. What a wretched and fooliſh diſpoſition is this, that they ſhould ſtill lay vp more and more for their children, and yet refuſe to beſtow any part thereof vpon them in their greateſt need, when it might redound to their greateſt benefit? God oft meeteth with ſuch couetous miſers, and croſſeth their purpoſes, by making ſtrangers to enioy that which they greedily hoorded vp.

The laſt dutie which parents owe to their children, is, when they ceaſe to be parents: that is, when they are going out of this world. Their dutie at that time in generall is to doe what lieth in them, that it may goe well with their children after their departure. Both⁷⁵¹ the reaſons which are oft vrged by the Holy Ghoſt, to ſtir vp parents to yeeld obedience to God, taken from extent of Gods bleſſing (in this kinde of phraſe,⁷⁵² Bleſſed ſhall their children be after them) and Gods⁷⁵³ promiſes made to that purpoſe doe proue as much.

1. 751. See §. 6.
2. 752. Pro. 20. 7. [moved in the edition]
3. 753. Deut. 5. 29.

For the better performing of this dutie, three generall points, tending both to the temporall, and alſo to the ſpirituall good of children, are to be obſerued: and two particular points moſt tending to their temporall eſtate.

The three generals are theſe.

• p. 568 1. Good direction.
• 2. Faithfull prayer.
• 3. A wiſe choiſe of ſome friends to be as parents to them.

1.⁷⁵⁴ For direction. When parents obſerue their time to draw neere, they ought to commend ſome wiſe and wholſome precepts vnto their children, the better to direct them in their Chriſtian courſe. So did⁷⁵⁵ Iſaak, and⁷⁵⁶ Iaakob.

1. 754. Parents on their deathbed to leaue good leſſons to their children. [moved in the edition]
2. 755. Gen. 28. 2, 4. [moved in the edition]
3. 756. & 49. 1. &c. [moved in the edition]

Ob. Theſe Patriarchs had an extraordinarie ſpirit of prophecying, & by vertue thereof foretold their children things to come.

Anſw.⁷⁵⁷ They ſuſtained a double perſon: one of a prophet, another of a father: as prophets, they had an extraordinarie ſpirit; as parents, they performed ordinarie dutie: by their extraordinarie ſpirit, they foretold things to come: the ordinarie dutie which they performed, was to direct their children how to carrie themſelues in thoſe times to come. For their propheſies were not only predictions, but alſo inſtructions, to direct and teach them what to doe. What they did by an extraordinarie ſpirit in extraordinarie things, we muſt doe in ordinarie duties by the ordinarie ſpirit of vnderſtanding and wiſdome which the Lord giueth vs. But the direction which⁷⁵⁸ Iſaak gaue to Iaakob, when he ſent him to Laban, was no extraordinarie propheſie: nor that which⁷⁵⁹ Dauid, when he was old, gaue to Solomon: and againe,⁷⁶⁰ when he lay on his death-bed. Now theſe things are thus written for our imitation. And great reaſon there is to imitate thoſe holy men in theſe things. For

1. 757. See Treat. 5. §. 9.
2. 758. Gen. 28. 2. &c. [moved in the edition]
3. 759. 1 Chro 28. 9. [moved in the edition]
4. 760. 1 King. 2. 2, 3, &c.

1. The words of a dying parent are commonly moſt regarded: his laſt words doe make a deepe impreſſion (⁷⁶¹ this doe the brethren of Ioſeph preſſe vpon him.) If euer therefore there be a time ſeaſonable for a parent to giue good inſtructions to his children, then is the time when parents are cleane departing from their children.

1. 761. Gen. 50. 16. [moved in the edition]

2. Thus ſhall a parent manifeſt his true affection, and earneſt deſire of his childrens good: for now they cannot thinke that he ſeeketh his owne eaſe, and profit, more then their good: as at other times ſome will be ready to ſay of their parents inſtructions and admonitions, Our parents know what is good for themſelues.

That the laſt words of parents may be the more ſeaſonably and⁷⁶² profitably deliuered to their children, they muſt note, on the one p. 569 ſide, what euils their children are moſt prone vnto, what temptations they are moſt aſſaulted withall, what ſnares they are moſt like to fall into; and on the other ſide, what vertues and graces are moſt needfull for them, and wherein they faile moſt, and accordingly they muſt order and frame their laſt words. Note for a patterne herein⁷⁶³ Iſaaks counſell to Iaakob, when he ſent him to Laban, and thought he ſhould neuer ſee him againe: and⁷⁶⁴ Dauids to his ſonne Solomon.

1. 762. Direction.
2. 763. Gen. 28, 2, &c. [moved in the edition]
3. 764. 1 King. 2. 2, 3. [moved in the edition]

II. Concerning the prayers of parents for their children, I noted it⁷⁶⁵ before to be a generall dutie neuer to be omitted: yet here in particular I mention it againe, becauſe a parents bleſſing conſiſteth therein eſpecially: and then is the moſt proper time for parents to beſtow a bleſſing on their children, as⁷⁶⁶ Iſaak,⁷⁶⁷ Iaakob,⁷⁶⁸ Dauid, and others did. Let parents therefore as they commend their owne ſoules into Gods hand, ſo commend their children vnto Gods grace and bleſſing. Gods prouidence is a good inheritance: many children doe thereby exceedingly proſper, though they haue but ſmall outward meanes; whereas others that haue great meanes vſed for their good, come to ruine; Gods curſe following them. Now no ſuch meanes can be thought of to procure Gods bleſſing, or to with-hold his curſe, as the faithfull prayers of parents for their children; eſpecially when parents are leauing their children, and going to God.

1. 765. §. 4.
2. 766. Gen. 28. 3. [moved in the edition]
3. 767. & 48. 15. [moved in the edition]
4. 768. 1 Chro. 29. 19. [moved in the edition]

III. The third generall point of making choiſe of ſome faithfull friends to commend their children vnto, is eſpecially in behalfe of ſuch as are not of ſufficient age and diſcretion to looke to themſelues, or to thoſe weightie affaires which belong vnto them. The friends, which in this caſe are made choiſe of, ought to be ſuch as the parents themſelues by good experience haue found to be honeſt, wiſe, faithfull, and louing to them and theirs; whom parents are to ſet in their owne place for the good of their children. This meanes did Dauid vſe when he was old in the behalfe⁷⁶⁹ of his ſonne Solomon. Many children haue found much helpe thereby. Such may make a good ſupply of the departure of parents. Theſe are ſo much the more needfull, by how much p. 570 the more vnſtable, and vnbridled youth is; and by how much the leſſe able children are to helpe and guide themſelues.

1. 769. 1 Chro. 22. 17. & 28. 21.

Contrary to a parents prouidence for the good of his children after his departure, is the careleſneſſe of parents for the time to come. They thinke the world is gone with them when they are gone, and therefore they will take no thought for the future times that ſhall be after them; as if it were enough for euery one to looke to his owne time. There may ſeeme to be more ſelfe-loue in ſuch parents then loue of their children, in that their care determineth with their owne time, and extendeth not it ſelfe to the time and continuance of their children. Hence is it, that not a word of direction and exhortation commeth out of their mouths to their children when they are departing, no bleſſing that they will leaue behinde them, no friends ſhall be deputed by them, to be as parents to their children. Let God prouide, ſay they. But where there is a referring of matters to Gods prouidence, without the vſe of thoſe meanes which God hath warranted and commended by his word, there can be little hope that God ſhould take care of that which is ſo commended to him. Such men doe not in faith depend vpon Gods prouidence, but make the very name thereof a pretext to caſt off that care, which God as a bounden dutie requireth of them. As there is little loue of their children in ſuch parents, ſo there is leſſe zeale of Gods glory: for a parents care of his childrens welfare, eſpecially of their continuing to feare and ſerue the Lord after their owne departure out of this world, is an eſpeciall meanes of preſeruing Gods feare in the world, and propagating it from age to age: ſo as this neglect is a greater fault then many are aware of.

The two particular things to be obſerued by parents for manifeſtation of their prouident care ouer their children for the time to come, euen after their departure, eſpecially in regard of their temporall eſtate, are theſe,

• 1. That they make a will.
• 2. That they leaue their eſtates to their children.

1. It hath beene an ancient commendable practiſe both among⁷⁷⁰ Gods people, and others alſo, that haue beene guided with p. 571 common ciuilitie, when they who haue any eſtate, waxe old, or ſicke, and haue any occaſion of expecting death offered vnto them, to make their laſt Will and teſtament. This is ſet forth in the old Teſtament vnder this phraſe (Put thy houſe in order.) A dutie it is expreſly⁷⁷¹ commanded by God: and that not without good reaſon. For

1. 770. A Will to be made.
2. 771. 2 King. 20. 1.

1. A parents Will is an eſpeciall meanes to ſettle peace among children after his departure, and to make them content with that allowance which he hath ſet out vnto them, becauſe by the Will they know it was their fathers pleaſure they ſhould haue ſuch and ſuch a portion. If controuerſies ſhould ariſe, yet a Will is a meanes for the law ſpeedily to determine the ſame without any tedious and chargeable ſuits: for the Apoſtle taketh it for a ruled caſe, that no man diſanulleth or addeth any thing to a mans’ teſtament.⁷⁷²

1. 772. Gal. 3. 15.

2. After a parent hath made his Will, he may the more quietly ſettle himſelfe for heauenly contemplations, and preparations to death: and thinke of ſuch good inſtructions as are moſt fit to giue as his farewell to his children: and the more willingly expect the moment of his diſſolution: and the more patiently ſubmit himſelfe to the very ſtroke of death.

In performing this dutie, a man muſt both obſerue a fit time,⁷⁷³ and alſo take good aduice. The fit time is while his vnderſtanding is good, and his memorie perfect: ſo as he may call to minde his debts, what he oweth, and what is owing to him: as alſo what goods he hath to beſtow, and with diſcretion and wiſdome order his eſtate. And becauſe through the cauils which many vnconſcionable lawyers and others are like to make, his true meaning may be peruerted, it is meet to haue the aduice of ſuch as can in diſtinct words and phraſes ſo expreſſe his meaning, as they ſhall be free from exception. Matters of weight are wiſely to be managed.

1. 773. Direction.

Contrary is the daily practiſe of too many parents who are not willing to make any will at all: or elſe on vaine hope that they may liue longer, and when they are ſicke, vpon conceit that they may recouer, or at leaſt longer continue to enioy the vſe of their vnderſtanding and memory, put off the making of their Will till it be too late: and ſo die without Will, p. 572 or make ſuch a Will as miniſtreth more matter of ſute, then if they had no Will at all; either becauſe doubt is made whether he that made it had his vnderſtanding and memory or no: or becauſe his Will is ſo abrupt and ambiguous, as his meaning cannot be knowne. The miſchiefes that follow theſe neglects,⁷⁷⁴ are many. As

• 1. Diſcredit to the partie deceaſed.
• 2. Contentions among his ſuruiuing children.
• 3. Waſting a great part, if not his whole eſtate, in ſuits of law.
• 4. Defeating many creditors of their due debt.

1. 774. Inconuenience of dying without a Will.

The reaſon which maketh many to put off the making of their Will is a fooliſh conceit, that if a mans Will be once made, then he muſt needs die out of hand. But what ground haue men for any ſuch conceit? If ſicknes grow vpon a man, ſo long as his Will is vnmade his minde is vnſetled, his minde being vnſetled, the phyſicke that is miniſtred to him cannot ſo kindly worke; ſo as his death may be the more haſtened for not making a Will. Beſides, if his ſpeech faile before his vnderſtanding, the thought that then he ſhall die without a Will may ſo perplex him, as his departure will be very vnquiet and troubleſome.

It was⁷⁷⁵ before ſhewed that parents were to lay vp a portion for their children againſt their entrance into a calling, and mariage: There is a further duty required when they are going out of the world, namely that they leaue their whole eſtate⁷⁷⁶ to their children. (Where I ſay whole, I exempt not workes of charity, nor payment of debts, which is a point of iuſtice, but I include more then is giuen as portions or ſtockes in their life time.) That eſtate eſpecially which parents haue receiued from their progenitors are they moſt bound to leaue vnto their children. It is expreſly recorded that Abraham gaue all⁷⁷⁷ that he had to Iſaak. Gods law did prouide for this among the Iewes: for a man might not ſell his land to cut it off from⁷⁷⁸ his poſterity. This was it that made Naboth refuſe to ſell his vineyard to Ahab, as his anſwer implieth, God forbid that I⁷⁷⁹ p. 573 ſhould giue the inheritance of my fathers vnto thee: becauſe it was the inheritance of his fathers, that is, he had receiued it from them, he thought it vnlawfull to depriue his children of it. This phraſe (if children, then heires) taketh it for a granted⁷⁸⁰ truth that children haue a right to their parents eſtate: and if they haue a right thereto, they may not be defeated thereof.

1. 775. §. 56.
2. 776. The eſtate of parents to be left to their children.
3. 777. Gen. 25. 5.
4. 778. Leu. 25. 23.
5. 779. 1 King. 21. 3.
6. 780. Rom. 8. 17.

God giueth wealth vnto parents but for their life time: in which time they are but as Guardians vnto Gods children, and are accountable to God: ſo as they haue not an abſolute power to doe with it what they will, but according to the directions of the great Lord and Maſter they muſt vſe it, reſerue it, and leaue it.

For this end parents muſt order their manner of liuing according⁷⁸¹ to that portion which the Lord hath appointed vnto them, and by his prouidence beſtowed vpon them; they muſt (as it is ſaid in the prouerbe) cut their coat according to their cloth. Of the two it is much better for parents to liue vnder, then aboue their meanes. Prouided that they neglect no duty of charitie, or iuſtice: nor through miſerableneſſe and niggardlineſſe carry themſelues vnbeſeeming the place wherein God hath ſet them, and eſtate which he hath beſtowed vpon them. He that liueth ſomewhat vnder his meanes, hath opportunitie to lay vp portions for other children (if he haue many) and to reſerue his inheritance intire to his eldeſt (beſide many other good workes of charity as God ſhall offer occaſion) which he that liueth aboue his meanes cannot doe.

1. 781. Direction.

Contrary to this branch of a parents prouidence, are many courſes of improuident parents: For

1. Some parents lauiſh and bezell out all their eſtate in their owne life time, making it to determine in their perſons. Vnworthy they are to receiue any inheritance from anceſtors. Their fault is double.

1. In ſpending prodigally aboue their eſtate.

2. In wronging their children, and depriuing them of their right: for particular perſons ſucceding one another are but as diuers linkes of a continued family, which are by Gods p. 574 prouidence added one to another: this chaine is not to be broken at any mans pleaſure; but for the preſeruation thereof, that which hath beene receiued of the predeceſſors, muſt be left to the ſucceſſors.

2. Others leaue their eſtate to their children, but ſo incumbred with debts, bonds, recognizances, and ſtatutes, as their children were better be without it, then haue it. For the hauing it maketh them liue at an anſwerable rate, and bringeth many burdens vpon them: beſides, the debts wherein they ſtand obliged make them as⁷⁸² ſeruants to their creditors: and in time they muſt be forced to ſell all, or as captiues lie in priſon.

1. 782. Pro. 22. 7. [moved in the edition]

3. Others though they deale not ſo hardly with their children, yet they deale too hardly by peeling and polling their inheritance as much as they can: they wil not forbeare to make any preſent gaine that they can, though it tend neuer ſo much to the preiudice and dammage of their children after them: as they who cut downe all the timber and wood that they can, and take out all the heart of their land.

4. Among theſe may be reckoned ſuch parents as by meere negligence ſuffer things to goe to decay for want of timely reparations: whereby it commeth to paſſe, that ſuch dammages as in the parents time might haue beene preuented with laying out a few ſhillings, cannot be renewed with many pounds.

5. Such alſo as care not in their life time to cleere the titles of thoſe things which they leaue to their children: but leaue all things ſo vnſetled and litigious, as it oft coſts children more in ſuit of law to maintaine the inheritance which their parents leaue them, then the inheritance is worth: and yet after all their paines and coſt loſe the inheritance too: whereas the parent that knew more then the childe can, might with ſmall paines and charge haue well ſetled and cleered all.

Theſe are miſchiefes that many children haue beene brought into by the improuidence of their parents: which are the rather to be made knowne, that ſuch as come after, may proue the more prouident for their children.

Hitherto of parents duties. The perſons to whom thoſe duties are to be performed, are diſtinctly to be conſidered.

The parties to whom parents are to performe all the forenamed duties are expreſſed vnder this word (Children) which⁷⁸³ hath not any ſpeciall reſpect to prioritie of birth, to conſtitution of body, to affection of parent, or any ſuch thing, as if firſt borne, proper, beautifull, darling, or the like children were only meant, but all that are begotten and borne of parents, all their children are meant. Whence I obſerue, that Parents ought to haue an impartiall reſpect to all their children, and performe dutie indifferently and equally to all. We haue for proofe hereof Gods patterne, who accounteth all his children deare or beloued children. The Greeke word tranſlated⁷⁸⁴ deare is very emphaticall: it is properly attributed to an only childe: the ſeuentie that tranſlated the Hebrew Bible into Greeke, doe with this word interpret that phraſe, Only Sonne:⁷⁸⁵ for where in Hebrew it is thus ſaid to Abraham, take thy ſonne, thine only one, they thus tranſlate it, take thy ſonne, thy deare one, or thy beloued one. Other Greeke authors doe ſo attribute the ſame word to an only childe, yea also and to an only eie: as when a man hath but one eie they call it a beloued eie. This word then ſheweth that God ſo reſpecteth all his children, as if all were but one, all a firſt-borne, all a darling childe. So rare a vertue this impartiall reſpect is (rare in the excellencie of it, rare alſo in the ſcarcitie of it) as thorowout the Scripture I can ſcarce finde a perfect patterne thereof⁷⁸⁶ among the ſonnes of men. Many may be giuen of the contrary, as we ſhall after heare. But the more rare it is, the more we muſt labour after it, that ſo we may reſemble Gods fatherhood.

1. 783. τὰ τέκνα.
2. 784. τέκνα ἀγαπητά. Eph. 5. 1.
3. 785. Gen. 22. 2. בנך את־יחידך τὸν υἱόν σου τὸν ἀγαπητόν. Heſychius ἀγαπητόν exponit μονογενῆ. Plutarchus dicit ἀγαπητὸν υἱόν vocari μοῦνον.
4. 786. Ariſt. Rhet. 1. vocat vnicum oculum ἀγαπητόν.

1. All our children come from our owne ſubſtance and⁷⁸⁷ bowels. Why then ſhould we reſpect one childe aboue another, more then we doe one eie, or one eare aboue another? We are as tender ouer one as ouer another, though it may be we haue more vſe of one then of another.

1. 787. Reaſons.

2. All our children are alike committed to vs by God: the ſame precepts and directions giuen for all alike: the like account to be giuen for all. If a King ſhould commit many of p. 576 his children to one nurſe, would not he be offended (and that iuſtly) if ſhe ſhould put ſuch a difference betwixt them, through a fooliſh partialitie, as to reſpect ſome, and neglect others?

Obiect. What if one childe be more pious to God and parent, another more rebellious, may not a parent reſpect that more then this?

1. Anſw. He may take notice of their different carriage, and accordingly reward the one, and puniſh the other, and yet carrie an equall deſire of doing good to both of them alike: for the puniſhing of the rebellious childe is a parents dutie; an euidence of loue, and a meanes of doing him good.

2. Anſw. It is no partialitie to like grace and goodneſſe in a childe, and for grace and goodneſſe ſake to loue his childe ſo much the more, as alſo for impietie and obſtinacy in rebellion to haue his heart the more alienated from his childe: this is rather a vertue in a parent. Partialitie is when on by and vndue reſpects one childe is preferred before another.

Anſw. We muſt put difference betwixt a fathers diſpoſing his eſtate vpon his children, and the ordering of his affection towards them. A parents affection, and care of good education, and deſire of true good, and faithfull praiers to God, may be as great towards his younger children, as towards his eldeſt ſonne and heire, and yet may he beſtow the greateſt patrimony vpon the heire: which is no partialitie.

Anſw. It is moſt iuſt and equall. For

1. God hath ſo appointed it: yea⁷⁸⁸ he made this to be one of the prerogatiues of the firſt-borne, to haue a double portion. Vpon this ground⁷⁸⁹ Ioſeph, who was the firſt-borne of the true wife, had a double portion; and as a teſtimony thereof his poſteritie made two tribes.

1. 788. Deut. 21. 17.
2. 789. 1 Chr. 5. 2. [moved in the edition]

p. 577 2. The lawes of all nations doe order as much.

3. Our law giueth the whole inheritance of freeholds to the eldeſt ſonne: in which reſpect it is due vnto him. For in ciuill and temporall matters this rule is true, we liue by law. I take it to be a matter of conſcience for a parent to leaue that to euery childe which by law is due to him. Neither is it without good reaſon that the law ordaineth that a parents whole eſtate of freehold land ſhould deſcend: for

1. There is an excellency in the firſt borne, as is euident by Iaakobs ſpeech to his eldeſt ſonne,⁷⁹⁰ thou art my firſt borne, my might, and the beginning of my ſtrength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power. And thereupon⁷⁹¹ God tooke the firſt borne as peculiar to himſelfe.

1. 790. Gen. 49. 3. [moved in the edition]
2. 791. Exod. 13. 2.

2. Houſes and families by this meanes are vpheld and continued from age to age. How needfull it is for the eſtabliſhment of a commonwealth that families ſhould thus be continued, is euident both by experience to all ſuch as haue but halfe an eie to ſee wherein the ſtability of a common wealth conſiſteth, and alſo by the many lawes which God ordained among the Iewes for this purpoſe: as

1. That⁷⁹² no land ſhould be quite cut off from a family.

1. 792. Leu. 25. 23.

2. That⁷⁹³ if any through pouerty were forced to ſell his land, the next of kin was to buy it.

1. 793. Verſ. 25.

3. That⁷⁹⁴ if a man that had ſold his land, could by no meanes redeeme it againe, at the yeere of Iubilee he was to haue the poſſeſſion of it againe.

1. 794. Verſ. 28.

4. That⁷⁹⁵ if daughters were heires they ſhould not marry out of their fathers tribe: and this reaſon is giuen, that euery man may enioy the inheritance of his fathers.

1. 795. Num. 36. 8.

Anſw. In this reſpect parents ought to be ſo much the more prouident for their other children, in training them vp to callings, or laying vp portions, or ſetling other eſtates vpon them beſide the maine inheritance, or in taking order that competent portions be raiſed out of the inheritance of the eldeſt ſon, in caſe God take them away before they haue otherwiſe prouided for their children.

p. 578 Out of this anſwer may a third reaſon be gathered, to ſhew that it is a behouefull law for the commonwealth that the heire ſhould haue all the land. For this law maketh parents more carefull in training vp their younger ſonnes to ſundry callings which are profitable to a commonwealth. If euery childe ſhould haue a part of his fathers lands, they would all ſo depend thereupon, as none of them would exerciſe themſelues to ſuch callings as are meanes of mens maintenance.

Contrary to the forenamed duty of a parents equall reſpect to all his children, is partiality in fathers and mothers, manifeſted ſundry waies. For

1. Many parents haue their darling children, to whom ſo⁷⁹⁶ much affection is ſhewed, as in compariſon none is ſhewed to others. When ſome are hugged in the boſome, others are neglected as if they were none of their owne, but baſely borne. The vnnaturalneſſe of the eagle is noted in this kinde, that ſhe flaps and driues out of the neſt one of her young ones, and feedeth only the other as her owne. From ſuch partiality in parents proceed many miſchiefes: as theſe,

1. 796. Iniquiſſima volucris aquila in educanda ſua prole dicitur eſſe. Pullorum enim alterum alis percuſſum abigit: alterum ſolum vti ſuum educat. Baſil. Hexaem. hom. 8.

1. They giue occaſion to ſuch as obſerue it, to ſuſpect that thoſe children who are ſo little reſpected, are none of their owne.

2. They cauſe enuy, malice, and much contention to ariſe among children. When Ioſephs brethren ſaw that their father⁷⁹⁷ loued him more then all them, they hated him, and could not ſpeake peaceably vnto him.

1. 797. Gen. 37. 4.

3. They prouoke God to inflict ſome iudgement on thoſe children that are ſo cockered, and preferred before the reſt: that ſo they may the better ſee their folly.

This ſinne of parents partiality is ſo much the greater, when vpon outward reſpects they preferre the wicked and vngodly children before pious and gracious children. Iſaak herein much failed, for⁷⁹⁸ he loued Eſau (a⁷⁹⁹ profane wretch) becauſe he did eat of his Veniſon.

1. 798. Gen. 25. 28. [moved in the edition]
2. 799. Heb. 12. 16.

2. Other parents ſo ſet themſelues to raiſe their houſe, as all their care is to aduance their eldeſt ſonne, by education, by liberall allowance, and by leauing all they haue to him: and in p. 579 the meane while neglect their younger children. Though (as was noted⁸⁰⁰ before) the maine inheritance may iuſtly without ſhew of partiality be left to the heire, yet to be carefull only for him, and to neglect the other, ſauoureth ranke of partiality. It is moſt agreeable to naturall reaſon, that as life is giuen to all⁸⁰¹ children, ſo meanes of maintaining life ſhould be giuen to all.

1. 800. §. 68.
2. 801. Conſentaneum eſt rationi naturae vt aequè tribuere cuiꝗ vitam, ſic etiam viuendi facultates praeſtare. Baſil. loc. citat.

3. In the number of partiall parents may they be reckoned, who vniuſtly diſinherit their firſt borne. For the inheritance of right belonging to them, and they not deſeruing to be diſinherited, aſſuredly it is ſome by reſpect or other which maketh parents prefer the younger before the elder: and this is plaine partiality. This kinde of partiality is commonly in ſuch parents as haue had children by ſeuerall wiues. Sometimes diſlike of a former wife maketh a father diſlike the children he hath by her, and through diſlike to diſinherit the heire by her. God gaue the Iewes an expreſſe law againſt this kinde of⁸⁰² partiality.

1. 802. Deu. 21. 15. &c.

Sometimes againe a gripulous ſeeking of aduantage to themſelues maketh parents to diſinherit the right heire: as when a man after he hath buried the mother of his firſt borne, hearing of another woman which is of great wealth, maketh ſute for her. She refuſeth becauſe he hath an heire of a former wife. He to remoue that blocke entereth couenant to make the ſonne which he hath by her (if he haue any) his heire: hereupon the mariage is conſummate: his ſecond wife bringeth forth a ſonne: he for his couenant ſake diſinheriteth the firſt heire. An vniuſt, and vnlawfull practiſe.

Anſw. Yes, The Scripture noteth two cauſes wherein the firſt-borne may be put from the inheritance.

1. If he be illegitimate: for ſuch an one hath no good title: The ſonne of the bondwoman ſhall not be heire with my ſonne,⁸⁰³ ſaith Sarah, and that iuſtly. To like purpoſe ſay the ſons of Gileads wife to Iephthah, Thou ſhalt not inherit in our fathers houſe,⁸⁰⁴ for thou art the ſonne of a ſtrange woman. Iuſt was that blame which Iotham laid vpon the men of Shechem for making Abimelech⁸⁰⁵ p. 580 the baſe ſonne of Ierubbaal King: and iuſt was Gods vengeance vpon them for that wrong done to Ierubbaals legitimate children.

1. 803. Gen. 21. 10.
2. 804. Iudg. 11. 2.
3. 805. Iudg. 9. 18.

2. If he be notoriouſly wicked. Thus⁸⁰⁶ Ruben for committing abominable inceſt loſt his birthright.

1. 806. Gen. 49. 4. 1 Chro. 5. 1. [moved in the edition]

Many particular crimes are reckoned vp by the⁸⁰⁷ ciuill Lawyers, which would be too long here to recite.

1. 807. Sum. Sylueſt. part. 1. Tract▪ de haered.